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Thread: Down the Toilet

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    In a way you finally have closure and now can move on to someone more compatible. It would be best to start the process of no contact and deleting him and all his people from all your social media, messaging apps and devices.

    You've both grown but in different directions. Reconnect with friends, take some classes and courses, volunteer. Join some groups and clubs. Get in shape update your look, clothes etc. Get more involved in your profession. Do all the things being in a stagnant relationship for to long held you back from.

    My advice on this remains the same: [Register to see the link]
    In a way, I was doing all of those things while I was with him, without him. He was around less and less, so I was taking care of myself. Itíll be hard, but I know it was right.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LTNS
    The worst pain is knowing my best friend is still in there, but heís too afraid to be him. I know that should say all I need to know, but the pain is real.
    I'm sorry but you really need to stop telling yourself this. He is who he is and who he is, is not who you want and wish him to be. The sooner you start accepting that, the easier it will be for you to let go. The longer you choose to bs yourself with "this is not who he is" the harder you make it on yourself to move forward.

    Accept and deal with reality. People who aren't into bad company, don't join up with bad company, people who aren't into drugs do not do drugs. He is doing what he is doing because he wants to and that's who he is.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    In some respects, he wasn't your choice anymore either. He's changed and can't be what you need.

    Anytime a relationship ends, it does hurt and you do need time to process how you feel.

    When I was young and fun (lol) I was the life of the party... I would be out at bars or parties and there'd always be maybe someone closer to middle age or older there. And they would be drunk and just partying with everyone else. And I'd always look at them like it was a little bit sad.

    That's when I knew, I never wanted to be that person. So as I started getting older I started wanting to get away from all the partying....

    It end some relationships & friendships. And it was hard. But all these years later those people still doing the same stupid stuff and they look horrible! They're not healthy at all..

    When your young, health doesn't seem like such a big deal, but you know it is. We have real problems in our society today especially with alcohol and drug abuse.

    It starts out as a fun time. It's super exciting everything's happy-go-lucky until one day it is not. Drugs and alcohol are coping mechanisms and people use them to escape life but its a waste of life.... At some point we all gotta grow up and make good choices, if we want a good life.

    Count your blessings, you aren't getting sucked into his reckless lifestyle.

    Hang in there.... hugs....

  4. #14
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    Time is the only healer, unfortunately, but it will happen, eventually. You have a good handle on where the two of you were, emotionally and mentally. Worlds apart. It was too great of a gap to bridge. Take this time to take good care of yourself, reflect, heal and grow stronger and more resolute. You made the right choice, for you. The love you have for yourself and others will only grow stronger. Blessings.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LTNS
    I do fear Iíll become too choosy after having the rug pulled out from under me. I donít want to keep myself from happiness either. Thank you for the kind words. I know time will heal
    You're very welcome, LTNS.

    Fear not. Becoming picky and very choosy is your new attribute. Being picky and very choosy means you won't settle for mediocre, subpar men. Your standards are very high, steadfast, absolute and unwavering. Never think you only deserve crumbs. Only aim for the best man of the highest moral character. Being very selective pays off.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LTNS
    Thereís so much masking of pain and responsibility that I know his future wonít be happy if he continues the same way. All of this, yet I still know I canít make it my responsibility to worry. Heís made his choice, and it wasnít me. I just donít know how to cope with that.
    I understand your worry and concern. But there's nothing you can do. It will just take time. Eventually, you will detach and start to feel better.

  8. #17
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    This is who he is now, OP.

    I know it hurts because it's not the man you once knew, but people do change. And it's not always for the better. It seems this has been a slow-simmering change over time, a growing up-and-growing apart- situation.

    He is going to take whichever path appeals to him in the moment. You can't help him, nor does it appear he's requested or really needs your help. This is why break-ups are so hard; we often have to deal with the reality that the person we thought we knew so well isn't there anymore. He's evolved (or devolved) into something else, rendering the relationship impossible. Time and space away from him will help you heal; be patient and kind to yourself while you recover,

  9. #18
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    I've been told that the end of a really good relationship is the same as grieving after a bereavement. It's not just what you had, it's the life you were going to have together that's now gone. It takes time to recover from that.

    There's no easy solution. Although it's a truism, things do get better as time goes on. You just have to move on, avoid getting drawn back in somehow, and keep going until it doesn't hurt as much.

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