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Thread: Sinister or Just Spam?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to say this, but your life sounds very exhausting.
    Trying to keep tabs on your Fiance sounds like a full time job.
    My Ex cheated & I was done. Life is too short to be watching & checking 24/7.
    You deserve a much happier life than this one.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How does 50 years of feeling like you have to check his Apple watch sound?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Anyone's guess. I've never gotten anything such and I have a work phone that's public. If he is still using same phone from before, then he would be in the system so to speak. If he changed his number....more likely than not, this is fresh contact on his part.

    Ultimately, you are asking the wrong question. The right question is rather is this really how you want to live? Constantly policing, patrolling, checking, always on edge, always stressed, in and out of therapy and counseling, always waiting for the other shoe to drop...again.... Is this really how you want to live?
    That's what I was thinking. Checking account and "policing" sounds exhausting. I can't imagine being with someone I didn't trust.

    You should have been done long ago .

  4. #14
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    Whether or not it means anything is nebulous proposition. It might, it might not. The bigger question as I see it is can you live with having these kind of doubts about your s.o. over the long term? If he changes great, but you can't expect him to or rely on that happening. This is who he is. Imo, you should be putting more thought into whether or not this dynamic is something you can resolve within yourself and come to terms and ultimately be happy with. I'd imagine it will become very tiring for you, if it isn't already. Once trust is gone, everything else goes with it. If you're willing to be fair with him about giving him the benefit of the doubt, I think you should be equally fair with yourself about whether or not this is something you want or deserve.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Ultimately, you are asking the wrong question. The right question is rather is this really how you want to live? Constantly policing, patrolling, checking, always on edge, always stressed, in and out of therapy and counseling, always waiting for the other shoe to drop...again.... Is this really how you want to live?
    If you do opt to stay with this guy, I would not marry him. Can you imagine adding the cost of lawyers and the splitting of assets in order to free yourself if he divebombs again?

    Don't you deserve a life free of looking over your shoulder and wondering if you'll be passed an STD?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    That's what I was thinking. Checking account and "policing" sounds exhausting. I can't imagine being with someone I didn't trust.

    You should have been done long ago .
    I meant checking activities and policing. Ugh

  8. #17
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    I get tons of crap email, messages, texts on phone, computer, and so on.

    With data breaches happening all the time, I am not surprised at all.

    An insecure or uninformed person could look at all that and conclude evil intent on my part.

    What's happening is just spam. Annoying as hell, but nothing more.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    There are a million ways to cross reference contact information for spamming purposes, even old information. We can only guess as to whether the spam was a direct consequence of more recent efforts. Fact is if you understandably don't trust him, you dump him. It's not license to then police him.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Most addicts enter cat and mouse relationships like this. You're the police/detective and they try to outsmart you with lies and sneaking around. This was is and will always be the dynamic. When he gives you enough lip-service to let your guard down he can start again and part of the fun for him will be devising new ways to deceive you and get away with things..

    Get to a doctor for a complete evaluation including STDs. Many can be asymptomatic for years and threaten your health and fertility. Also consider therapy for yourself to try to understand and sort out why you want a life of games and feel the urge to fix someone like this when you know that trusting him is a mistake. You may think he's 'cured' of drugs and hookers but he knows where to look and you know he has the urge to do this.

  11. #20
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    I get loads of emails like this - or at least my spam folder does. I've never signed up to any dodgy sites, and frankly I neither know nor care where they've got my email address from, as long as they go straight into the plop bucket and don't bother me.

    Unless you've other reasons right now to suspect him, I'd let this one float straight past on the breeze.

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