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Thread: At what point should one chuck it all...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    why do you need the prestige? What does it actually do or get you?
    It keeps me from feeling a failure due to conditioning that I received from my grandma while growing up. Basically, I am the product of two very successful parents and I was repeatedly told as a child that I needed to become better than them. My parents are exceptional in multiple aspects to the point that I will never surpass them. This career is the closest thing to somewhat keeping up. I know what's going on in my mind in a logical level (courtesy of psychoanalysis therapy) but the emotional side of it is whole other beast.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can I ask how old you are?

    I ask because I think these thoughts are a mandatory stage in adulthood, and a wonderful one. We never really have any idea what we're supposed to do with our lives, so we come up with some goals that seem like paths to meaning—from writing novels to making millions, from white picket fences to industrial lofts with mid-century furnishings—and then go about the experiment of trying to realize them. Along the way, the goals tend to change shape, particularly as they get realized or close to realized.

    Your definition of "success" and "exceptional" sounds potentially narrow to me, or at least generated by others more than by your own spirit. That's great when we're young, and adulthood is an abstraction, but it loses traction over time, as we inhabit our actual selves as adults. Might be worth challenging that a bit, or at least seeing if you can define "success" on your own terms, rather than terms set by others. Speaking for myself, my own version of success, and how I measure it, is always in flux and has changed drastically from the time I was 20 to 40. As a result, my life and career have changed too, sometimes subtly, sometimes pretty drastically.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Keyman
    Does it make you happy? Feel fulfilled? Is it a stepping stone to a better life, or the usual life sentence of earning money to pay off the credit card you put all the stuff you think you need on (y'know, the capitalism cycle).

    Near 10 years ago, I made the decision to 'go live on a sailboat', longterm backpack was my version. That was and still is the most fulfilling thing I ever did. Forget the career that spends my life earning money for other people then retiring in front of the TV.
    My job is interesting and varied. I do feel fulfiled by certain aspects of it, which is why I made this post. If I were to let it all go, I don't think I could go back if I changed my mind. Once, you came back from your trip were you able to pick things up from where you left job wise or did you do something different altogether?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    .... start making a plan. Sometimes just knowing I'm working on changing something makes it more bearable...

    And you know what they say, God helps those that help themselves.
    I agree. Thank you!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately burn-out can happen. Dream jobs, intense jobs...just about every job can experience burn-out. Even though jobs may be the source the key is to diffuse this by mixing up what happens outside of work. Take some classes or courses at the local university, volunteer, join some groups and clubs. Mixing up the routine and rut can help decrease the feeling of burn-out.

    Plan a brief vacation, get a change of scene. It's the daily grind without much reward that can lead to this. So build up the reward aspect by adding more pleasurable and interesting things to look forward to in your down time. Tedium is stressful.
    You are right about the rut aspect making things worse. I will try to address it. Thank you!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    It keeps me from feeling a failure due to conditioning that I received from my grandma while growing up. Basically, I am the product of two very successful parents and I was repeatedly told as a child that I needed to become better than them. My parents are exceptional in multiple aspects to the point that I will never surpass them. This career is the closest thing to somewhat keeping up. I know what's going on in my mind in a logical level (courtesy of psychoanalysis therapy) but the emotional side of it is whole other beast.
    I do understand that. Growing up I always knew i needed to gain a certain level of success in order to life a certain life.

    Bluecastle makes a good point about success meaning different things to different people.

    Family... gotta love them... all the good advice and added freaking pressure one can stand readily available, at all times.

    I think many (all) of us are shaped by this pressure and the expectations. So there is some benefit... we work harder, we strive father, we push ourselves. It's good.

    but! And this is the truth, you're not really living your own life until you are doing it all for yourself and your own goals. Nothing feels as good as living your own life, on your own terms.

    loyalty and family responsibilities all great... but I think you're learning, that's not gonna be enough to be happy.

    At some point, your happiness is all on you.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Your definition of "success" and "exceptional" sounds potentially narrow to me, or at least generated by others more than by your own spirit. That's great when we're young, and adulthood is an abstraction, but it loses traction over time, as we inhabit our actual selves as adults. Might be worth challenging that a bit, or at least seeing if you can define "success" on your own terms, rather than terms set by others.
    Thank for your perspective. Let's just say that I m old enough to know what you mean. You are right and I can redefine success on my own terms if needed. The trouble is that I do it on a logical level but my emotional self seems to resist and keeps running the same obsolete message. Maybe it's a matter of needing more time for the redefinition to sink in...

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    ...and go live on a sail boat? I do not mean it literally :)
    Okay, start here. Chuck your current job and do what else, literally?

    Turning a problem into an abstraction isn't the best way to resolve it, so think in terms of concrete answers. If not 'this,' then what else might you want to pursue instead?

    There are ways to downsize a career, but none of us know you well enough to suggest what else you may want to leap toward. So I'd make this less about what I want to leave and more about what I'd rather do. OR, ways that I could make my current role more likable and manageable.

    Brainstorm with friends and family and make lists: things that I could do instead, and things that I could do to balance what I have now. See what ideas shake out that you could tailor to your own life.

    If you'd like to do this with us, tell us what it is you do now, what you do like about it and what aspects of it bother you and make it too much to handle. List some skills that might be transferrable to something else. Consider geography: is there anywhere else you'd rather live?

    Give yourself and us something to work with.

  10. #19
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    When we look for happiness in strictly external things, we create a recipe for disappointment. The immediate physical needs for survival must be met, but once they are, it is then the soul that looks to be nourished. Material pursuits can take one only so far in the quest for fulfillment. Happiness, like all emotions, is a temporary state of being, it comes and goes. But contentment is secure when it comes from doing the things that gratify our spirit.

    You have to take an honest look at yourself to know what those things are before you can take the path from which you acquire the greatest satisfaction. I took the path of an artist, not one that would make many people happy. Especially if you're fond of eating everyday and wearing clothes and having a place to sleep, lol.

    But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Yes, I struggle sometimes, but the struggle is there for all of us regardless of our chosen walk in life. It's doing the things that honorably answer our most honest questions about our personal desire, drive and motivation that bring us the most genuine reward. It's a question that requires us to tune out the social conditioning of what we're "supposed to be" in order to arrive at a true answer. A scary proposition for many, it requires some courage and some mettle, but it can be accomplished.

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