Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Cultivating a relationship

  1. #1

    Cultivating a relationship

    Iím new to this forum. Iíve sought it out because Iím looking for answers and understanding.
    Iíve had this situation develop over the past year where a young female has supposedly had a big crush on me. For background, I am a 23 year old male and she is a 17 year old female. Now, I only know that she is into me because two of my close gal friends from church have told me verbatim that this girl ďhas the hots for meĒ and they have suggested multiple times that she likes me and have attempted occasionally to get us together at certain events. To offer even more overwhelming evidence...On one occasion, my female friend sent this girl a Snapchat photo she took of me dressed up in formal wear, and my friend showed me the response from this girl, expressing how hot I was and her saying flirtatiously ďyou canít leave me alone with him if heís dressed up like that.Ē
    Now, I by no means am saying that anyone expects us to date right now, as she is only 17, however I feel that this girl is just simply not into me. Iíve tried to get to know her through text messaging, Instagram messaging, and hanging out with her in person...
    But every time, I always feel such a disconnect, as if she doesnít want to be around me or she doesnít show any interest in me. She wonít stand near me when weíre in public, sheís extremely shy/quiet. She usually doesnít respond to much I say, and I try to be very inclusive by asking her things and doing favors and also cracking jokes, or really trying to make her smile.
    Iím explaining all of this because tonight I was invited by her sister to go to a country dancing bar with the two of them, but I had a feeling that her older sister was just dragging her along for me. And Itís just come to a peak for me, because I try so hard not to be upset or ďget in my feelingsĒ but the more that this beautiful girl leaves my messages on read, doesnít talk to me, and acts shy and closed off...the more Iím ultimately convinced that Iím not right for her or that she really isnít attracted to me.
    I could just really use some advice(ESPECIALLY FEMALE) if people have any insight on this.
    P.S. I hope I donít sound too dramatic, I just want my behavior to be reciprocated, and maybe when the time is right, give the world to this girl.
    Also, all things considered, I really enjoyed my time at this country bar tonight! There was so much to do, and plenty of fun line dancing. I do highly recommend it, especially for couples.

  2. #2
    Member proseyxi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Greece
    Posts
    54
    Gender
    Female
    Hello there. (female here :P)

    Listen, I`ve been an extremely shy person, one could even say agoraphobic in the past but if my crush were to message me or make moves on me, I would reciprocate. For introverted/ shy people, receiving interest while being passive is a dream come true. So I doubt the reason she is ignoring you is shyness. It`s more likely your mutual friends want to set you both up because they think you`ll be a happy couple together and she feels extremely pressured this that`s why she cuts you off. Yeah she may think you are hot as a texan breeze but ultimately that leads to nowhere.

    But even if we do say she is shy... Can you actually do anything with a person sooo shy they won`t even talk to you? Would anything be able to advance? She is 17 for God`s sake not 5. So, even if she is shy, that is not your problem, it`s hers and I would suggest finding someone that will give back to you all that you will give to them. Plus she is not an adult and you shouldn`t put your life on hold for anyone to figure anything out. A relationship is two people ready to embark in this together.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,648
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by landonkoon1
    this beautiful girl leaves my messages on read, doesnít talk to me, and acts shy and closed off...the more Iím ultimately convinced that Iím not right for her or that she really isnít attracted to me.
    It's probably because she is 17 and isn't ready to date a 23-year old man. That's a pretty big age gap for a 17-year old with no life experience outside of school. She may be attracted to you, but she's not getting carried away by it.

  4. #4
    Member proseyxi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Greece
    Posts
    54
    Gender
    Female
    Oh and P.S. Why do you want to give the world to a girl you never even REALLY talked to or REALLY had a chance to be closer, as in a date or something? Put braces in your feeling, or else you will end up adoring a fantasy and that is painful afterwards. Which to be honest, I think you have idolized a pretty face. It is emotionally dangerous.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,669
    Gender
    Male
    Stop. Do not pursue teenage children. Date young women your own age.
    Originally Posted by landonkoon1
    I am a 23 year old male and she is a 17 year old female.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    12,123
    She is young buddy ...but I will say this , if you are UK our legal age is 16 .. You don't sound like a lad who is out to corrupt a young girl but bear in mind a teen is different to being in your twenties .

    Anyway I would leave this alone for other reasons as well .....it might all be bravado infront of her friends , you know just joining in , wanting to fit in and be like other girls crushing on someone and when it comes to the crunch ie you and her alone , she isn't as brave .

    She is avoiding getting into online conversation so that is your cue to walk away and take no notice of what others are telling you . I do think shyness can stop someone engaging online but the biggest feeling for this is she does not want to take it any further with you . We can't tell you why , only she knows .

    You sound like you are enjoying life and have a nice church circle you are involved with , so I would give my attention to someone else and more your age .

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,469
    Gender
    Female
    Sounds like you are surrounded by a lot of busy bodies stirring up trouble. Your own common sense is correct though - when someone ignores you, doesn't respond, it's because they aren't interested. It's really that simple.

    Speaking as a woman, at 17 I'd never consider dating someone as old as you. To my young eyes, 23 would be like dating grandpa. At that age, it's a huge maturity/life stage/life experience difference. Just because a guy or a man looks attractive and I make some goofy remark about it doesn't mean that I'd actually want anything to do with them for real. It's an age where there is more talk than any action.

    Also, you should know better than to even think about getting involved with a 17 year old. Shouldn't be touching that even with a ten foot pole. If you live in the US, that's statutory rape.

    Walk away and tell the busy bodies to knock it off already. What they are trying to do is really not cool. Don't be a toy for bored church ladies.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,929
    Woman here.

    She isn't interested in you the way you are in her. It's time to take the hint and stop pursuing.

  10. #9

    Cultivating a relationship

    Sorry for the late reply

    I agree with all the constructive criticism. Just to be clear, I was seeking insight into why she doesnít talk to me, but it wasnít because of an intent for us to start dating anytime soon. Sheíll be 18 next month, but Iíve just been talking to her and spending time with her to allow a chance for us to get to know each other. I understand how it could look bad, or it could only serve as a negative temptation considering the age difference.

    The other piece of this puzzle is more of the generalized conundrum of why exactly do women flirt or take interest in online messaging, and then certainly, before you know it, completely ghost you or lose interest entirely? It seems like very few care about the long-term effects or commitments of trying to build relationship.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,669
    Gender
    Male
    She's a teenager. She is used to acting like this with her friends. Leave her alone.
    Originally Posted by landonkoon1
    The other piece of this puzzle is more of the generalized conundrum of why exactly do women flirt or take interest in online messaging, and then certainly, before you know it, completely ghost you or lose interest entirely? It seems like very few care about the long-term effects or commitments of trying to build relationship.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •