How to Handle Work Place Rumors?

I am dating a man that I work with but we are both in different departments so we barely see each other. I pride myself on being extremely loyal, with integrity, and I would never even think about cheating or leading another man on. I am always upfront about my relationship. In fact, when we first got together, I ended up blocking and distancing myself from a lot of male friends, ESPECIALLY if I felt like they didn't respect my relationship. But my partner did not do the same, and we talked about having friends of the opposite sex. He states that we are both adults, and he's not going to stop friendships he already has established because we are dating. I trust him, and I am not worried about if he have drinks with some of our female colleagues. After speaking about this, I loosened up and I was open to talking and establishing friendships at work with guys.

So there is this guy at work who is pleasant to speak with. He is in a relationship and sometimes sit next to him during the work week. We talk about our partners and we talk about the things that interest us. He knows my boyfriend works with us, he even offered to go out on a double date. I did not hide this from my partner, I told him that I sat next to him sometimes and I even brought by double date ideas. It's honestly not that big of a deal. But now, he'll bring up hanging out and playing tennis in front of some of my colleagues, or he'll give me a hug goodbye. The hug itself is not awkward, it's the fact that messy onlookers are drinking up the scene.

There is another guy at work that I speak with because we both have a dream that we can collaborate on. He has a fashion business that he is trying to pursue and I have marketing skills that I am trying to sharpen. Sometimes we will chat during breaks, and we've been planning to meet up to talk business but that never happens. I like speaking to him because it makes me feel motivated. Yesterday, he came up to me and told me to be careful with some of the people here. He told me that people asked him if we had something going on, and they also asked if the guy I sit next to is dating me. It's like I have people digging to throw dirt on my name and I am definitely not comfortable. My business friend would not tell me who said what. He won't budge, and that bothers me.. I told my boyfriend about the rumors and he told me that I worry too much.

I need to do some damage control.. How do I handle a situation like this?

It’s the rumor mill generating gossip by people with nothing better to do. You can either get sucked into it or rise above it. The choice is yours. The level of significance it has is directly proportional to the level of importance you give it, which should be none.

I agree with your boyfriend. People say things, think things—so what? Ignore it and it goes away, indulge it and you give the hot air a balloon to inflate.

That said, dude number 2 is making move, of sorts. But you already know that, I suspect. Still, ignore it all and, poof, it reveals itself to be exactly what it is: drama, noise, nothing.

I am in no way trying to dismiss your current feelings, but can we just be real for a sec, are these ‘issues of the week’ getting old to you or do they serve a purpose?

Don’t answer, just food for thought.

I am in no way trying to dismiss your current feelings, but can we just be real for a sec, are these ‘issues of the week’ getting old to you or do they serve a purpose?

I was thinking the same thing, FIO.

I'm with the ladies on this one.

I am thankful it is not another thread about not feeling worthy of your partner.

Cute dog.

Don't talk about your personal life this much. Be more neutral and professional. Stop hugging coworkers. Also do not flirt with coworkers or try to make your bf jealous.

there is this guy at work who is pleasant to speak with. We talk about our partners and we talk about the things that interest us. he'll give me a hug goodbye. I told my boyfriend about the rumors and he told me that I worry too much.

I think you got in your own way and dug your own hole by making an issue of this in the first place with your partner -is it possible he is stoking the rumor mill here or making comments -you tried to control his platonic friendships and now you're seen hugging coworkers -is hugging something that goes on in your workplace typically? I hug my coworker hello and goodbye when we meet for lunch outside the office every few months. She is female. If I happened to run into her in the office I would not hug her unless it was for something special where others were hugging her -like a promotion etc - because at least in my office it would not look professional.

I would ignore the gossip and I think your interactions with your coworkers are fine and I'd keep more personal space between you -I'd say this about women too.

Pick a direction. Either you display your social life in the office because you don't care about how people interpret it, or you keep your private life private to moot such an issue.

You can't have it both ways, because you can't control anyone but your Self.

I like that: "You can't control anyone but your self." ^^^

Says it all if you think about it, Lady.

Gosh the multiple affairs I had in the 30 years at my workplace I was accused of having lol...even with people I have never met before but it ended up circulated at other branches anyways. It's just dumb $%^&. People will gossip, and there is nothing you can do or say to stop it.

My advice...ignore it and so should your BF.

He told me that people asked him if we had something going on, and they also asked if the guy I sit next to is dating me. It's like I have people digging to throw dirt on my name and I am definitely not comfortable.

It's only big deal if you make it one. Someone asked a question. That's all. Assuming they were given an answer, then I'd let it go and move on from it.

I dont think there is any "damage" to control. You'll never stop the rumour mill. Handle yourself with dignity and let the gossipers gossip.

I like that: "You can't control anyone but your self." ^^^

 

Says it all if you think about it, Lady.

Sure, think about grade school when kids gossiped and it got back to the target. Then that kid launches into a futile effort to try to put a stop to what people say, and all it does is stir up attention to the rumor and cause people who may not have heard it to learn of it, or people who didn't care about it to pay it more notice than before.

It's supposed to teach us: don't be noisy about anything you'd want kept quiet, and if you hear any noise, don't amplify it by raising it further.

The problem with bringing private business into the workplace is that you own zero control over what happens with it, and the consequences of that depend on how seriously you want to be taken in the workplace. Using bad social judgment can mean that you'll never be credited for having good judgment under any circumstances, so your promotability can be impacted by that.

Sure, think about grade school when kids gossiped and it got back to the target. Then that kid launches into a futile effort to try to put a stop to what people say, and all it does is stir up attention to the rumor and cause people who may not have heard it to learn of it, or people who didn't care about it to pay it more notice than before.

 

It's supposed to teach us: don't be noisy about anything you'd want kept quiet, and if you hear any noise, don't amplify it by raising it further.

 

The problem with bringing private business into the workplace is that you own zero control over what happens with it, and the consequences of that depend on how seriously you want to be taken in the workplace. Using bad social judgment can mean that you'll never be credited for having good judgment under any circumstances, so your promotability can be impacted by that.

I agree with this. Unfortunately the moment you decided to have a relationship with a coworker you opened the gossip door.

Not saying it’s right or even fair it’s just office politics, those who choose to combine their outside life with their work life run a high chance of being the office topic. At least that’s how it usually goes in every place I’ve worked.

Is hugging a normal action for this guy towards everyone, or is it just you? That would definitely be fodder for prying eyes and gossipy lips.

I wonder if there is flirty behavior in general happening that is fueling the gossip mill. Maybe you don't realize you're doing it, or maybe you don't recognize that he is doing it.

I have a female coworker who hugs. I really can't say I've noticed much around male coworkers vs. female, but it is clear she hugs her "besties" compared to the "average coworker," or maybe she recognizes boundaries on those who are not amenable to the touchy-feely. I don't know. She hugs. She's not flirty. No biggie. It doesn't raise any eyebrows. Now, if she was shoulder-to-shoulder and hip-to-hip with a man in the breakroom or at the desk, with some close-talking and giggles and hugs...yeah, conclusions would be drawn.

Do female coworkers garner the same attention from you?

I'm going to agree with the rest, and that is not to add any fuel to the fire here and ignore the gossip, but I also feel like you should check yourself and try to identify if you're behaving in a flirty, attention-seeking manner. A booster to your ego of sorts. You already feel insecure and inferior. You felt that you were required to block and end friendships with everyone of the opposite gender when you had a boyfriend - why? Were you flirting with these other men? Was there some potential of dating or just the thrill of the attention and the attraction? Your boyfriend did not feel that he had to go completely nuclear on platonic female friends and coworkers, so you followed suit and reopened the door of accepting opposite gender friendships, but why is it that your entire post is about two men, and that these friendships are in such a way that they are feeding the rumor mill at work? Do you behave differently with these men than you do your female counterparts? I don't mean to place blame on you, OP, but I just feel like these gossipy stories aren't coming out of nowhere. I think it's important that you check yourself here. Be aware of your own actions and behaviors.

The bottom line is not to address or add to whatever these people are getting all twisted up about. Don't give the gossip any legs. Check yourself and behave in a professional manner.

This is like the biggest reason why I advise friends and family not to date coworkers. You are the water cooler topic.

I think your boyfriend is letting the rumors get to him and if he truly trusts you, like how he expects you to trust him with his female friends, then he would just ignore the gossip.