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Thread: Expressed Feelings

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by confusedmee
    I know your right about everything...we have a lot in common with hobbies and doing things that kept me around. I guess that my experience with dating after my divorce was so difficult and finding someone who I thought was on the same page was hard to find and at first I thought we were a good fit. I now opened my eyes like am I doing. I overlooked the red flags now..i come to realize it. The sex issue came later and I tried to be patient and that seem to not work either. So your right I'm the one to blame for my misery. So now what...what would you say to him.. or say nothing..and just start being unavailable and focus on myself for now.
    I would simply tell him that this isn't working out for me anymore and that's all. If you think he'll come begging and making promises and so on, then I'd just fade out. I think you need to protect yourself and your own sanity here and if you are afraid at all that he'll pull you back into this dynamic, do whatever you have to do to remove him in a way that you don't take him back and turn this into an even more toxic on/off dynamic.

    The other factor is that common hobbies and interests are nice, but they do not make for good relationships. Look for common values instead and also pay attention that the man is good consistently so. As for companionship, you'd be better off working on developing some good friendships within those hobbies so you don't feel alone/lonely. When you have a strong support base of good friends, then you'll become naturally more discerning and less likely to tolerate a man who is not good for you.

    There are plenty of good men out there in your age range. Raise your standards, but honestly, build up a better personal life as well. Don't ever make your life about a man.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    He bought you a car?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'll go against the grain here in that I believe that both couples should be romantic with Valentine's if feelings are mutual and if it's really important to the lady which usually is for ladies. Flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals with cutsie sayings on them, special dinners at a nice restaurant and the like are demonstrations of love and care for each others feelings.

    One of the Valentine's gifts I remember from my BF or fiance (now husband) was a pretty necklace he gave me which I wore a lot.

    If your BF is incompatible regarding acknowledgment and romance in this arena, perhaps he's not for you.

    It was a faux pas to compare yourself with his ex. I'm sure you know by now that you shouldn't have impulsively said that.

    My husband and I no longer exchange Valentine's gifts as we had done long ago but that's ok because we have a mutual agreement. I don't want flowers because they just die. I don't eat chocolates. However, I have free reign to treat myself to some online shopping! I'll treat myself to a designer handbag, shoes, clothes, perfume and the like every now and then. I don't need to wait for holidays. If we eat home cooked meals at home, we'll go out to eat during other random times without rhyme nor reason. He wanted something to wash his car with (some contraption) so he bought himself that. The other day, he wanted to buy a small refrigerator for his office at work so I told him to go ahead and buy it. It works for us.

    If I were you, I'd want a boyfriend who went the extra mile to do something for me. My husband was that way and at the time, it was very nice. (I outgrew Valentine's and prefer to get what I really want at random throughout the year).

    My thoughts are: If you want your boyfriend to partake in Valentine's traditions, either ask him to celebrate Valentine's with you with gifts of expression or accept him as is without fanfare which I doubt you'll be satisfied with.

    He sounds like he engages in gaslighting. (Google that word.) Gaslighters, toxic people and narcissists are all mental illnesses for which there is no cure.

    As for you, either accept your BF as is or realize he's not for you because he won't be the type of man you want. He's not the romantic type meaning demonstrative with cards, bouquets, gifts, fine dining and the like.

    If he wouldn't care if you walked away from the relationship as you say, this is extremely alarming! He's not that invested in you, confusedmee. These signs are NOT small! They're huge!

    What you should do: Question if you could see yourself with your BF long term and if not, prepare to really make your exit because you deserve a man who will treat you as if you matter.

    Btw, Nice Girls Finish First. I'm living proof of that!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You don't have to settle for this guy.
    Originally Posted by confusedmee
    I assume its ed and other issues relating to that....

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  6. #15
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    Thank you for your kind words...i have come to reality now. Seems I always give people the benefit of the doubt, hoping that they will prove me wrong. I know being in a good relationship your not posting questions and googling forums trying to figure out the person and ignoring red flags. He also has made it clear if things don't work out between us, he will never enter a relationship again. Not sure what that truly means..being that we never fight. (maybe prefers to be by himself, i'm the opposite)
    So I decided to close this chapter of my life soon and hope someday I will meet a better person who truly appreciates me. Thanks again for your opinion.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent you ended things. He is just too burned-out and lazy.

    Agree. This sounds like voodoo nonsense.

    He'll be hunting for a new victim for his lazy nonsense again. He's an emotional vampire 🧛
    Originally Posted by confusedmee
    He also has made it clear if things don't work out between us, he will never enter a relationship again. Not sure what that truly means.

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