Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 27

Thread: Is this a red flag?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    170
    Gender
    Female

    Is this a red flag?

    I have very limited experience with online dating, so, this is my question.

    This is about someone I met online today. Is it a red flag when he calls you for the first time, you talk for about 15 minutes (I had to go), arrange a date for Monday (because he'll be out of town until Sunday) and then insists to call you back later? I felt pressure and I didn't like it. I told him politely that he could call tomorrow (from his trip) but he insisted and when I told him I had plans for this evening he even asked what time I'd be back home and said I don't mind even if it's late, I stay up late at night.

    I don't know, it felt weird.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,787
    If you had to go he might want to chat a bit longer before meeting or confirm the date.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,938
    Gender
    Female
    Eh sounds like you might be over reacting a bit. You were the one who had to cut the conversation short. You can't really expect someone to call you while traveling. Their focus is likely to be elsewhere.

    This is one of those things where it's too early going to jump to conclusions. He might be trying a bit too hard, he might have felt like maybe you are brushing him off so he wants to talk more, or really insert anyone's guess here. I'd reserve judgment and meet him in person and see how it goes. If you still feel off then, then trust your gut. Right now, you just don't have enough information.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,665
    Gender
    Male
    I think when it's this early, excepting the most glaring of unsavory behavior, it's best to listen to your gut than diagnosis red flags by committee. If someone seems overeager and pushy by your standards, so much so to make you lose interest in meeting up, so be it. Easier to just go that route than the analytical one.

    If I were in your shoes? Wouldn't be my thing, though neither are phone calls before dates. Am I a red flag because I don't want to talk on the phone before a date? To some, sure, just as some would have deemed it a red flag that my now girlfriend was "busy" when I tried to meet up with her the first few times. I'm happy I didn't.

    Do you still want to meet him more than you no longer want to meet him?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,389
    He doesn't seem reasonable and he's insistent IMHO. He should've yielded more and coordinated with your schedule better. I think he's rather pushy IMHO.

    Give him a chance. Agree on a date together and observe what type of personality and character he has. Evaluate in your mind and go from there.

    Or, if you feel weird and your gut instincts are telling you that you don't like his insistent, selfish personality, then politely decline.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,787
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I think when it's this early, excepting the most glaring of unsavory behavior, it's best to listen to your gut than diagnosis red flags by committee. If someone seems overeager and pushy by your standards, so much so to make you lose interest in meeting up, so be it. Easier to just go that route than the analytical one.

    If I were in your shoes? Wouldn't be my thing, though neither are phone calls before dates. Am I a red flag because I don't want to talk on the phone before a date? To some, sure, just as some would have deemed it a red flag that my now girlfriend was "busy" when I tried to meet up with her the first few times. I'm happy I didn't.

    Do you still want to meet him more than you no longer want to meet him?
    I never met someone who wouldn't talk on the phone before a first meet. I did a lot of screening out based on a phone call -including voice quality/tone and how he carried on a conversation since we were going to meet in person and not meet and text from screens. Also because of safety -if he wouldn't talk to me on the phone I also assumed it was because he had something to hide.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    170
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by bluecastle

    Do you still want to meet him more than you no longer want to meet him?
    I do want to meet him. I don't know if I'll still want to meet him on Monday though. It depends on how many times he'll call me from his trip. I did tell him I'm not really a phone person, that I'd rather get to know him in person. I'll see if he respects that.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,537
    Gender
    Male
    Ok, it's odd to be this persistent. Just let calls go to VM and return them if/when you wish. Do not explain to anyone you have never met when you will or won't be home, why etc. Next time offer to call him...see what the reaction is.
    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    then insists to call you back later? I felt pressure and I didn't like it. I told him politely that he could call tomorrow (from his trip) but he insisted and when I told him I had plans for this evening he even asked what time I'd be back home and said I don't mind even if it's late, I stay up late at night.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,389
    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I do want to meet him. I don't know if I'll still want to meet him on Monday though. It depends on how many times he'll call me from his trip. I did tell him I'm not really a phone person, that I'd rather get to know him in person. I'll see if he respects that.
    You need to determine whether or not he has a respectful personality towards you. If he's a red flag, yes, he's a red flag so listen to your intuition because your gut is always right.

  11. #10
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    979
    Gender
    Female
    He probably doesn't think a 15 minute conversation is enough to get a feel for who you are. I'd let him call one more time when you have leisure.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity

Most Women Rather Not Date Unemployed Men
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •