Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 23

Thread: Emotional/sexual

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,419
    Gender
    Female
    This is a relationship you need to get out of. I would contact an abuse hotline on how to do that.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,430
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Keylee
    It hasnít happened for a while now as last time I almost left him.
    When he has pushed me I feel very scared as it sounds silly but Iím unsure what he is capable of when angry as he is like a different person. Can be very intimidating.
    It's not silly at all. What he is doing is meant to scare and intimidate you and it is abuse. Just because it hasn't reached a point where he broke your ribs or punched you in the face, doesn't change the fact that you are married to a man who will abuse you at will.

    Taking photos of you naked without your consent is also abuse in this context. Another way he is expressing his power and control over you. So is the whole thing of trying to have sex with you when you are in deep sleep and he knows this. Another form of I can do things to you without your consent therefore I'm in control. This is all forms of abuse.

    So yeah, get your ducks in a row and leave. This isn't going to get better, tends to get worse. When you stand up to him, he just changes tactics and that's typical of abusers. They don't change, deep down they don't think that what they do is wrong, they feel completely entitled to causing harm to others and get off on it. So please get a pitbull lawyer and do not stick around for more of this. Since you have children, please get expert advice on how to manage this and how to get all of you out this. This is highly damaging for your children as well. Don't think for a minute that they aren't aware of the toxic dynamic even if they don't know what happens in the bedroom, the tension bleeds out and his toxic attitudes is what they are learning or are having to deal with and deflect themselves.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,543
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Make an appt with your doctor MD and ask for a referral to a therapist Privately and confidentially. Do not tell him. It's not about sex it's the gaslighting,dishonesty and not feeling safe in your own home.

    You can talk to someone, but you need a professional. It sounds like you are afraid to leave. It's possible this is an abusive relationship, but you need to talk to a professional and start deciding about the saftely and mental health of yourself and your kids. You need to take some countermeasures, For example lock the door in the shower.
    Originally Posted by Keylee
    I also caught his camera filming me in the shower the other day and I confronted him, to which he replied I only want some nice pics.

    I feel I have no one to speak to as my friends would think Iím crazy for being in this situation. I have previously left him but he made my life very difficult

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,603
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    The filming/taking photos without your consent is quite frankly not only an absolute no, but criminal in some jurisdictions.
    Having sex with an unconscious person is also criminal. Kaylee, you may give him a pass because he's your husband, but he's technically doing it without your consent. It obviously hurts you because you feel embarrassed.

    Stupid question, but have you told him to stop? It doesn't matter if he's your husband. He doesn't get to have sex with you whenever or however he wants, just because he's done it before. You have the right to say no at any time.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    22,439
    Kaylee,

    where are you?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,814
    Gender
    Female
    He's objectified you.
    In other words, if he wanted consexual sex, he'd be making love to you. But helping himself to you when you are vulnerable and asleep has nothing to do with as a person, but you as more of an object.

    That and taking vulnerable pictures of you without your consent or sometimes knowledge. You are reduced to an object that has no say, that he takes advantage of.

    Your story made me very uncomfortable and concerned for you.

    You feel embarrassed, uneasy and sometimes frightened for very good reasons. You need to listen to what your gut is telling you.

  8. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    7
    HollyJ I live in England

  9. #18
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    7
    Thank you for all the advice and support, I know that you are all right. I have some difficult decisions to make.

    I just wanted confirmation that I wasnít being over concerned about the behaviour.
    Unfortunately my husband is main childcare for our kids when I am at work and vice versa. Therefore It wonít be a clean breakaway

    Thanks again for listening

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    22,439
    How old are the kids?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,543
    Gender
    Male
    What you can do is get to a physician for an evaluation and referral to a therapist. Also do you think his voyeurism and creepy crossing of boundaries is limited to you or do you think he does this to random people or your children? It's odd you feel ok with him being alone with the kids given his lack of respect for boundaries privacy and inappropriate sexual behavior.

    What you can do when he is not home is install a lock on every door in the house, sleep in separate bedrooms, lock the door when showering and have a talk with your children about things. Have a security company check your home for cameras, especially bedrooms, bathrooms, private areas, etc. You don't feel safe in your own home because... it's not a safe place. Get your children into a child care situation or with family, friends, babysitting groups etc until you have some answers.
    Originally Posted by Keylee
    Unfortunately my husband is main childcare for our kids when I am at work and vice versa. Therefore It wonít be a clean breakaway

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •