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Thread: Social Media and Boundaries

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Honestly, when you meet someone, you have to take them as they are...or not. if you have to make "agreements" about things they do - whether that be not to smoke, not to have social media, etc. The person you choose should already have similar values. its okay if they are different from you, but they should not have incompatible values about things that matter. a girlfriend is not your child. You go on dates and if someone isn't compatible with you, you don't go out with them again, no matter how hot the are.
    I dont know many people who would put up with somebody who relentlessly seeks the attention of the opposite sex, accepts social media requests from the opposite sex from dating sites, interacts with their flirtations, and THEN not understand the issue their significant other has with it. This is narcissistic behavior. Grandiose opinions of ones beauty, lack of empathy, and a need for insatiable admiration. I think this would make even the most secure person insecure and not trusting.

    Update: I broke it off. We reconciled the next day bc I was weak to her emotions and apology. A week later she broke up with me. I honestly think she did it so she could be the dumper and not the dumpee. How dumb am I!!

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Either way, you are now free to find someone more compatible.
    Originally Posted by Goodguy7
    I
    Update: I broke it off. We reconciled the next day bc I was weak to her emotions and apology. A week later she broke up with me.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry as well. But also? I think this step, hard in the moment, is ultimately going to prove to be a step toward something much more enriching than what you were trying to wrestle out of this connection.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Sorry as well. But also? I think this step, hard in the moment, is ultimately going to prove to be a step toward something much more enriching than what you were trying to wrestle out of this connection.
    It really hurts right now. I feel terrible bc Iím so hurt, and she feels nothing.

    This is just crazy... how did I involve myself w someone so cold.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by Goodguy7
    It really hurts right now. I feel terrible bc Iím so hurt, and she feels nothing.

    This is just crazy... how did I involve myself w someone so cold.
    Because you found her hot and felt like you won a prize when she agreed to date you? Her lifestyle and choices were in your face from the beginning -probably from the first few days of knowing her. I'm sorry you're disappointed!

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Goodguy7
    Iíve been dating a girl I met online exclusively for about 5 months. I really love this girl. Like truly. I havenít felt this way about someone in a long time.

    She comes from a rough past (no father/crazy mother, ran out on her husband for another man, dated the other man for years who was then cheating on her). Weíve had some conversations about her past and Iíve always been a loving, non judging, and understanding shoulder for her when it comes to this.

    She lost many friends bc of the situation with her ex husband, and it has really effected her. Other than family I would say she only has a 3-4 close friends. She tells me she really learned her lesson from that situation and I believe her. But...

    Over the past couple months some things have begun to bother me. Most notably her Instagram interactions. Like I said we met online on one app, but I found out through my friends that she had two other apps that included her Instagram tag. No big deal in the beginning because we werenít exclusive and sheís free to date and talk to whoever. We both agreed to delete all these apps from our phone, which I believe we both did but not necessarily the profiles.
    Anyway no big deal really, until I really started looking at her Instagram posts, followers, and activity. She posts a decent amount of selfies looking cute (nothing risquť), which I donít really care about but it does come off a little vain in my opinion. Then I start noticing the comments and likes. 95% are men, who she doesnít really know, flirting with her and she ďlikesĒ the comment and even flirts back in some cases. And she was adding a decent amount of men daily.

    So I brought up to her my issues. I told her that she is clearly getting all these followers from dating sites (there really is no other explanation to get this amount of new followers, she doesnít have creative content or is an influencer or anything like that and they are all men) and the fact that it was disrespectful to me that sheís interacting with these men that are flirting with her when weíre in a committed relationship. Her response was that Iím being insecure and that they and her are just being nice to each other and essentially sheís not going to do anything about it. I admit it obviously did make me feel insecure thatís why I brought it up and itís just behavior that I donít expect in my significant other. I value loyalty and respect most in a relationship.

    This girl has told me outright how insecure she is about herself, and evidenced by her social media activity really craves male attention. She also has bouts of depression that can last weeks. Which, psychologically, I get based on her past but the inability to understand my boundaries (which I feel like are pretty normal boundaries in a relationship but Iíd like the boardís opinion) and be flexible for your partner is really getting to me. Itís really tough for me to end it because I feel strongly for her, and this sort of connection is so rare.

    Am I overreacting about the Instagram issue?
    Do you think Im opening up myself to future heartache by being with this girl?

    I know I canít help her with her issues because Iím not a professional, but even if it doesnít work between us, I really feel bad for her and want to help her.
    Be respectful, and drag her to couples therapy. That shrink will get right in there, and either you'll fix the relationship with his help, or he'll tell you to get far away from her if she is not taking the sessions seriously.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member musicman777's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Goodguy7
    This is just crazy... how did I involve myself w someone so cold.
    Well man, you knew what you were getting into... this woman had a pretty horrible history with men. That's really terrible of someone to run off on their husband. The fact that friends and family cut her off for doing that, it speaks about her character. I'm sure you got a more sugar-coated end of that story as well. And who knows what other kind of history she has. Maybe beyond physical attraction to her, you are a good guy and wanted to give her a chance and see the good in people. I often do that myself with women. I see what I want to see and don't pay attention to the negatives.

    That crap on instagram is unacceptable. Online or not, it's not cool for her to be flirting with guys when you two agreed to be exclusive and have been dating that long. It's good you broke it off. Block her social media and everything, you need to disconnect from this toxic woman.

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