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Thread: Can't walk away from fwb

  1. #21
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    Thank you all for your advice. I appreciate you taking your time to write your feedback. I am aware that the person that needs to be blame for getting myself in this situation is myself. I do love myself yet i do things that hurt myself emotionally. I admit im weak when it comes to emotions. Very weak actually. I do know what to do yet my heart contradicts with my brain.
    I dont want much. I just wanna love and be loved even if its just a little.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    Thank you all for your advice. I appreciate you taking your time to write your feedback. I am aware that the person that needs to be blame for getting myself in this situation is myself. I do love myself yet i do things that hurt myself emotionally. I admit im weak when it comes to emotions. Very weak actually. I do know what to do yet my heart contradicts with my brain.
    I dont want much. I just wanna love and be loved even if its just a little.
    If that's what you want, then why are you fooling around with guys who have partners-which is terrible- and staying in contact with some long distance dude that you bang two tines a year. That makes no sense at all!

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok so you are into satisfying kinks but not relationships. That's fine, especially since you are not emotionally over your last relationship. Random sex allows you to feel desired without being involved. It this your profession or just an itch you need to scratch for attention?
    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    i go online and meet guys who can satisfy me somehow even if its just sexting or phone sex sometimes. I think dating is like a waste of time sometimes.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    Thank you all again for your reply. All you guys are correct. It's a fight that ive had with myself for awhile now. I recently have a kissing buddy for looe a couple of months now going 3. For me this is a really good distraction. I also have someone who has been wanting to get together with me coz he has liked me for a very long time. Unfortunately, these 2 men are taken. I have not done anything with the guy who wants to get together with me yet ive been making out a lot with my kissing buddy during lunch at work. I know what im doing is wrong yet i still do it. About that fwb who lives far away, i really hope ill get over these stupid feelings i have for him one day.
    You don't have to get over any feelings. Feelings are feelings. You choose how to react to them. My son is 10. I am doubling down on not letting him have what he wants if his reaction to my saying no is to scream at me/whine, etc. I can tell his reaction is totally impulsive but that doesn't mean it's ok for him to treat me (or anyone else if that should happen) in that way. So I noticed over the last day he is showing more self control when he feels upset or frustrated and he even told me proudly that he didn't react in an unhealthy way when he felt irrationally fearful of something. He felt it and then went about his day. So please don't indulge in the excuse that somehow like a car wash your feelings will be washed away. You do and act in ways you can control -your reactions to feelings so that your reaction is consistent with this self-esteem you say you have. It's really tough sometimes -for me too -but so worth it.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    I do know what to do yet my heart contradicts with my brain.
    Where therapy is great, at the risk of beating the same drum, is that it can help you understand that everything you're talking about is in your brain. The whole notion of "the heart," as implied here, is an invention of the human brain, after all. Emotions? Those are things experienced by the brain, while the heart is a foot or so south pumping blood through the body. How we react to those emotions? Again, the brain pulls those strings and presses those buttons as well.

    Replace the romantic habits you are rationalizing with a kind of doomed poetry with another bad habit. Drinking in the morning, say, or spending twice what you make while the debt collectors hound you. Saying "the heart wants what it wants" in that context is not the cutest look, you know?

    You are making choices, and have been for what sounds like many years, that are at diametric odds with seeking genuine love, even just a little bit, or loving yourself enough to invite that into your life. Those choices are being made by your brain, not heart, and if you can find some romance seeing that, and challenging yourself to untangle some mental knots, I think you'll find that this thing you're calling your heart will be much, much more satisfied. You'll fall in love with a few more shades of yourself—the shades that I think you struggle to love at the moment—and become open another person loving you the same way.

  7. #26
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    It may be coz i dont wanna deal with the drama that happens when in a relationship.

    Here's a little of my dating history:

    I was a late bloomer. I lost my virginity with my 1st and only bf for 9 years when i was 20. I was one of those who was gonna wait until i get married to have sex but decided to do it with him after 1 1/2 years of dating. We did everything else though before that when we were dating except intercourse. We were both virgins so it was both our first time.

    So sex in my 20s with him (we were of the same age) was good. Couldn't compare it to anything else coz i was never with anyone else but him. I remember enjoying it.

    So then we broke up at 29 the same year we got engaged. No 3rd party and i think he just got the cold feet. I was devastated from the break up not because the engagement was off but because we had to break up. He was my world. I thought it was gonna be him for the rest of my life and i would have never mind that. I didnt feel i had to experience how it is to be with someone else.

    So in my 30s, i just lived life. Did a lot of traveling and just enjoyed not being with someone. I tried online dating to make myself feel like im not the only one whos looking and that was the only reason really. I became a serial 1st dater and this is prob because im a very picky person. I remember being scared of trying how it is to have sex with another person as i only had 1 partner for 9 years. I had a few but not many sexual encounters as a result of putting myself online. Mostly just one time with a guy.

    In my early 30s was when i met someone online who became my buddy. He was 5 yrs younger and had a gf. I met him on a chatline. We had sex the 1st time we met after talking for awhile. I was just gonna do it once yet he contacted me again and thought it wasn't a bad idea to get laid by someone that i dont have to be with as a gf. That lasted for 7 years. I was getting it often like weekly and it was great coz i need to keep the sex dept activd somehow. Ive always known that i enjoy sex. I had to end it coz he got someone pregnant and i just couldn't do it anymore. We used condom all the time. I hooked up with a couple of guys after him until i settled with having a fwb with this current fwb i have.

    I met this current fwb i have a little after my break up when he came to cali to visit his sister. That was 20 yrs ago. We kept in touch and he even had a gf that he was with for a while and then they broke up. And then 5 yrs ago, we agreed to our little arrangement as fwb.

    So i havent really dated much. Im getting with these guys because i need a man's touch and i love taking care of a man in bed. I dont care too much about the drama. Ive been single my whole life and im good with just being single. Not all with someone are happy anyways. Ive been dating myself for a long time now and im ok with it. I so know how pleasure myself yet its nothing like a guy's touch. Sometimes i even try and think like a guy with no emotions coz i think its easier but im a chick and cant help it but to deal with my emotions.

  8. #27
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    Last msg is for u Holly

  9. #28
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    To wiseman

    I am over my last relationship.
    No im not a prostitute.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    To wiseman

    I am over my last relationship.
    No im not a prostitute.
    Wait, What? He is paying you $150.00 (at least) dollars to fly to his gennies. What other adjective would you call it?

    So i havent really dated much. Im getting with these guys because i need a man's touch and i love taking care of a man in bed.
    Get the therapy you need to stop your casual lifestyle or to at least learn how to be happy in the dynamic. You are not happy in the dynamic but rather addicted to it which makes you miserable in between hits of your drug of choice called non-committed sex with taken men or non committing men.

    Ive been dating myself for a long time now and im ok with it.
    Hardly. If you were, you would have no need to start this thread complaining about not being able to quit your 'pimp.'

  11. #30
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    To Batya

    I do know how to control myself. Just not very good at matters that pertains to the heart.

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