Ex unblocked me after 5+ years

Hi everyone,

 

My ex has suddenly unblocked me on all social media (IG, twitter, FB) after over 5 years NC. I don't know why, and I don't know if he's been snooping - he's in a relationship, but why now?

 

We were together 2 years. 2 very intense years! We broke up badly then I got into another relationship after he messed me around/used me for sex for around a year with the promise that things would be normal again at some point (silly in hindsight I wish I'd stood up for myself).

 

Another weird thing is my family told me he is renting a house the street next to theirs. I don't live there anymore, and it's in a really cut-off area where there's nothing really going on for people our age & is also quite expensive. My family also thought it was strange that he decided to move practically next door.

 

I hope it's just because he's moved on but seeing his face again feels like it's dragged me back a bit. I'm happily married now to a lovely person and live 200 miles away from him. I don't want to be dragged into anything why didn't he just leave me blocked?

 

thank you

I'm curious how you know that you are suddenly unblocked. Do you regularly check his social media to see if he has decided to unblock you? Understandable, human, if that's the case. Still, it is a choice, which is to say you can only be "dragged" into something if you're looking for something to be dragged into.

 

So rather than ask "Why now?" I would ask "Does why matter?" If you remain occasionally curious about him, occasionally regretful about that chapter in your life, occasionally angry and/or whimsical about it, and occasionally wishing a few things could be said or unsaid—well, odds are he feels similarly. Not so mysterious, in short, and only as confusing as you want to make it.

 

You're happily married, living a new life. I say keep doing all that, being present in the present, and let this go. It is the past. Nothing is stopping you, of course, from blocking him, and closing the door to the potential of being dragged into anything. Might be worth considering, for your own emotional equilibrium and in respect to your marriage and husband.

Excellent. Reset all your privacy settings on all your social media. Carefully go through all your devices and apps. Delete and block him and all his people from all your contact lists, messaging apps and social media.

 

Maybe he got a new phone and is not too tech savvy, who knows. However it's in your control to remove any connection that computer programs and apps have.

I'm happily married now to a lovely person and live 200 miles away from him.

How do you know you're unblocked?

 

Do you check his social media to see if you are able to view his profile?

 

If you're happily married why would it even matter? Do you entertain wistful thinking about reconciling with him and having things go right this time?

 

ETA: I presume it's this same ex...https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=556933

 

It's more than being unblocked, he's communicating with you.

 

You are flirting with an affair. Again, if you're happily married to a lovely person why are you entertaining this ex from years and years ago?

Hi boltnrun, no that was someone else! The person I'm referring to is from my older posts (2013). I don't talk to that person anymore at all.

 

I found out he'd unblocked me because I still have many mutual friends with him, and while scrolling through my timeline I saw his name pop up a few times where I couldn't before (likes, comments etc). Out of curiousity I checked IG and twitter and yep, unblocked there too.

 

Maybe moving next door to my family wasn't getting anywhere so he needed to check up on me in other ways.

But this is the second ex you're posting about over the past year or so.

 

Are you happy in your marriage? It seems odd that you're thinking about exes so much. Generally if one is happy in one's relationship you don't even care what an ex is doing and you don't accept messages from any ex.

Maybe moving next door to my family wasn't getting anywhere so he needed to check up on me in other ways.

 

The way you worded this seems you give this much more importance than it deserves. The phenomenon of social media makes things readily available. Too much so. It was probably a slow day for him, that's all.

 

It seemed to rock you a little bit. Block him so you don't waste any further energy on this.

Maybe moving next door to my family wasn't getting anywhere so he needed to check up on me in other ways.

 

Why is it so important to you that he remains fixated on you?

Maybe he created new social media account.

I am happy in my marriage I love my husband to bits! I’m just curious in all honesty with no more behind it.

I think if he hadn’t moved so close to my family I wouldn’t be so bothered, I just don’t want him finding ways via social media to see when I’m home etc as he literally lives a street away now. It’s weird to me because it’s such a specific place to move to.

 

I don’t want him to be fixated on me - that’s the point. He made my life hell for nearly 2 years.

 

It’s not a new account either he went through the trouble of unblocking me on all over a period of days (yes I was anxious enough to check).

I'm happily married now to a lovely person and live 200 miles away from him. I don't want to be dragged into anything why didn't he just leave me blocked?

My question to you is why, after five years do you still look at his facebook, continue to listen to parents who inform you about his whereabouts and why YOU haven't blocked and deleted him?

 

What keeps you mired to him like that after all these years? Answer that question rather than the one you ask here. If you "don't want to be "dragged in anything" then why on earth are you dragging yourself into any of it?

 

 

I found out he'd unblocked me because I still have many mutual friends with him, and while scrolling through my timeline I saw his name pop up a few times where I couldn't before (likes, comments etc). Out of curiousity I checked IG and twitter and yep, unblocked there too.

 

Maybe moving next door to my family wasn't getting anywhere so he needed to check up on me in other ways.

or maybe ...

 

Hmmmm! Who is checking up on who? You have been doing a whole lot of checking yourself instead of blocking and deleting which is rather telling even if your self-conscious isn't letting you know consicously.

Remember in harry potter where Malfoy tattles that Harry is in the corridor after curfew. He gets a detention or points taken from his house because although it was true Harry was up past curfew, so was Malfoy to be able to have seen it. Busted. So this isn't about why your ex unblocked you, but why do you know? Busted. Please leave your ex be. You should have deleted him from social media long ago. Do it now.

My advice about your continued contact with exes remains the same: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=556933&p=7089227&viewfull=1#post7089227

I am happy in my marriage I love my husband to bits! I’m just curious in all honesty with no more behind it.

I think if he hadn’t moved so close to my family I wouldn’t be so bothered, I just don’t want him finding ways via social media to see when I’m home etc as he literally lives a street away now. It’s weird to me because it’s such a specific place to move to.

 

I don’t want him to be fixated on me - that’s the point. He made my life hell for nearly 2 years.

 

It’s not a new account either he went through the trouble of unblocking me on all over a period of days (yes I was anxious enough to check).

 

So block him yourself. And i doubt if he delibrately moved a block away from you if he hasn't had contact in over 5 years,

just a story 00 my grandparents grew up on the exact same street - but they were a mile and a half apart on the same street. They went to the same neighborhood pool. They never met until grandpa's sister introduced them because grandma was in the same club as my great aunt when grandma was 17. The great aunt and grandma knew eachother for a couple months at that point.

 

Unless his yard is behind your yard, its possible that you will never cross paths.

I am happy in my marriage I love my husband to bits! I’m just curious in all honesty with no more behind it.

I think if he hadn’t moved so close to my family I wouldn’t be so bothered, I just don’t want him finding ways via social media to see when I’m home etc as he literally lives a street away now.

 

But how can he do this (the bolded) when you wrote this: "Another weird thing is my family told me he is renting a house the street next to theirs. I don't live there anymore, and it's in a really cut-off area where there's nothing really going on for people our age & is also quite expensive. My family also thought it was strange that he decided to move practically next door.

 

I hope it's just because he's moved on but seeing his face again feels like it's dragged me back a bit. I'm happily married now to a lovely person and live 200 miles away from him".

 

Do you mean he will look at your social media to see when you're visiting and then stalk you or something?

 

Easy to deal with...block him!

 

Honestly, you seem excited about the possibility of running into him. Maybe you have a fantasy that after all these years he just can't get over you and is deliberately trying to see you to beg for you to reconcile with him or something.

 

I ask again...what do you feel is missing in your marriage that you're harboring thoughts of this ex? Your husband may be "lovely" but you're looking for something. What is it you're looking for?

I think the world we live in, with social media, gives everyone detailed information about people that we wouldn't have and makes normal everyday things seem connected when in fact, they are not.

 

Years later, the stuff I do may seem related to people or interests I used to have, but something to keep in mind, time marches on. whatever you think you know about a person is solely based on old data and your perspective.

 

That other person, has their life, experiences and changes, etc that changed them in ways you could never know.

 

I wonder what makes you think any of this has to do with you? Both moving near your family (not you) and the unblocking seem like stretches. Maybe you're bored and looking for something intetesting to be going on here.

 

I once moved close to an ex and I had an ex move right by me... neither situation had anything to do with the relationship. I also would not let an ex's family nearby, stop me from moving to a place i loved. Just cause it doesn't seem like a place well suited for them, means nothing. You don't know what is actually going on with them.

 

And If I were trying to reconnect with an ex, I wouldn't start by moving near their family.

