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Thread: Woman Who Emotionally Check Out - What Brought You Back ?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He has great points.

    Yes, it is a combination of taking care of yourself and being happy in yourself and as well as keeping the connections strong with your partner, making efforts, and purposely being focused on remaining close, for a happy marriage.

    They do, in fact, work together. You can't be any good for someone if you're unhappy or not taking care of yourself. But there are times as well that unforeseen things occur and there could be a lot of stress or one partner could be struggling far worse..in those times, you weather the storm together, and in some cases, one partner takes on more to shoulder it for the partner who is struggling more. Not indefinitely, but until the storm passes.

    All of it matters, it's a fine intricacy of inner workings that all must work together.

    You sound like you really do want to heal and become more understanding with everything, OP. It's a great start. I hope your wife is doing similar.
    Are you both considering personal counselling as well as marriage counselling? I feel it would benefit you both, greatly.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MrAdversity
    The only thing I cant figure out yet is how to heal from the crack in the foundation... is it just time? Change in the person for the better? Healing yourself within?
    Staying invested, interested, communicative, and never falling into the habit of taking your partner for granted.

    This doesn't mean that you can't opt for some privacy and independence, it just means explaining what you're doing and why rather than just shutting down and pulling away when you need those things.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MrAdversity
    For this reason alone I have felt so lost ...you go about your relationship thinking nothing can possibly break you two especially if youíve grown up to love eachother so deeply and than something happens that makes you feel so little and the realization that anything can happen at anytime but I am trying to hold on to the mantra things happen for a reason ...I recently listened to an amazing podcasts about saving marriages and it was all about happiness and how itís not about someone making you happy but how you need to make yourself happy etc but he goes on to say when there is a connection and things are moving in the right direction is when happiness is usually present feeling like your part of a team with one another thatís what it comes down to and most people look for that when things are not right because itís easier to change than to blame yourself ..
    Think of how your daily lives are and what habits are through the years. Yes, focusing on yourself is important but daily life is also about sustaining a household to survive everyday. Every household I know has chores, tasks, errands and the like in order to keep it humming. People burn out if they don't have help.

    Love is action help IMHO. Then everything else falls into place and you'll have more time for each other. I burnout easily if I'm carrying the load for everyone and quietly doing everything in order to be a good sport, I'm not a happy camper. However, whenever my husband helps me immensely in all ways and picks up the slack, suddenly I'm so appreciative and have more brain space to love him all the more.

    Love is not that complicated. It's basic everyday stuff. It gets complicated when you have to work with complicated personalities, constantly dissect and psychoanalyze the love and happiness and doing things for yourself business.

    Get down to brass tacks.

  4. #14
    Member MrAdversity's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Think of how your daily lives are and what habits are through the years. Yes, focusing on yourself is important but daily life is also about sustaining a household to survive everyday. Every household I know has chores, tasks, errands and the like in order to keep it humming. People burn out if they don't have help.

    Love is action help IMHO. Then everything else falls into place and you'll have more time for each other. I burnout easily if I'm carrying the load for everyone and quietly doing everything in order to be a good sport, I'm not a happy camper. However, whenever my husband helps me immensely in all ways and picks up the slack, suddenly I'm so appreciative and have more brain space to love him all the more.

    Love is not that complicated. It's basic everyday stuff. It gets complicated when you have to work with complicated personalities, constantly dissect and psychoanalyze the love and happiness and doing things for yourself business.

    Get down to brass tacks.
    Thanks for that, yes I agree... that def. helps esp when your not expecting anything in return, just a wife is less stressed when you pickup the slack Ö

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  6. #15
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    you ignored her needs and cries for help all along until it looked like she could walk away. No one survives because of the way they met. Marriage is work. I know you won't say what the breaking point event was but it is kinda important -- emotional cheating would be different than taking out credit against the other party's wishes, etc. And if you can get to a point where the marriage is working again - keep working at it every day

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