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Thread: My Girlfriend says she no longer sees a future with me after bad few months

  1. #11
    Member proseyxi's Avatar
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    Let`s all take a deep breath here.

    I want you to clarify why you had this tinder account active. Reads to me you are insecure about your relationship, way before this whole thing happened. So you kept the account as a backup if need be. I might be wrong, but I also think this is what your gf also believes. How is your relationship in general? Are there things that trigger your OCD and obsession with knowning and controlling everything? You don`t seem as a guy who lives his relationship at ease, sounds there is more trouble underneath the surface, even subconciously. Do you trust her? I`m in the spectrum of OCD as well, but it only get triggered when there is reason to be triggered, otherwise I am not afraid to live without checking constantly.

    On the other hand, I wouldn`t jump to the conclusion that your gf is not over her ex. I`m over my ex but if I see in a relationship patterns of my ex, I will adress them and if not changed I will leave. Because nobody wants to live a bad situation for a second time. But I maybe she is just not sure yet that`s why she is asking for some space. It is a complicated matter. For me it seems she really loves you, but you have hurt her feelings by acting like this and she is confused. Please share more if you feel comfortable. I would suggest you take some timeas well, maybe go on a trip to clean your thoughts.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    From what you have shared, I too cannot see a future in this relationship. It would seem a series of incidents have now pushed you into a little place called Limbo while she tries to figure out what she wants.

    Unfortunately, in most cases, there is no coming back from Limbo. The more that you push, the more confused she will get and the more you will push. The only real way out of Limbo, you deciding you have had enough and ending it.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Get to a physician for an evaluation and a therapist for regular follow up support. It's not the job of others to deal with your OCD. Do not expect anyone you are dating or sleeping with to happily embrace your continued use of hookup apps like tinder, sit and listen to variations on themes of lame excuses, put up with text bombing and worst of all, recruiting your mother to harass her.

    You need to develop some mature interpersonal skills and cut the apron strings .
    Originally Posted by Quango1
    my laptop when a Tinder notification came up in the corner of the screen.
    However, a day after the incident, I went overboard and began obsessing that she was going to finish me and bombarded her with texts and calls - even my mother called her -

  4. #14

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    Originally Posted by proseyxi
    Let`s all take a deep breath here.

    I want you to clarify why you had this tinder account active. Reads to me you are insecure about your relationship, way before this whole thing happened. So you kept the account as a backup if need be. I might be wrong, but I also think this is what your gf also believes. How is your relationship in general? Are there things that trigger your OCD and obsession with knowning and controlling everything? You don`t seem as a guy who lives his relationship at ease, sounds there is more trouble underneath the surface, even subconciously. Do you trust her? I`m in the spectrum of OCD as well, but it only get triggered when there is reason to be triggered, otherwise I am not afraid to live without checking constantly.

    On the other hand, I wouldn`t jump to the conclusion that your gf is not over her ex. I`m over my ex but if I see in a relationship patterns of my ex, I will adress them and if not changed I will leave. Because nobody wants to live a bad situation for a second time. But I maybe she is just not sure yet that`s why she is asking for some space. It is a complicated matter. For me it seems she really loves you, but you have hurt her feelings by acting like this and she is confused. Please share more if you feel comfortable. I would suggest you take some timeas well, maybe go on a trip to clean your thoughts.
    It genuinely wasn't there as a back up. Both of us still had an account even after we became bf/gf purely because we had no reason to go on it anymore so why would we need to go back on it just to delete it? The only thing wrong with that is, when things were going rough, I couldn't resist checking mine (I only did this once) and my gf's messages purely because I wanted reassurance that everything was going to be alright (stupid I know).

    Our relationship in general has been fantastic, like genuinely happy. But, she says that some things do remind her of the same situation she had with her ex and no matter what I say or do I don't think I can change that. It's almost like 99% has been pure joy, but it's the 1% that reminds her of a past situation.

    I also think there are other problems. I currently see a counsellor for intense CBT each week due to having a long history of OCD and depression.

    I do genuinely believe she loves me. I didn't message her this morning because I wanted to honour her space, but she messages me when she wakes up asking if I'm ok. Then, later on in the afternoon, she said she misses me. To me, that's surely not someone that wants to break up:(

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Quango1
    It genuinely wasn't there as a back up. Both of us still had an account even after we became bf/gf purely because we had no reason to go on it anymore so why would we need to go back on it just to delete it? The only thing wrong with that is, when things were going rough, I couldn't resist checking mine (I only did this once) and my gf's messages purely because I wanted reassurance that everything was going to be alright (stupid I know).

    Our relationship in general has been fantastic, like genuinely happy. But, she says that some things do remind her of the same situation she had with her ex and no matter what I say or do I don't think I can change that. It's almost like 99% has been pure joy, but it's the 1% that reminds her of a past situation.

    I also think there are other problems. I currently see a counsellor for intense CBT each week due to having a long history of OCD and depression.

    I do genuinely believe she loves me. I didn't message her this morning because I wanted to honour her space, but she messages me when she wakes up asking if I'm ok. Then, later on in the afternoon, she said she misses me. To me, that's surely not someone that wants to break up:(
    How does checking a message someone wrote months or years ago give you reassurance more than what is actually happening at present?
    When she wrote those messages, she didn't love you, she just was about to meet you or just met you....

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    She is right.. she needs to do this on her own.
    Maybe she was not quite right & ready to get involved again & should have seeked prof help before she got involved
    with you...
    You cannnot fix her. Is up to her to work on.. on her own.
    As you can maybe see, her mental health and how her last relationship is now spilling into yours.

    Sounds like she is sitting in doubts... if you understand depression & anxiety.. it is hard for one suffering :(.

    Be respectful and leave her be, if she's backing off.

    I feel things are coming to an end in this.. damages are done and too much re: mental health - you cannot fix for her.

    She does need some help tho, by sounds of it. A lot is affecting her. All takes time.

    Always sad when a relation comes to an end.. Life is an experience.. In time things will be okay again..
    Time and acceptance.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ask your mother to take you to a physician for an evaluation and continue therapy. You can manage this but it's crippling you, therefore not being well managed. Right now it's in a self-defeating loop that you expect others to deal with. She pities you but that is not a sound basis for a relationship.
    Originally Posted by Quango1
    I also think there are other problems. I currently see a counsellor for intense CBT each week due to having a long history of OCD and depression.

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