Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 6 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 60

Thread: Can't walk away from fwb

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    26
    Thanks for the reply Wiseman

    I actually do a variety of stuff to keep me afloat until the next time i get together with him. I dont like to sleep around yet i go online and meet guys who can satisfy me somehow even if its just sexting or phone sex sometimes. I think dating is like a waste of time sometimes.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    26
    Thanks for the reply Andrina

    I do have a good self esteem but sometimes it take s a flop and that's when i feel needy of him and i start contacting him. Ive heard of meetup. I think ill try that.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,625
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    I've had this fwb for awhile now, going 6 years this year. We live far away from each other, like thousands of miles away. We only really get together at least once or twice a year. At first i thought i could handle us just being like this but i caught feelings which is a no no. I go through moments when i feel so hurt because i know it's not going anywhere and that he doesn't want a normal relationship with me. I do get out of that moment and everything's fine but sometimes i catch too much feelings i feel really hurt. I've read a lot of articles on fwb and I've attempted to walk away many times yet i can't do it. I have to admit that the sex with him is what's holding me back. We have such a great and fun sex life and I'm afraid that i may not be able to meet someone who i can be totally comfortable with in bed. What do i do?
    What do you do? You go see a therapist to find out why you're so afraid of commitment that you'd hook up with a douche two times a year that keeps you from being open in heart and mind to find an actual life mate. You are afraid of commitment to the nth degree and you use good sex as an excuse to stay single while living in heart ache as you withdrawl from your addiction to him after ever session.

    Please grow up and get the help you need to rehab from said addiction. You can't quit smoking if you keep having a drag off of a cigarette.

    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    Thanks for the reply Wiseman

    I actually do a variety of stuff to keep me afloat until the next time i get together with him. I dont like to sleep around yet i go online and meet guys who can satisfy me somehow even if its just sexting or phone sex sometimes. I think dating is like a waste of time sometimes.
    ... and even more evidence of your fear of commitment. ^^^

    BTW: Your naive to the nth degree as well if you think that a grown-arse man is only having sex two times a year. pffft.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,235
    Gender
    Male
    When you genuinely want a deep, loving, and mutually vulnerable relationship I think you'll have no problem letting this go. As it stands? It kind of sounds to me like a relationship that validates your fear of being in a relationship and your belief that "all guys" are the same—meaning they are, as he is, bad for you.

    Why would he spend $150 one or twice a year? You just have to look in the mirror to answer that question. He enjoys it. When he wants something different, he will invest in that.

    In your shoes, I would consider talking this out with a therapist. You are, after all, living the one life you have, and what you're doing with him is a bit like eating candy in hopes of becoming healthier. You can try to come up with stories that turn the candy into a salad—stories about how sex a few times a year is "great"—but sugar is sugar is sugar: not a healthy diet, with your post here a sign of malnourishment.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    26
    Thank you all again for your reply. All you guys are correct. It's a fight that ive had with myself for awhile now. I recently have a kissing buddy for looe a couple of months now going 3. For me this is a really good distraction. I also have someone who has been wanting to get together with me coz he has liked me for a very long time. Unfortunately, these 2 men are taken. I have not done anything with the guy who wants to get together with me yet ive been making out a lot with my kissing buddy during lunch at work. I know what im doing is wrong yet i still do it. About that fwb who lives far away, i really hope ill get over these stupid feelings i have for him one day.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,625
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    Thank you all again for your reply. All you guys are correct. It's a fight that ive had with myself for awhile now. I recently have a kissing buddy for looe a couple of months now going 3. For me this is a really good distraction. I also have someone who has been wanting to get together with me coz he has liked me for a very long time. Unfortunately, these 2 men are taken. I have not done anything with the guy who wants to get together with me yet ive been making out a lot with my kissing buddy during lunch at work. I know what im doing is wrong yet i still do it. About that fwb who lives far away, i really hope ill get over these stupid feelings i have for him one day.
    Get the help you need. You have a problem with commitment and you are disrespecting yourself over and over again.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,908
    You keep getting involved with men who can't give you a relationship. Why is that? Why would you settle for a lunch-break kissing buddy? That's for junior-high kids, not grown adults. Don't you feel you deserve more?

    As for your FWB, I would operate under the assumption that he (like you) sometimes breaks the promise to be sexually exclusive. I can't imagine he genuinely only has sex once or twice a year, especially considering her doesn't have romantic feelings for you. He doesn't have the romantic attachment that can sometimes prevent us from seeking out other sexual partners.

    You have to start asking for more of yourself, here. And that includes letting go of dead-end situations, such as with all three of the guys you've described in this thread.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,235
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    About that fwb who lives far away, i really hope ill get over these stupid feelings i have for him one day.
    You're not going to get over these feelings with "hope," since that's just an excuse to keep indulging in the feelings and behavior that fuels them. It would be like me telling you I really "hope" that "one day" I'll get over being broke before heading to the bar or racetrack instead of, you know, applying for a job.

    These other guys? No, neither are "really good" distractions. Both are participating in forms of infidelity, reinforcing an idea that men—and, of course, yourself—are "bad." So, again, if what you sincerely want is romance and connection that plays out in the sun, rather than the shade, you're going to have to move your own feet out of the shade.

    Therapy can help with this. Right now you are romanticizing shady behavior and seeking out shady people, but once you demystify that it'll lose its allure. A magnet is very mysterious to a child, for instance, but to adults? We know how magnets work, so it's just two charged pieces of metal that stick together. Kind of interesting, sure, but hardly a miracle.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    22,461
    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    I was in a 9 yr relationship before. We got engaged but ended up breaking up. I was devastated. There was no 3rd party. Since then, i started thinking that all guys are the same. Ive been over him but i have not had a normal relationship since then. The closest i could have is a fwb relationship.

    This reply is meant for Holly. Thank u for the reply.
    Have you considered counseling?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    13,402
    Why do you think you dislike yourself so much?

    I can't imagine a woman with a healthy self image would participate in a two times per year sex only arrangement along with being the side plaything of two men who are in relationships.

    I used to think like you do...that a man must REALLY LIKE me if he put in an effort. I was involved with a man who drove 4 hours round trip to see me. I cited this as proof he REALLY LIKED me. And my male friends told me "4 hours round trip for guaranteed sex? That's nothing. Any guy would do that for a sure thing".

    $150 to get some sex is nothing.

    Again, why are you your own worst enemy? I get that you had a disappointing relationship in the past but no, all people (including men AND woman) are not "the same".

Page 2 of 6 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •