Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 20 of 20

Thread: I'm too confused. Im unable to understand my ex

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    7
    oke mate will do that.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    7
    i will do that mate !

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    7
    buddy im not accusing her i'm trying to figure out abt her new drinking habit so i can fix it if there is a chance i can get back with her , if she was such a monster i wont be seeking suggestions here wud i ?

  4. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    7
    sure i will mate

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,515
    Gender
    Male
    Stop reaching out to her friends. Trying to fix, change and track people is very controlling.
    Originally Posted by msd23
    she feels im controlling which im not . asking her to let me know of her whereabouts when she is travelling with her friends are asking her to call up she feels is controlling. which i do sometimes cause i care and dont want her to get into trouble and concerned abt safety etc. i reached out to her friends and asked them to put some sense into her head and guide her right so she doesn't do something she regrets latter .

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,812
    Gender
    Female
    When people drunk dial, they are typically irrational and there isn't really anything to understand.

    Im unable to understand my ex
    Dumpers grieve too. Don't confuse it with her having second thoughts.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,417
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by msd23
    well she says compatibility issues . she expects me to focus on my career and stabilize my income on side on the other side she feels im not adventurous and stuff , at this moment focusing and fixing my career so i can give a stable life is my priority. and she feels im controlling which im not . asking her to let me know of her whereabouts when she is travelling with her friends are asking her to call up she feels is controlling. which i do sometimes cause i care and dont want her to get into trouble and concerned abt safety etc .. so many small such things led to breakup
    She is right in that you have different personalities and how you see life, how you want the relationship dynamics to play out and so on. Overall though, it doesn't sound to me like she is in any mind frame to be in a serious relationship. She acts and wants to be single, so no matter how reasonable your requests are, to her they are not working. A more accurate word is suffocating. You are NOT doing anything wrong and no, you don't sound controlling at all. However, when someone wants to be free, any relationship expectations feel controlling, constraining, and suffocating.

    Rather than trying to "fix" you need to let go.

    Originally Posted by msd23
    i felt the same so i reached out to her friends and asked them to put some sense into her head and guide her right so she doesn't do something she regrets latter .
    This is really really wrong on your part. You are not her dad, so please don't ever start parenting your SO....or in this case your ex. You crossed all kinds of lines here. I know you mean well, but it's her life, her choices and her mistakes to make. She is an adult after all and you don't get to step into that and tell her friends to keep her on the straight and narrow. I'd personally dump you for this alone.

    So again, you are not on the same page. Your personalities are obviously clashing. I know you care about her, but you need to start caring from far far away and most importantly heal and move on.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    6,758
    buddy im not accusing her i'm trying to figure out abt her new drinking habit so i can fix it
    You cannot fix anything about her.. as mentioned, she broke it off due to some issue's.
    And as mentioned, the dumpee can also feel hurt with a BU.

    Takes time for both sides to accept things are done and the best you can do is work on accepting by respectfully leaving her alone to deal with it on her own,
    Best is No Contact - as it's easier for her & you to work on your healing ( out of sight out of mind).

    All takes time.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,731
    Gender
    Female
    Im unable to understand my ex
    That's not your job, it's hers. If she contacts you again, I'd tell her that she's free to let me know if she ever wants to reconcile, but I'm not interested in hearing from her otherwise.

    Boom, done. She can figure herself out, and you've left your door open if she ever manages to do that. If not, you've stopped wasting your time and can devote your focus to surprising yourself with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this and build a fabulous life for yourself.

    Head high.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    4,155
    Gender
    Male
    [QUOTE=msd23;7200178] i'm trying to figure out abt her new drinking habit so i can fix it if there is a chance i can get back with her QUOTE]

    This has nothing to do with her, it has all to do with you. She said you were controlling and yet you don't see your pattern of control issues?

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •