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Thread: How to Handle Work Place Rumors?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    How to Handle Work Place Rumors?

    I am dating a man that I work with but we are both in different departments so we barely see each other. I pride myself on being extremely loyal, with integrity, and I would never even think about cheating or leading another man on. I am always upfront about my relationship. In fact, when we first got together, I ended up blocking and distancing myself from a lot of male friends, ESPECIALLY if I felt like they didn't respect my relationship. But my partner did not do the same, and we talked about having friends of the opposite sex. He states that we are both adults, and he's not going to stop friendships he already has established because we are dating. I trust him, and I am not worried about if he have drinks with some of our female colleagues. After speaking about this, I loosened up and I was open to talking and establishing friendships at work with guys.

    So there is this guy at work who is pleasant to speak with. He is in a relationship and sometimes sit next to him during the work week. We talk about our partners and we talk about the things that interest us. He knows my boyfriend works with us, he even offered to go out on a double date. I did not hide this from my partner, I told him that I sat next to him sometimes and I even brought by double date ideas. It's honestly not that big of a deal. But now, he'll bring up hanging out and playing tennis in front of some of my colleagues, or he'll give me a hug goodbye. The hug itself is not awkward, it's the fact that messy onlookers are drinking up the scene.

    There is another guy at work that I speak with because we both have a dream that we can collaborate on. He has a fashion business that he is trying to pursue and I have marketing skills that I am trying to sharpen. Sometimes we will chat during breaks, and we've been planning to meet up to talk business but that never happens. I like speaking to him because it makes me feel motivated. Yesterday, he came up to me and told me to be careful with some of the people here. He told me that people asked him if we had something going on, and they also asked if the guy I sit next to is dating me. It's like I have people digging to throw dirt on my name and I am definitely not comfortable. My business friend would not tell me who said what. He won't budge, and that bothers me.. I told my boyfriend about the rumors and he told me that I worry too much.

    I need to do some damage control.. How do I handle a situation like this?
    Last edited by ConfusedLady21; 02-20-2020 at 11:37 PM.

  2. #2
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    It’s the rumor mill generating gossip by people with nothing better to do. You can either get sucked into it or rise above it. The choice is yours. The level of significance it has is directly proportional to the level of importance you give it, which should be none.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I agree with your boyfriend. People say things, think things—so what? Ignore it and it goes away, indulge it and you give the hot air a balloon to inflate.

    That said, dude number 2 is making move, of sorts. But you already know that, I suspect. Still, ignore it all and, poof, it reveals itself to be exactly what it is: drama, noise, nothing.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I am in no way trying to dismiss your current feelings, but can we just be real for a sec, are these ‘issues of the week’ getting old to you or do they serve a purpose?

    Don’t answer, just food for thought.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    I am in no way trying to dismiss your current feelings, but can we just be real for a sec, are these ‘issues of the week’ getting old to you or do they serve a purpose?
    I was thinking the same thing, FIO.

  7. #6
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    I'm with the ladies on this one.

    I am thankful it is not another thread about not feeling worthy of your partner.

    Cute dog.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't talk about your personal life this much. Be more neutral and professional. Stop hugging coworkers. Also do not flirt with coworkers or try to make your bf jealous.
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    there is this guy at work who is pleasant to speak with. We talk about our partners and we talk about the things that interest us. he'll give me a hug goodbye. I told my boyfriend about the rumors and he told me that I worry too much.

  9. #8
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    I think you got in your own way and dug your own hole by making an issue of this in the first place with your partner -is it possible he is stoking the rumor mill here or making comments -you tried to control his platonic friendships and now you're seen hugging coworkers -is hugging something that goes on in your workplace typically? I hug my coworker hello and goodbye when we meet for lunch outside the office every few months. She is female. If I happened to run into her in the office I would not hug her unless it was for something special where others were hugging her -like a promotion etc - because at least in my office it would not look professional.

    I would ignore the gossip and I think your interactions with your coworkers are fine and I'd keep more personal space between you -I'd say this about women too.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Pick a direction. Either you display your social life in the office because you don't care about how people interpret it, or you keep your private life private to moot such an issue.

    You can't have it both ways, because you can't control anyone but your Self.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I like that: "You can't control anyone but your self." ^^^

    Says it all if you think about it, Lady.

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