We broke up, but we had so much in common

my girlfriend just broke up with me. we were dating for about three months.

even though everything was going great ( spending two to three times a week together we have just about the same Hobbies anime wrestling art, we were both artists and made gifts for each other etc )

( I don't know if I believe in soulmates but she was everything I was looking for when it comes to a connection not just on Hobbies but communication and intimacy )

Sigh :/

she said she was feeling a numbing sensation when it came to me and the relationship. She wasn't feeling head over heels for me like I was for her

she couldn't find the spark she said even though just the week prior for Valentine's Day She Wrote romantic Jesters on 25 little cards about how much she loved me

she said "It's not at all a reflection on you. I am so incredibly aware at what a rare and lucky find you are, that's why walking away from it has been such a hard and awful decision to make. "

I'm just so confused how everything was going just fine and we had so much in common yet she doesn't feel that spark even though we spend so much time together

it was a real bummer too because I never met anyone like her before that I had such a meaningful bond and loved.

She offered friendship but I told her I don't know when and where I can be friends with her on platonic level at this moment. I also told her I don't know when or where I could maybe a year may be 5 years or may be just never. Basically because I still love her and don't know when I could get over her

she also said that I should start dating again when I'm ready and even though she didn't have the spark for me she wanted to make room for another woman

but I just feel drained after this because I thought she would have been the one from the way we communicate it so well and I don't know when I should start again maybe 6 months maybe a year :/

I just don't understand why forming such a meaningful connection could lead to break up :'(

any advice or support would be appreciated

thank you for taking the time to read my post

Have a good day

I’m sorry 😐

You’re very wise to not be friends with her given you still have feelings. That won’t help you heal. Time to move forward by deleting her contact information.

Going no contact will help give you clarity. It will also give you focus on yourself.

I'm sorry you're going through this Overdrive00.

She had her reasons for breaking up despite your not understanding her personal decision regarding her not feeling that you were not "thee one" for her. It's complicated. A lot of times one person feels more strongly about the other person yet the other person doesn't reciprocate the same loving feelings for the long term. Perhaps for the short term, yes but not long term.

Even though it's easy to take it personally try not to. A lot of times people chase after something better out there even though there may not be anyone better. There are times when there are regrets later down the road when "they let a good one get away." It runs the gamut of reasons and many times, you will never know.

I agree, "being friends" after break up doesn't work due to hard feelings (from the past) and uneasy navigation for a friendship after a breakup. It's not feasible and most of all, it would feel awkward.

Go your separate ways permanently and NC (no contact), block and delete. The longer you stew over her, the more mentally unhealthy it is for you. Eventually, she will become 'out of sight out of mind.' It's time to let go.

As for your dating again, don't set a set timeline of 6 months to maybe a year. Date when you are emotionally ready and not by a certain month or year. If you need time to heal your broken heart, take however long it takes to heal and then dip your toe back into the water and venture dating again.

Someday you will find that special lady in your life where the spark is mutual and when the infatuation stage wanes, the flame of love will endure for years. It's a great big world out there and often times you have to go through several people before you find the ideal partner or spouse. Patience and faith are key.

Hang in there, Overdrive00. Your time in the sun will come again. Chin up fellow.

Sorry to hear this OP but she's been honest and you need to respect that. Wish her well and block, delete and move on. You did the right thing rejecting friendship.

Sorry to hear all of this, OP, and so very sorry you are hurting. My best advice to you, for now, is to take some time to yourself to heal. Immerse yourself in the things that you love (hobbies, sports, movies, etc.) spend time with your friends, family and loved ones. If it helps, book an appointment with a counselor. Time is really the only factor in your path to emotional healing. The more time that passes, the lesser you will feel the emotional pain, until finally, your past relationship will simply be a bittersweet memory.

As far as understanding why the relationship did not work out, it simply comes down to the unfortunate fact that your ex did not feel as strongly about the relationship as you did. The good news is that you learned this fairly early on, only a few months (as opposed to many years) into the relationship. She let you go before you could get any more emotionally invested than you already were.

I would take your ex's word for it that you are a great catch and that, recognizing this, it really was a struggle for her to end things. She probably was torn between knowing what a great guy she had and also not feeling the chemistry she ought to feel. Basically, her brain was saying "yes" but her heart was saying "no". In the end, she decided that you were deserving of both, and so she let you go so that you might find someone else who can give you both without question.

I hope that this helps.

Thank you, for taking the time to read my post and responding to me. Breakups are hard but I really appreciate having a friendly ear listen and respond back to me.

