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Thread: Ex unblocked me after 5+ years

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'm happily married now to a lovely person and live 200 miles away from him. I don't want to be dragged into anything why didn't he just leave me blocked?
    My question to you is why, after five years do you still look at his facebook, continue to listen to parents who inform you about his whereabouts and why YOU haven't blocked and deleted him?

    What keeps you mired to him like that after all these years? Answer that question rather than the one you ask here. If you "don't want to be "dragged in anything" then why on earth are you dragging yourself into any of it?

    Originally Posted by Jay98

    I found out he'd unblocked me because I still have many mutual friends with him, and while scrolling through my timeline I saw his name pop up a few times where I couldn't before (likes, comments etc). Out of curiousity I checked IG and twitter and yep, unblocked there too.

    Maybe moving next door to my family wasn't getting anywhere so he needed to check up on me in other ways.
    or maybe ...

    Hmmmm! Who is checking up on who? You have been doing a whole lot of checking yourself instead of blocking and deleting which is rather telling even if your self-conscious isn't letting you know consicously.

  2. #12
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    Remember in harry potter where Malfoy tattles that Harry is in the corridor after curfew. He gets a detention or points taken from his house because although it was true Harry was up past curfew, so was Malfoy to be able to have seen it. Busted. So this isn't about why your ex unblocked you, but why do you know? Busted. Please leave your ex be. You should have deleted him from social media long ago. Do it now.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    My advice about your continued contact with exes remains the same: [Register to see the link]

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Jay98
    I am happy in my marriage I love my husband to bits! Iím just curious in all honesty with no more behind it.
    I think if he hadnít moved so close to my family I wouldnít be so bothered, I just donít want him finding ways via social media to see when Iím home etc as he literally lives a street away now. Itís weird to me because itís such a specific place to move to.

    I donít want him to be fixated on me - thatís the point. He made my life hell for nearly 2 years.

    Itís not a new account either he went through the trouble of unblocking me on all over a period of days (yes I was anxious enough to check).
    So block him yourself. And i doubt if he delibrately moved a block away from you if he hasn't had contact in over 5 years,
    just a story 00 my grandparents grew up on the exact same street - but they were a mile and a half apart on the same street. They went to the same neighborhood pool. They never met until grandpa's sister introduced them because grandma was in the same club as my great aunt when grandma was 17. The great aunt and grandma knew eachother for a couple months at that point.

    Unless his yard is behind your yard, its possible that you will never cross paths.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jay98
    I am happy in my marriage I love my husband to bits! Iím just curious in all honesty with no more behind it.
    I think if he hadnít moved so close to my family I wouldnít be so bothered, I just donít want him finding ways via social media to see when Iím home etc as he literally lives a street away now.
    But how can he do this (the bolded) when you wrote this: "Another weird thing is my family told me he is renting a house the street next to theirs. I don't live there anymore, and it's in a really cut-off area where there's nothing really going on for people our age & is also quite expensive. My family also thought it was strange that he decided to move practically next door.

    I hope it's just because he's moved on but seeing his face again feels like it's dragged me back a bit. I'm happily married now to a lovely person and live 200 miles away from him".

    Do you mean he will look at your social media to see when you're visiting and then stalk you or something?

    Easy to deal with...block him!

    Honestly, you seem excited about the possibility of running into him. Maybe you have a fantasy that after all these years he just can't get over you and is deliberately trying to see you to beg for you to reconcile with him or something.

    I ask again...what do you feel is missing in your marriage that you're harboring thoughts of this ex? Your husband may be "lovely" but you're looking for something. What is it you're looking for?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I think the world we live in, with social media, gives everyone detailed information about people that we wouldn't have and makes normal everyday things seem connected when in fact, they are not.

    Years later, the stuff I do may seem related to people or interests I used to have, but something to keep in mind, time marches on. whatever you think you know about a person is solely based on old data and your perspective.

    That other person, has their life, experiences and changes, etc that changed them in ways you could never know.

    I wonder what makes you think any of this has to do with you? Both moving near your family (not you) and the unblocking seem like stretches. Maybe you're bored and looking for something intetesting to be going on here.

    I once moved close to an ex and I had an ex move right by me... neither situation had anything to do with the relationship. I also would not let an ex's family nearby, stop me from moving to a place i loved. Just cause it doesn't seem like a place well suited for them, means nothing. You don't know what is actually going on with them.

    And If I were trying to reconnect with an ex, I wouldn't start by moving near their family.

    Unblocking is easily excused away, the person is not emotionally charged with feelings about you. Their first thought might not have been to block you, if they got a new profile. They make block you if you pop up.

    The best thing you can do is see these for what they most likely are -- coincidences.

    Especially, as you are happily married. Does anything this other person dies have anything to do with you? Block them now and don't invite trouble intro your life.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jay98


    Itís not a new account either he went through the trouble of unblocking me on all over a period of days (yes I was anxious enough to check).
    Again. . the wording. It wasn't any trouble to unblock to take a peek.
    It took him all of a couple seconds.
    I think the anxiety may be over nothing.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I've asked, as have others: Why not block him?

    Yes, that requires humility. It means taking ownership of some uncomfortable personal truthsónamely that he is a person who triggers in you obsessive and unhealthy thoughts and feelings. But in the big picture there is more power in that than in what you're doing now, which is searching for signs that you still have some kind of sway over him.

    Most of us have a messy relationship or two in the rearview mirror, one that leaves a sliver of the ego permanently enflamed and makes us wince a bit when we think about it. Fine, normal, human. It is, in the end, a choice whether to indulge in that energy or take steps to snuff it out. You are choosing indulgence.

    You can't control how he, or anyone, uses social media. You can, however, control how you do. I would think about the choices you're making on that front, and whether or not they serve your life positively or negatively.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Unless you wish to resume contact and a relationship (friendship) with your ex, there's no reason why he needs to remain in your life electronically. If you don't wish for him to snoop into your life, delete and block HIM on all social media.

    It's creepy that he moved and now rents a house nearby your family's house. Well, at least it's not on the same street but I hear you, it is indeed too close for comfort!

    Good thing you're 200 miles away from your ex and congratulations on your happy marriage!

    He didn't leave you permanently unblocked because he's curious and wishes to snoop into your life. In other words, he's nosy! He's attempting to pry into your life. Never allow him to do so!

    Even though I've had both good and bad people in my past, I've never even had the interest nor desire to invite them back into my life as friends even if they were extended family members. Now that I'm very happily married with children, I have a new life now and my old, past life is no more. I'm too consumed and preoccupied with my newfound happiness. My previous life is merely history and nowhere near as content as nowadays. I have no particular hard feelings towards any of them. I've since simply lost interest in them. Therefore, they don't exist in my world anymore. I'm sure they're very busy with their lives, too. We all went our separate ways. I have my immediate family life and choose to be very selective regarding my friends within my geography and various local relatives. It suits me just fine, too. Everyone else is out.

    I've had some people unblock me and we're currently on peaceful terms albeit never reverting to previous innocent, naive times. We are civil toward one another yet I maintain a safe distance now that I know what they're capable of and after they've showed me their true colors. Once bitten twice shy.

  11. #20
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    Just block him if you don't want him seeing or knowing anything about you, OP.

    The solution here is simple.

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