Trust issues

Hi everyone. I'm new to this site and what brought me here is I really need some solid advice on which way to go in my life and this relationship I've been involved in. This is a crazy situation and easy to judge however I really would apprecaite advice as I know I should have made different decisions. I'm currently 32 years old, and I met this guy who is 43 years old back in July. I met him through his friend who I had a short relationship with, and it didn't work out. When I met him, he was still married (married for 15 years to be exact). He explained to me his marriage was over and he was sticking it out for their child (15 years old). Him and I got very close and he ended up leaving house, moving in with me 2 months later. He took his wife and child on vacation and right after he got back from vacation he moved in with me. His wife found out about us right away and wasn't happy at all to say the least...but he made the decision to leave and filed for divorce in early November. We ended up getting pregnant in September and I am currently 5 months pregnant. Our relationship has been rocky because he's never had trust for me. I've never cheated on him or talked to any guys behind his back. In August after he moved in, we went out for my co-workers going away party to a bar. I work with 1 female and the rest are men. I've been with my company for approx. 6 years and have grown friends with all my coworkers. Well the night we went out he was talking to some of my coworkers and I was walking around, talking to other coworkers, drinking, and he says I was really flirty and it made him uncomfortable. (to the point he still brings it up months later-its been an issue) Another issue we had is my friend and her boyfriend came over (who are alot younger than me-early 20's) I've known them for years and watched them grow up pretty much. Well my friends boyfriend grew his hair long and I was "playing with" his hair..my friend didn't take it in any appropriate way but my boyfriend did, he said it made him uncomfortable and it was really flirty and that's been another issue that has been brought up over and over and over again..constantly causing arguments. He is more of a reserved guy and I am more outgoing. During the beginning of our relationship there were things that made me uncomfortable...he goes to his house everyday that he shared with his wife to hang out with his daughter, his wife has said a lot of nasty things about me (completely understood) and he doesn't defend me. I have a 10 year old son, and am civil with his father, and he has a problem with that because he thinks I still have a thing for his father..even though we haven't been together in 9 years. I've deleted all social media accounts and changed my phone number to give him peace of mind. He has access to my cell phone and periodically goes through it (I guess to make sure nothing is going on behind his back with anything). I've also told my sons father to limit conversation with me and speak directly to his son because my boyfriend would get mad if we were on the phone (always in regards to my son). I'm not perfect and I guess I hurt him those times he thought I was being flirty. I know how much I love him and how I would never do anything to hurt him but he doesn't believe me. Recently, he started recording me. He put his old I-phone in my purse while I went to work and listened to me and my coworker (who happens to be a good friend of mine) conversation. (She is a female) She was talking about a guy she has been sleeping with/talking to and saying how he has a big "package" and my response was: "I know its perfect literally" - well my boyfriend heard the recording and lost it. Broke up with me, packed all his stuff and went and slept at his wifes house. He is convinced I saw this kid's private parts which I didn't and he is saying that I said it with "conviction". I feel he is looking into this too much-(hes listening to the recording everyday over and over) and it is making things worse. He ended up coming back a day later and brought back all his stuff- I literally had to beg! and ever since he's been up and down saying I'm a and I'm disgusting and gross and he's never seen a female act or speak that way. I've explained to him over and over and over it was a stupid comment that I didn't mean and I only love and care for him, and I am only attracted to him! I keep telling him but it is getting to the point we are going in circles. We've had a few good days and now he is back to ignoring me and telling me to get away from him and leave him alone. At this point, I really don't know where to go from here. I love him and want to work this out but I can't keep begging...Any advice is TRULY appreciated, as this is really depressing me.

Whatever happened to paragraphs? If one is trying to read this from a phone it is very difficult!

Sorry to hear this. Let him move out and go back to his wife. He shows signs of being controlling and abusive. Unless this is a BDSM relationship allowing him to record you is abusive.

Read up on controlling relationships and domestic abuse. You need to keep your son away from this creep and kick him out of your house. Stay in touch with your child's father and maintain a good co-parenting relationship. Never let some cheating johnny-come-lately decide about your child. Possessiveness is abuse and control not love.

Change All your passwords on all devices, accounts and delete and block him and All his people from all your social media. Get a restraining order and get him out of your house asap.

