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Thread: Ex reaching out nearly 2 years after

  1. #11
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    If you think your friends didn't notice how devastated you were, you don't have much trust in your friends! I'm sure they noticed. And I'm sure they don't have a high opinion of her.

    As for why, you have proven time and time again that you'll do anything for her, even if it's not in your best interest. She knows she can get you to do what she wants.

    Have you told her "no" regarding the trip? I'm guessing you haven't and you won't because you want her to like you so badly.

    I'm sure you'll continue because you want her so badly, and I'm sure she'll hurt you again. Why you want to be hurt would be something to explore in therapy but I'm guessing you didn't go.

    It's too bad...there are lots of young women out there who are nice and will not selfishly manipulate you but you'll never meet them as long as you keep yourself attached to this emotional vampire.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    From my own perspective...
    But she is not you. She's a person onto herself, who can and will make whatever choices she wants. I ride a motorcycle, which from some (many) perspectives is a very dumb thing to do in life. So be it. I like it, makes life better for me.

    What she's doing? It's the same: choices that make her own life better for her. She's young, still maturing, probably pretty attractive, and so she probably enjoys male attention much the way I enjoy my motorcycle. So she rides it, is riding it.

    Why you want to be ridden is the real question, because you're getting something out of it as well. Isolate that under bright lights—hint: it's very similar to what she's getting from you—then decide if it's something you really want in this form.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    Probably a fair assessment. I don't know why I find it so hard when it comes to her to just cut things off, but I always doubt my instincts with regards to her, which were pretty similar to what you're saying.
    It's not that you doubt so much as you don't listen to them. That's a bit of an ego issue. She rejected you and your ego says "get validation from her"....buuut that just sets you up for pain and failure.

    Anyway, block and delete her from everything - phone, e-mails, social media. Just do it. It will sting, BUT it will finally force you to let go and it will feel good faster than you think. Realizing that you are just fine with letting an ex go at long last is really quite empowering.

  4. #14
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    why havent you blocked her ? you wouldn't feel all this weird if you had blocked her.
    Maybe you are just not ready if you are looking to be friends, somethings still remain from past i feel, get out before it gets weird.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok don't be her male-girlfriend or therapist. It would be best to cut this off. Let her talk to her friends, family, doctors, therapists, and job recruiters. You're not responsible for her well being. Become very busy if you don't want to be abrupt about anything.
    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    She recently broke up with her boyfriend and has started contacting me again since, messaging me every day and even when I'm really not interested in a conversation she tries to force one.

    She started talking about her ex and basically describing how great he was, has talked about a tinder date she's going on, and generally is sharing information you would never usually talk about with an ex. The issue is we have mutual friends and I don't want to look insensitive, especially since she's talking about struggling with depression/struggling to find a job etc.

  7. #16
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    I don't know whether to outright block her (which I dunno, I feel would make it look like she was really affecting me, which I don't want) or just clearly state I don't think the trip is a good idea and stop engaging in conversations with her, in which case I assume she'll get the message.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    I don't know whether to outright block her (which I dunno, I feel would make it look like she was really affecting me, which I don't want) or just clearly state I don't think the trip is a good idea and stop engaging in conversations with her, in which case I assume she'll get the message.
    What's more important to you? How you look in her eyes, or how you feel in your own skin? Answer that question, and the rest should be obvious.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    What's more important to you? How you look in her eyes, or how you feel in your own skin? Answer that question, and the rest should be obvious.


    I guess how I feel but at the same time we have mutuals and I'm self-conscious about the fact that I'll look like the angry ex who isn't over her after 1 and a half years.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    I guess how I feel but at the same time we have mutuals and I'm self-conscious about the fact that I'll look like the angry ex who isn't over her after 1 and a half years.
    Stop using mutual friends as an excuse. These people already demonstrated to you that they do not wish to get involved and couldn't care less. This is a story you are telling yourself because you are deep down afraid to cut her off. So I'll say again - just do it. Like diving into a cold pool. Much easier just to jump in and then it feels great once you are in and swimming.

    For the love of find the proverbial balls to cut this chic off already. Tell her no, you are not interested in traveling with her. People respect those who have boundaries and the guts to enforce them. Contrary to what you think, if you continue being this messy guy, you will lose your friends because people get fed up with drama.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Tell her it's unhealthy to continue contact after breaking up and gently forewarn her that should she ignore your request to permanently go your separate ways, you will ghost, block and delete her.

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