 

Unblocking is easily excused away, the person is not emotionally charged with feelings about you. Their first thought might not have been to block you, if they got a new profile. They make block you if you pop up.

 

The best thing you can do is see these for what they most likely are -- coincidences.

 

Especially, as you are happily married. Does anything this other person dies have anything to do with you? Block them now and don't invite trouble intro your life.

 

 

It’s not a new account either he went through the trouble of unblocking me on all over a period of days (yes I was anxious enough to check).

Again. . the wording. It wasn't any trouble to unblock to take a peek.

It took him all of a couple seconds.

I think the anxiety may be over nothing.

I've asked, as have others: Why not block him?

 

Yes, that requires humility. It means taking ownership of some uncomfortable personal truths—namely that he is a person who triggers in you obsessive and unhealthy thoughts and feelings. But in the big picture there is more power in that than in what you're doing now, which is searching for signs that you still have some kind of sway over him.

 

Most of us have a messy relationship or two in the rearview mirror, one that leaves a sliver of the ego permanently enflamed and makes us wince a bit when we think about it. Fine, normal, human. It is, in the end, a choice whether to indulge in that energy or take steps to snuff it out. You are choosing indulgence.

 

You can't control how he, or anyone, uses social media. You can, however, control how you do. I would think about the choices you're making on that front, and whether or not they serve your life positively or negatively.

Unless you wish to resume contact and a relationship (friendship) with your ex, there's no reason why he needs to remain in your life electronically. If you don't wish for him to snoop into your life, delete and block HIM on all social media.

 

It's creepy that he moved and now rents a house nearby your family's house. Well, at least it's not on the same street but I hear you, it is indeed too close for comfort!

 

Good thing you're 200 miles away from your ex and congratulations on your happy marriage!

 

He didn't leave you permanently unblocked because he's curious and wishes to snoop into your life. In other words, he's nosy! He's attempting to pry into your life. Never allow him to do so!

 

Even though I've had both good and bad people in my past, I've never even had the interest nor desire to invite them back into my life as friends even if they were extended family members. Now that I'm very happily married with children, I have a new life now and my old, past life is no more. I'm too consumed and preoccupied with my newfound happiness. My previous life is merely history and nowhere near as content as nowadays. I have no particular hard feelings towards any of them. I've since simply lost interest in them. Therefore, they don't exist in my world anymore. I'm sure they're very busy with their lives, too. We all went our separate ways. I have my immediate family life and choose to be very selective regarding my friends within my geography and various local relatives. It suits me just fine, too. Everyone else is out.

 

I've had some people unblock me and we're currently on peaceful terms albeit never reverting to previous innocent, naive times. We are civil toward one another yet I maintain a safe distance now that I know what they're capable of and after they've showed me their true colors. Once bitten twice shy.

Just block him if you don't want him seeing or knowing anything about you, OP.

 

The solution here is simple.

Now he's unblocked you, you can instantly block him. Drama solved. Something tells me you don't want that though.

Doesn't matter. It's social media, not reality. The only person who has any power to decide whether or not it matters is you. So that leaves you with the question does it, or doesn't it? In all honesty, it shouldn't. It shouldn't be worth a second thought to you because the truth is, it's not. Not at all.

OP, lots of folk have advised you to block this ex yourself. Are you going to let us know if you've done this and if not, what's stopping you?

I haven't checked up on him, he was on my timeline for the first time in years. We have a lot of mutual friends so it's not exactly easy to miss. It prompted me to check other social media because I didn't know if FB just unblocks people automatically after a certain amount of time.

 

I don't want anything to do with him and won't block him unless he becomes a problem. Right now I'm getting on with my life and he's getting on with his and I have no issues - so I won't block because that comes across as a bit petty imo after all this time. UNLESS he strikes up conversation or starts snooping on me (looking at stories etc where I can tell).

 

I don't think about him from one day to the next, I just got a bit concerned because he moved so close to my family that even THEY got worried. I don't want this to be another step he takes to potentially weasel his way into my life. If things stay normal I won't care, but I will block if anything comes of this.

 

In short, I'm indifferent if there's no intent behind it. I haven't blocked anyone on social media because I don't feel the need unless they're harassing me and so far he has not.

However you claim this and his move are problems. Why maintain a toxic liaison? Are you happy in your marriage? What is the point of exes orbiting you?

won't block him unless he becomes a problem.