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Thread: Was I fair?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by proseyxi
    Thank you, i wish I will in time...
    Please address your attachment issues in therapy.

    You should have balled when you found out he lied about his job. Big red flag!

  2. #12
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    I didnít read your other post, but it sounds like your gut was telling you he was the wrong guy for you and his behavior borne that out to be true. If someone treats you with less than what you deserve, then the fair thing to do for yourself is to choose not to settle. What he said or did doesnít matter. You know what you want and itís not him, so you moved on. Thatís as fair as you can possibly be.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member milly007's Avatar
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    I read your previous post, proseyyxl, and I'm sorry you had to go through this.

    My impression is that you were so enthralled with the idea of being with someone and having a relationship, you ignored this guy who was practically a walking red flag.

    This guy treated you horribly, and after you first slept together, he criticized you and put you down, yet you stayed.

    It sounds like you have so much to offer a quality guy! But I question whether you realize your own self-worth, to be honest.

    This guy clearly has a lot of work to do on himself, but I think, at the end of the day, you taught him how to treat you. He was disrespectful of you and your time and you allowed it.

    I mean no disrespect by this, please know this. I've tolerated my own fair share of non-sense in the past and at this point in my life, I have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to dating & anything that might indicate that me and a potential prospect are not compatible.

    I think that once you realize and acknowledge your worth, you'll attract better quality guys and filter out the dweebs much sooner.

    You should have walked at the first sign of disrespect.

    I'm not a big fan of the saying "you dodged a bullet', because it seems to be used all too often (and to a point where it can lose it's meaning), but in this instance, and in your situation, it definitely applies.

    Just reading your previous post made me feel exhausted. Be glad that this guy is now out of your life. He had toxicity written all over him.

    Overall, I think it would benefit you to work on yourself before diving back into the dating pool. Like I said, I think you have so much to offer, but until you truly realize this yourself, you'll continue to attract and tolerate men who will treat you similarly to this guy. No thanks!

    I don't think questioning whether or not you were fair is what you should be asking yourself here. The real question is why you were willing to tolerate being treated this way by someone who showed you nothing but disrespect.

  4. #14
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    OP, this guy treated you poorly throughout the short time you dated. What exactly is there to miss? This was bad.

    Please do not date anyone , until you can get your self esteem in check. You allowed a lot of really bad behavior, and should have walked after the first lie.

    Everyone told you in your other thread that this guy was bad news.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 02-18-2020 at 12:45 PM.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    This guy told you that sex meant nothing, that he didn't like your character and that you reminded him of his ex. It sounds like he changed his mind on how he felt about you and I am not sure that you did anything that would have made the outcome any different.

    Three weeks in, is a very short time. You did jump the gun in getting involved way too quickly and expecting too much and he decided after a few dates that you weren't what he had initially thought and changed his mind.

    Let's just say for instance that you didn't make any mistakes. He might still have changed his mind because he didn't like somethings after all.
    It happens.

    People date, they first think the person they chose to date is perfection, everything they want, so on and so forth. But down the line, they start to see more personality traits they might not like, or the chemistry isn't there, or they find more incompatibilities than compatibilities and they don't want to date after all.

    This is exactly why when first dating, try not to get so caught up in someone so quickly. Don't take things so seriously. Take your time...get to know someone before you start putting so much importance into everything and emotions into everything.
    New relationships take time to blossom.

    You also have to be smart and not get too attached too soon, in case they turn out to be not what you initially thought they were or you end up not liking them or they you.
    Live and learn.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Why do you think you are ruminating on this and questioning what you did?

    I think we all get caught up in the coulda, shoulda, woulda, thoughts when we are feeling lonely or bored.

    Any time you stand up for yourself or even just question another person, you have to take their reaction at face value. Someone shady, is definitely going to deflect and turn it on you.

    Then add in bored and lonely, you're gonna question yourself because it feels like why i am being punished, when I'm a good person!?

    Its kinda like when we are children... we will play any game, as long as someone is willing to play with us. As the baby in my family, I definitely did!

    Being single is hard. Its why so many are in crappy relationships. But a leopard does not change his spots. You are better off without this guy.

    Get comfy being on your own. Its the only way to deal with bad behavior. You can't fix anyone and you owe it to yourself to set good boundaries. Sometimes you just have to be your own best friend... and give yourself a break.

    Be grateful he hasn't called. He's not a catch.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Someone shady, is definitely going to deflect and turn it on you. .

    This definitely happened to me, OP. I was seeing a shady guy who I thought was nice several months ago. He stood me up for someone else one night, then turned it around and blamed it on me! What a jerk! Guys like this are not worth it! He did you a favor, he freed you up for someone better!


    Originally Posted by Lambert

    Its kinda like when we are children... we will play any game, as long as someone is willing to play with us. As the baby in my family, I definitely did!

    Being single is hard. Its why so many are in crappy relationships. But a leopard does not change his spots. You are better off without this guy.

    Get comfy being on your own. Its the only way to deal with bad behavior. You can't fix anyone and you owe it to yourself to set good boundaries. Sometimes you just have to be your own best friend... and give yourself a break.

    Be grateful he hasn't called. He's not a catch.
    I second this! I always like your posts, Lambert, you always give good advice!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    he cancelled plans twice, without any notice,
    This would be enough for me to walk away. Whether anybody else would regard that as 'fair' or not wouldn't even be a consideration for me.

    Nobody else is living our love lives FOR us, so nobody else gets a vote. Either a guy is right for ME, or he isn't.

    Allow lousy matches to pass early, and don't look back. You'll thank yourself later when you meet the right person.

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