He has anger issues and I have anxiety

For the first year of our relationship everything was great. He was the first person I ever confided in about my anxiety, he saw himself as my protector and always wanted to make sure I wasnt nervous or worried. Now, nearly 3 years into the relationship, he gets mad at me for being anxious.

He swears that's not what it is, that hes mad at himself for making me anxious or not being able to help but, he takes it out on me which turns a little bit of anxiety into a panic attack. He'll try and contain his temper and itll be good for a week or two and then hes back to yelling and cussing at me.

We're going to live together in August so I really want to work this out now. "Yelling" over text and the phone is one thing. I dont think I'll be able to handle it if it was in person. It makes me feel like a burden but at the same time he feels useless because he cant help. How do we fix this? And how do I approach him about it in a way that wont make him feel like he's being attacked?

You need to provide more examples of his behavior. This is too broad.

As you both are now this sounds like a fundamental incompatibility. Do you have a mental health professional on your side for defanging your anxiety? Does He have one for working on his anger? If you don’t I think it would be beneficial to get one regardless of if you stay or go. If he doesn’t/won’t he sounds like a good candidate for dump that guy

You need to tell your patents about this and ask them to take you to a doctor so you can confide confidentially in a trusted adult about teen dating abuse and get treated for anxiety, depression, panic attacks etc. Read up on teen dating red flags: https://www.teendvmonth.org/resources/signs-teen-dating-violence/

My advice about this boy remains the same as your other thread about him:https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=563739&p=7200929&viewfull=1#post7200929

he gets mad at me for being anxious. he takes it out on me which turns a little bit of anxiety into a panic attack.?

Please dont move in with a guy with temper issues.

I had an ex with a bad temper and it only gets worse. He would hear his rants on the answering machine (that's what it was called before voice mail. lol) and he would be horrified...bit you know, he never changed and the temper was the cause if me leaving.

his temper was humiliating. I can still get mad at myself for putting up with him... A person shoukd be able to control themselves... if they cant, then i can't be with them.

I can imagine the egg shells you walk on... been there. Get away from this guy.

I presume you've been dating him since you were about 15. Is that correct?

Between this and your concerns about him not answering your messages as soon as you'd like, I would say this is a teen relationship that is not all that unusual. You're both figuring out who you are.

He needs to figure out that yelling and cussing are not the ways to resolve conflicts. It might come with maturity but if I were you I'd wait until he found better ways to deal with his frustration before moving in together.

For the first year of our relationship everything was great. He was the first person I ever confided in about my anxiety, he saw himself as my protector and always wanted to make sure I wasnt nervous or worried. Now, nearly 3 years into the relationship, he gets mad at me for being anxious.

He swears that's not what it is, that hes mad at himself for making me anxious or not being able to help but, he takes it out on me which turns a little bit of anxiety into a panic attack. He'll try and contain his temper and itll be good for a week or two and then hes back to yelling and cussing at me.

We're going to live together in August so I really want to work this out now. "Yelling" over text and the phone is one thing. I dont think I'll be able to handle it if it was in person. It makes me feel like a burden but at the same time he feels useless because he cant help. How do we fix this? And how do I approach him about it in a way that wont make him feel like he's being attacked?

You are SO not ready ready to live with him. You need to get yourself in a better place mentally. Anxiety is extremely hard to deal with--especially for people who don't have it. Things will not get better--only worse. You are not mentally stable enough to live with him right now.

For the first year of our relationship everything was great. He was the first person I ever confided in about my anxiety, he saw himself as my protector and always wanted to make sure I wasnt nervous or worried. Now, nearly 3 years into the relationship, he gets mad at me for being anxious.

He swears that's not what it is, that hes mad at himself for making me anxious or not being able to help but, he takes it out on me which turns a little bit of anxiety into a panic attack. He'll try and contain his temper and itll be good for a week or two and then hes back to yelling and cussing at me.

We're going to live together in August so I really want to work this out now. "Yelling" over text and the phone is one thing. I dont think I'll be able to handle it if it was in person. It makes me feel like a burden but at the same time he feels useless because he cant help. How do we fix this? And how do I approach him about it in a way that wont make him feel like he's being attacked?

Are you in therapy to help you with handling your anxiety? It's not his job to keep you anxiety free and if he's triggering you then you best work on yourself with the help of therapist before moving in with anyone. This isn't about him and how 'bad' or wrong he is but rather how YOU have learned to control and self-sooth through your panic/anxiety attacks. So: ARE you in therapy? If not, why not? If this was his opening post, I would recommend that he break up with you. No young man (or young woman for that matter) needs to be moving in with someone with mental illness that is not being looked after in therapy. This is not like you've been married for years and then suddenly develop it wherein "in sickness and in health" plays a role.

Why did you put the word yelling in quotes?

Somehow, I think you are thinking he's "angry" at you when he's just frustrated and not enabling your ism.