She said the door was open to Friendship but I kept telling her over the phone and through text that I normally don't do friendships with the exes so don't expect me to maintain one going forward

The good thing with her is that she said that she would not reach out to me moving forward unless I reached out to her out of respect for my wishes

She said "I appreciate everything everything everything. Please don't feel pressure to rush yourself. My door is open for friendship, but i respect your space and any time you need. "

So I highly doubt that she's going to reach out to me at all. And I told her that nothing against her but I just don't want to have any hope in my heart that we would get back together in until I can squash that I can't be friends at all Weber that takes a year or never again I just want her to know it nothing against her in the end

@cherylyn thank you for taking time to respond it means a lot to me

It's funny that you said that sometimes people regret their decisions

she did bring up during our conversation that she's hesitant and questioning Weber giving up me is the right choice

And when she said that I'm going like then wire weaving having this talk if your that uncertain

Lol anyway

She said "I appreciate everything everything everything. Please don't feel pressure to rush yourself. My door is open for friendship, but i respect your space and any time you need".

Even though she left this door open I'm not going to open it because I told her regardless if I was in a stable place or not I just don't remain friends with my ex girlfriends because it would be too hard for me and I know that show respect my wishes and won't take it personally if I never reach out again as I told her not to take it personally if I don't.

I'll probably try again but at least I learned that I need to see the more ques of reciprocating

( don't get me wrong she did have the feelings for me there it was just still shocking with everything that she did on her part that she wanted to just give it up )

Anyway I just know going forward how to handle these things and make sure that I'm not putting too much of myself on this

@ninjabib thank you for taking time out of your day to go to read my post and respond I definitely will

She said"I appreciate everything everything everything. Please don't feel pressure to rush yourself. My door is open for friendship, but i respect your space and any time you need. "

Even though that door is open I'm not going to go through I gave her a heads up when she was wanting to leave that I don't form friendships with my exes for the reasons that I want to move on I don't want to maintain those bonds especially seen who they're dating now and so on

So I told her flat out that don't expect to hear from me I can't make any promises

And I feel that show respect my wishes based on her last text that are as long as I keep my distance she won't reach out

@JenCrowley thank you for the wonderful advice

I am going to see a counselor probably in the next two weeks mostly because of how difficult this dating situation is for me

And you're probably right she said that she stated a lot of metalheads and they tend to be a lot more aggressive and less communicating

And that it's normally easy for her to fall head over heels for someone

She said "I appreciate everything everything everything. Please don't feel pressure to rush yourself. My door is open for friendship, but i respect your space and any time you need. "

Even though that door is open I doubt I'll ever go through it. I learned from my past mistakes not to maintain a friendship with an ex

And I told her straight up over the phone that I can't make any promises of being friends down the road and not to think that we will

And she promised me that she wouldn't Reach Out respecting my wishes

If she ever does and ever tries to maintain a friendship even though I really really really enjoyed spending time with her

I'll just keep telling her that I can't do it

I told her yesterday and today it's no offense to her but I just don't want to see her dating someone new or anything like that and still having hope in my heart

I'm sorry you're going through this, and not to minimize your feelings, but the bottom line is if she wanted to be with you she would.

In short, being friends with an ex seldom has a happy ending.

she was everything I was looking for when it comes to a connection not just on Hobbies but communication and intimacy

 

[...]

 

she couldn't find the spark she said even though just the week prior for Valentine's Day She Wrote romantic Jesters on 25 little cards about how much she loved me

 

[...]

 

I just don't understand why forming such a meaningful connection could lead to break up :'(

 

It's a mind-boggling lesson, but be glad you learned it at a young age (I am assuming you are pretty young.)

Humans are complex, and it just goes to show that a person's outward displays aren't always a manifestation of exactly what is going on in their minds.

The good news is she was honest with you, and didn't lead you on. Even though you felt all of those amazing things, there is no use wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you in that way. She gave you the gift of honesty, which seems to be a dying trait these days.

@cherylyn thank you for taking time to respond it means a lot to me

You're very welcome, Overdrive00. Even though you don't see this now, someday, sooner than you think, time will heal your old wounds.

Even though she hesitated her decision, she ultimately made her decision to call it quits. You'll have to respect her decision even if you don't like it because it's life and it happens.

As for her opening the door for friendship, forget it. I agree with you. Friendship is a no go after the relationship is over. As mentioned previously, a friendship post-break up would feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.

It's better to make a clean break and I agree with others, it's better that she break up now with you as opposed to dragging out a relationship which wasn't meant to last anyway. Her heart wasn't fully invested into it as much as yours was I'm sorry to say.

You deserve a lady who feels the same way you do and as painful as it is to feel rejected and dumped, sometimes these types of cuts are a blessing in disguise even though you may feel blind right now. The silver lining is she did you a favor and this gives you a chance to someday be with a lady who is on the same page with you long term as opposed to merely temporary.

Also, keep in mind sometimes the maturity level isn't there for a committed long term relationship. Some people call it quits prematurely without giving the relationship a chance to grow, flourish and survive to fruition. Some people fear long term commitments and they're not that serious. You deserve a lady who is in it for the long haul as opposed to very short term.

Don't soldier alone. Surround yourself with high class, very moral friends and loving, nurturing, supportive family members. Take good care of your health. Find balance in your life. Socialize in a healthy way and savor your solitude, too. Have healthy distractions whether it's hobbies, sports, outings, excursions, intellectual pursuits, charitable good works, etc. Or, church if you're faith based.