I'm currently 32 years old, and I met this guy who is 43 years old back in July. When I met him, he was still married

 

He explained to me his marriage was over and he was sticking it out for their child. Him and I got very close and he ended up leaving house, moving in with me 2 months later.

 

We ended up getting pregnant in September and I am currently 5 months pregnant. he goes to his house everyday that he shared with his wife to hang out with his daughter, his wife has said a lot of nasty things about me. I have a 10 year old son

 

Recently, he started recording me. He put his old I-phone in my purse while I went to work and listened to me and my coworker as this is really depressing me.

only problem is: we are having a child together. im due in june. hard to block him out of my life at this point. i actually spoke with him and he says hes getting his own place because he cannot get over how disgusting i am.......

only problem is: we are having a child together. im due in june. hard to block him out of my life at this point. i actually spoke with him and he says hes getting his own place because he cannot get over how disgusting i am.......

People with children separate for these reasons all the time. For that matter, I am sure you understand because I am sure you had to have a good reason to end the marriage with your first husband.

This isn't going to get better and you don't want to bring a little baby into to this abusive, toxic mix. What is this teaching your 10 old son? He needs to see an example strong woman who will not tolerate being controlled and emotionally abused in this way.

Let him leave, change the locks and get an attorney for custody arrangements and child support.

Excellent. When the child is born file for child support. Make him leave your home asap. He's abusive and you know this. Stop subjecting your child to this.

he says hes getting his own place because he cannot get over how disgusting i am.......

i do know this. its been making me crazy..i feel like i did something terribly wrong, but everyone tells me its him---hes completely mind f*cked me! people are telling me i should be livid that he would record me without knowing, having a personal conversation with my girlfriend, and then to break up with me over it.....i feel like theres more to it, i dont know anyone that would end a relationship because someone said something to their friend in a personal conversation...there was no cheating or talking to a man behind his back or anything of a kind. kind of seems like a cop out if you ask me...idk.

You really need help — you need to contact a domestic abuse hotline and get a therapist. You think he is copping out, which means you still want a relationship with a nasty, abusive creep. You have problems and are putting your children in harm’s way. Get help now!!! There is something seriously wrong with your thinking.

Research abusive relationships and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get this guy out of your life and allow your child to contact his father. Never put having man in your life above the welfare of your child.

Getting pregnant won't keep him endeared to you, however you will have to go to court and petition for child support when the child is born. Get to a doctor an evaluation and checkup. Get tested for STDs, creeps like this who cheat with you will cheat on you.

Ask for a referral to a therapist and speak candidly with the doctor about what is going on. Also enlist the help of friends and family to get him out of your house. Change the locks, get a restraining order so he can not stay there or start causing trouble for your child.

And your child by allowing him in your home.

---hes completely mind f*cked me!

Got on the laptop.

Wow! So you contribute to breaking up a marriage, and then make the brilliant decision to bring a stranger into your child's home after two months- Ideally, a kid should not even meet a love interest until six months, yet you have him as a roomie after two. Terrible judgment as a parent.

Now, you are subjecting your child to all sorts of abuse by being with this guy. You really need to stop thinking about yourself and be a better parent. I really feel for your child, as YOU are doing great harm!

I would bet money that he has been sleeping with the ex the whole time.

Cut off this controlling, abusive, manipulative dirtbag. File for child support and make visitation arrangements through the courts.

i suggest therapy and parenting classes. You are not a victim, but have allowed/contributed to a lot of very bad behavior

OMG he actually sounds like a psycho! He's extremely jealous and controlling in abnormal ways! His behaviours are NOT OK. I can't believe you continued dating him after he acted like that! Do you think it's normal of your partner to constantly suspect you of cheating and control your every move? When you're actually doing nothing wrong? He's very weirdly paranoid! How is just speaking to your male colleagues cheating? You've worked in that company for six years and these guys are your friends.

He gave you ZERO privacy and completely controlled your social media, phone and every aspect of your life. You shouldn't have had to delete your social media and give him access to your phone! You're allowed to have privacy and your own life! Tracking your partner's every move is NOT normal.

You didn't have to apologise for that conversation with your family colleague at all. He was recording you and spying on you without your knowledge. You didn't even say or do anything wrong!! WHY WHY WHY do you think this is all OK and you were begging for him to come back? The guy is a psycho! I wouldn't have put up with it even for one minute.