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Thread: We broke up, but we had so much in common

  1. #1
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    We broke up, but we had so much in common

    my girlfriend just broke up with me. we were dating for about three months.

    even though everything was going great ( spending two to three times a week together we have just about the same Hobbies anime wrestling art, we were both artists and made gifts for each other etc )

    ( I don't know if I believe in soulmates but she was everything I was looking for when it comes to a connection not just on Hobbies but communication and intimacy )


    Sigh :/
    she said she was feeling a numbing sensation when it came to me and the relationship. She wasn't feeling head over heels for me like I was for her

    she couldn't find the spark she said even though just the week prior for Valentine's Day She Wrote romantic Jesters on 25 little cards about how much she loved me

    she said "It's not at all a reflection on you. I am so incredibly aware at what a rare and lucky find you are, that's why walking away from it has been such a hard and awful decision to make. "


    I'm just so confused how everything was going just fine and we had so much in common yet she doesn't feel that spark even though we spend so much time together

    it was a real bummer too because I never met anyone like her before that I had such a meaningful bond and loved.

    She offered friendship but I told her I don't know when and where I can be friends with her on platonic level at this moment. I also told her I don't know when or where I could maybe a year may be 5 years or may be just never. Basically because I still love her and don't know when I could get over her

    she also said that I should start dating again when I'm ready and even though she didn't have the spark for me she wanted to make room for another woman

    but I just feel drained after this because I thought she would have been the one from the way we communicate it so well and I don't know when I should start again maybe 6 months maybe a year :/

    I just don't understand why forming such a meaningful connection could lead to break up :'(

    any advice or support would be appreciated
    thank you for taking the time to read my post

    Have a good day

  2. #2
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    Iím sorry 😐

    Youíre very wise to not be friends with her given you still have feelings. That wonít help you heal. Time to move forward by deleting her contact information.

    Going no contact will help give you clarity. It will also give you focus on yourself.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you're going through this Overdrive00.

    She had her reasons for breaking up despite your not understanding her personal decision regarding her not feeling that you were not "thee one" for her. It's complicated. A lot of times one person feels more strongly about the other person yet the other person doesn't reciprocate the same loving feelings for the long term. Perhaps for the short term, yes but not long term.

    Even though it's easy to take it personally try not to. A lot of times people chase after something better out there even though there may not be anyone better. There are times when there are regrets later down the road when "they let a good one get away." It runs the gamut of reasons and many times, you will never know.

    I agree, "being friends" after break up doesn't work due to hard feelings (from the past) and uneasy navigation for a friendship after a breakup. It's not feasible and most of all, it would feel awkward.

    Go your separate ways permanently and NC (no contact), block and delete. The longer you stew over her, the more mentally unhealthy it is for you. Eventually, she will become 'out of sight out of mind.' It's time to let go.

    As for your dating again, don't set a set timeline of 6 months to maybe a year. Date when you are emotionally ready and not by a certain month or year. If you need time to heal your broken heart, take however long it takes to heal and then dip your toe back into the water and venture dating again.

    Someday you will find that special lady in your life where the spark is mutual and when the infatuation stage wanes, the flame of love will endure for years. It's a great big world out there and often times you have to go through several people before you find the ideal partner or spouse. Patience and faith are key.

    Hang in there, Overdrive00. Your time in the sun will come again. Chin up fellow.

  4. #4
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    Sorry to hear this OP but she's been honest and you need to respect that. Wish her well and block, delete and move on. You did the right thing rejecting friendship.

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  6. #5
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    Sorry to hear all of this, OP, and so very sorry you are hurting. My best advice to you, for now, is to take some time to yourself to heal. Immerse yourself in the things that you love (hobbies, sports, movies, etc.) spend time with your friends, family and loved ones. If it helps, book an appointment with a counselor. Time is really the only factor in your path to emotional healing. The more time that passes, the lesser you will feel the emotional pain, until finally, your past relationship will simply be a bittersweet memory.

    As far as understanding why the relationship did not work out, it simply comes down to the unfortunate fact that your ex did not feel as strongly about the relationship as you did. The good news is that you learned this fairly early on, only a few months (as opposed to many years) into the relationship. She let you go before you could get any more emotionally invested than you already were.

    I would take your ex's word for it that you are a great catch and that, recognizing this, it really was a struggle for her to end things. She probably was torn between knowing what a great guy she had and also not feeling the chemistry she ought to feel. Basically, her brain was saying "yes" but her heart was saying "no". In the end, she decided that you were deserving of both, and so she let you go so that you might find someone else who can give you both without question.

    I hope that this helps.

  7. #6
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    Thank you, for taking the time to read my post and responding to me. Breakups are hard but I really appreciate having a friendly ear listen and respond back to me.

    She said the door was open to Friendship but I kept telling her over the phone and through text that I normally don't do friendships with the exes so don't expect me to maintain one going forward

    The good thing with her is that she said that she would not reach out to me moving forward unless I reached out to her out of respect for my wishes

    She said "I appreciate everything everything everything. Please don't feel pressure to rush yourself. My door is open for friendship, but i respect your space and any time you need. "

    So I highly doubt that she's going to reach out to me at all. And I told her that nothing against her but I just don't want to have any hope in my heart that we would get back together in until I can squash that I can't be friends at all Weber that takes a year or never again I just want her to know it nothing against her in the end

  8. #7
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    @cherylyn thank you for taking time to respond it means a lot to me

    It's funny that you said that sometimes people regret their decisions

    she did bring up during our conversation that she's hesitant and questioning Weber giving up me is the right choice

    And when she said that I'm going like then wire weaving having this talk if your that uncertain

    Lol anyway

    She said "I appreciate everything everything everything. Please don't feel pressure to rush yourself. My door is open for friendship, but i respect your space and any time you need".


    Even though she left this door open I'm not going to open it because I told her regardless if I was in a stable place or not I just don't remain friends with my ex girlfriends because it would be too hard for me and I know that show respect my wishes and won't take it personally if I never reach out again as I told her not to take it personally if I don't.

    I'll probably try again but at least I learned that I need to see the more ques of reciprocating

    ( don't get me wrong she did have the feelings for me there it was just still shocking with everything that she did on her part that she wanted to just give it up )

    Anyway I just know going forward how to handle these things and make sure that I'm not putting too much of myself on this

  9. #8
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    @ninjabib thank you for taking time out of your day to go to read my post and respond I definitely will

    She said"I appreciate everything everything everything. Please don't feel pressure to rush yourself. My door is open for friendship, but i respect your space and any time you need. "

    Even though that door is open I'm not going to go through I gave her a heads up when she was wanting to leave that I don't form friendships with my exes for the reasons that I want to move on I don't want to maintain those bonds especially seen who they're dating now and so on

    So I told her flat out that don't expect to hear from me I can't make any promises

    And I feel that show respect my wishes based on her last text that are as long as I keep my distance she won't reach out

  10. #9
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    @JenCrowley thank you for the wonderful advice

    I am going to see a counselor probably in the next two weeks mostly because of how difficult this dating situation is for me

    And you're probably right she said that she stated a lot of metalheads and they tend to be a lot more aggressive and less communicating

    And that it's normally easy for her to fall head over heels for someone

    She said "I appreciate everything everything everything. Please don't feel pressure to rush yourself. My door is open for friendship, but i respect your space and any time you need. "

    Even though that door is open I doubt I'll ever go through it. I learned from my past mistakes not to maintain a friendship with an ex

    And I told her straight up over the phone that I can't make any promises of being friends down the road and not to think that we will

    And she promised me that she wouldn't Reach Out respecting my wishes

    If she ever does and ever tries to maintain a friendship even though I really really really enjoyed spending time with her

    I'll just keep telling her that I can't do it

    I told her yesterday and today it's no offense to her but I just don't want to see her dating someone new or anything like that and still having hope in my heart

  11. #10
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you're going through this, and not to minimize your feelings, but the bottom line is if she wanted to be with you she would.

    In short, being friends with an ex seldom has a happy ending.

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