One door closes and another door will open up for you. In the meantime, take a break from dating and give yourself plenty of time to heal and recover. Take it easy, Overdrive00.

This girl gave you the utmost of respect in her delivery. She obviously feels a high level of respect for you. I know this is not the way you wanted your relationship with her to go but of all the possible ways this could have gone I could have thought of a better way for her to do it.

Pardon my typo in my commentary above .... That should have read " I could NOT have thought of a better way for her to do it "

She couldn't find the spark she said even though just the week prior for Valentine's Day She Wrote romantic Jesters on 25 little cards about how much she loved me

This makes me think she's one of those folks who loves the idea of love, and gets a little googly-eyed when performing their love. Why? She only dated you for 3 months. This sort of Valentine's gift is cute, but more fitting of people who've been together a while and actually know their partners well enough to list off 25 things they love about them. I don't say that to minimize your feelings. I say that to help you understand her seemingly contradictory actions.

For reference, how old are you both?

@MaybeThen

I'm 32 & Your right sometimes life can be the most confusing thing sometime.

A relationship that hit all the right bells from hobbies, to communication to intimacy

Can still fail in the end.

@Cherylyn

Yeah every word you said is so true especially because it everything seem so right but I'm going to keep on moving but in the future I'm going be a little more diligent about who I commit to and watch out for certain cues. Even though everything seems on track with no hiccups I'm going to triple check from now on so now I'm not wasting my time

Again I'm trying not to take things personal with this one but at the same time I'm not going to waste more time getting into another relationship

Oh Lol she not the only one that has ask for friendship after the break up because they didn't want to lost me as a person

in the past because I was younger I would agree but not really be friends ( take long to get back to them not agree to meet up etc ) because I didn't know how else to handle it, wanted a relationship and I was upset about how they ended it.

Eventually they got the hint and stop reaching out.

At least with her I'm being honest and upfront over the phone not to expect a friendship down the road

@gsxr104 no apologies necessary I understood completely. you hit the nail on the head. I realize now that it was a difficult situation. Still very hurt because I thought between everything we shared and how great the relationship was that it was going to lead to more but I can't dwell in the past and move on.

@MissCanuck I'm 32 and she 35

Your right she did mention how she was very drawn to the idea especially when it comes to Disney films or even anime such as Sailor Moon when it comes to the concept of love

And it affected her ability to get into relationships based on the way the characters were acting in those shows and movies

Yeah was just weirdest thing to go from this highest High taking all that time to write down how she felt about me on that that many cards and saying how connected she felt today's before the break up

Actually breaking up out of nowhere she also said she was going through stress starting a new job and things like that

Regardless I knew there's nothing there that I could do she said I was clicking all the right buttons and it wasn't on my part even though I still feel there were some things

OP if she has second doubts she will break her word about contacting you so that is why you need to block her so you can't get dragged into her internal emotional tug of war. It won't help you staying in contact.

@MissCanuck I'm 32 and she 35

 

Your right she did mention how she was very drawn to the idea especially when it comes to Disney films or even anime such as Sailor Moon when it comes to the concept of love

 

And it affected her ability to get into relationships based on the way the characters were acting in those shows and movies

And what does that tell you about her maturity level?

I would expect this line of thinking from, maybe, a 15-year-old. But a 35-year-old woman who still chases the dream she sees on Sailor Moon and Disney, to the point the relationship are difficult for her? I am thinking you actually got off lucky here. It's difficult to form a mature and lasting relationship with someone who still has such a child-like view of love.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she cared for you but felt overwhelmed. How old is she? Was there a recent ex or on/off bf? It sounds like the connection was good and things started out well.

Why after 12 weeks was she suddenly not feeling it? You're right not to stay friends. Often the friendzone is offered to soften the breakup.

I'm 32

@Wiseman2

She 35 and no there wasn't a reason ex I think it was like eight or nine months before she started dating me in comparison to an ex

It was just so weird I told her that 3 month. Is supposed to be the height of the relationship

I told her my history dealing with friendship after a break up and told her not to expect one from me

She kept saying down the road but I made it clear that if I don't put in effort there's no friendship

@ninjabib

LOL I definitely hear you and that's why I prepared myself for such an occasion after everything I have experienced.

There can't be a friendship it's like their can't be a relationship if one of the 2 parties do not engage

And told her do not expect me to reach out

I also told her about my previous exes and how if they wanted friendship I accepted it and then I pulled away

Either way I told her and gave her fair warning that friendship is not something that I own her or anyone that breaks my heart

@MissCanuck

Very true oh well that's why I was so shocked that she was going through that throughout her teen to 20s

In any regards I already told her and when I put my foot down on something I do hard which is not to be friends with her

I warned her how in the past I would accept friendship and then back away

Friendship just like a romantic relationship is a two-way street if both people aren't putting in the effort that I cannot exist

So with that fair warning she should realize with me being the kind of person that I am and how I don't get back together with my ex in any fashion should say numbers about the outcome