When will the guilt fade

I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half for my own reasons.

She's not doing well at all. She has shown up at my place a couple times crying and pleading with me to take her back. I've been comforting, understanding and patient with her but firm about my decision. I've been in her shoes a couple times and I know how horrible she is feeling right now. I'm a very sensitive person and I genuinely feel what others feel. So I'm going through this with her and I feel as though I am her. I'm drowning in guilt and also feeling her pain physically and emotionally. I know I shouldn't contact her and the only thing to help her move on is no contact or answer her when she reaches out. The hardest thing is hurting someone you love and care about. All I see is her crying and its tearing me apart :(

When does it fade? I'm not moving on from this. Its been almost two months.

Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? Breakups are difficult, even if you initiated it. Did she see this coming? Unfortunately kind but clean is still the best approach.

I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half for my own reasons.

She has shown up at my place a couple times crying and pleading with me to take her back. Its been almost two months.

Sorry about all this.

It seems you've answered your own question in your post: it fades once you make the choice to move through the pain, and on from it, rather than to continue to engage in it.

It's hard when someone reacts as she's reacting, of course, but all in all that is not really about you. It's just how she is choosing to process a painful moment in her life. By being "comforting" you are validating that reaction and ensuring it continues, and perhaps getting some kind of validation in return, in this case maybe the sense that you can use your past experiences of heartache to soften hers. Not actually possible, however, since you are the cause and a knife can only be so sincerely sensitive to the person it has cut, no matter how kind and careful the cut.

These cycles always end the same way: one person eventually opts out. What I'd say, if you're looking for a way to opt out and still feel good about yourself, is that what you're doing right now, past the surface, is just causing her more pain and not respecting her enough to be able to get over you without you. So I say it's time to start showing her deep love and respect, and respecting your own truth and humanity, by being sensitive more to the big picture than to the outbursts.

I feel for you, OP. It's not easy to see someone you care about in so much pain, especially knowing it's directly related to you.

I felt tremendously guilty breaking up a long-ago ex. He was very emotional and I just felt terrible. It took me several months to get that image of him crying out of my mind, and a lot of resolve to not respond to all his attempts to reach out to me. It does fade, and it will likely happen concurrently with her accepting that it's over and thus not reaching out so often. If you are still contacting her, you must stop. You can tell her you care about her, but cannot be the one who takes away her pain and so feel it would be to cease contact while you both heal and adjust.

You need to be firm, but gentle in your delivery. And you then need to stick to it.

I am so sorry you and her are going through this. Unfortunately, it is a fact of life. You cannot stay in a relationship if it doesn't work, whether it's from your end or hers. If you do, it only prolongs the inevitable. That said, only time will let your guilt fade. Yes, it sucks to be in this horrible state of mind but there is no magic formula. Each person handles it differently. You've got to realise that certain things cannot be changed. Forgive yourself because guilt just steers you in the wrong direction and might lead to stress, anxiety, etc, as I'm sure you know. If you have a close friend or family member, you might possibly discuss it with them. I'm not trying to make light of your situation, but it's not the end of the world, you'll see. As I mentioned, time is the key. Know that you are human and guilt is an emotion that will lessen in time. Trust me.

I would advise you to go NC. That will also help you heal.

I'm sorry for both you and your ex-girlfriend.

The guilt fades after a lot of time as since lapsed. The guilt should fade when there's the 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality. It won't fade as long as she keeps coming back to your doorstep.

Your guilt will fade after you tell her gently but firmly to stop showing up at your place. If she ignores your request, then don't open the door. After a while, she won't show up at your place anymore and then both of you can heal even if it will take a long time to do so.

Also, tell her in advance that you will ghost, block and delete her.

It's unhealthy to drag out this breakup for two months and beyond. It's time to get serious and sever ties completely and permanently.

Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? Breakups are difficult, even if you initiated it. Did she see this coming? Unfortunately kind but clean is still the best approach.

Yes she felt something was going on with me. I was feeling depressed and my head was somewhere else. My body was telling me to get out asap because she wasn't getting all of me and the work I need to do on myself needs to be done alone. I'm leaning more on no, she didn't see it coming.

Yes she felt something was going on with me. I was feeling depressed and my head was somewhere else. My body was telling me to get out asap because she wasn't getting all of me and the work I need to do on myself needs to be done alone. I'm leaning more on no, she didn't see it coming.

Are you seeing someone to help you get through your depression? Focus on yourself and your recovery and continue zero contact so you both can heal from the breakup and she can rehab from the addiction of being with you.

I'm sorry you both are going through this. I recently went through a break up very similar to this, and it is heartbreaking when you both still care for each other.

Space and time will help both of you heal. Trust that while she feels miserable now, there will be a day when her pain will subside and she will feel happy again. And remember, that even though you ended the relationship, you still need your time to mourn this loss, too.

I agree with a previous poster to tell her you care, but to ask for space so you can both heal seperately from each other. Seeing a therapist can also be helpful in processing the pain, and working on other issues unrelated to the relationship.

Take care, and remember to be kind to yourself.

Good on you for knowing that you need to look after yourself and get healthy before you attempt to date. No need to feel guilty when its in both your best interests to have ended the relationship.

 

Are you seeing someone to help you get through your depression? Focus on yourself and your recovery and continue zero contact so you both can heal from the breakup and she can rehab from the addiction of being with you.

I have a session coming up next week.

Thanks for your words :)

Thank you :)

Yes she felt something was going on with me. I was feeling depressed and my head was somewhere else. My body was telling me to get out asap because she wasn't getting all of me and the work I need to do on myself needs to be done alone. I'm leaning more on no, she didn't see it coming.

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