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Thread: Nothing ever works out for me

  1. #21
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    This is probably one, if not,the most vulnerable times in your life. It's no mystery you looked up an ex, connected with him and felt a small skip in your step for moment. Who wouldn't want that, especially while going through what you're going through? Don't beat yourself up over it.

    But what you do need to take away from this is you are very vulnerable to the attention of another man. But as you've just learned, coming from a low place, you don't make the best of decisions.

    I'd write this `friend' off. He didn't do right by you 13 years ago and he did the same again. I don't think he led you on. I think he was testing you to see if you'd be up for a fun time. When you told him to slow his roll, he back peddled. He's not your friend.

    Spend this time getting your balance back, taking care of your kids and grieving the end of your marriage. You'll make better choices coming from a place of good self esteem and not when you are so vulnerable.

  2. #22
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    Yes, you should leave it behind you. It is a closed chapter that you went back and reflected on out of dissatisfaction with your current set of circumstances. That nostalgia can be a temporary distraction, but it can never amount to anything more than that. It's in the past where it will always remain and you must leave it there, focus on what needs to be done with your life in the present, and move forward.
    Last edited by jul-els; 02-18-2020 at 08:17 PM.

  3. #23
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    I'm sorry guys, but I'm back. I hadn't texted, let's just call him my friend, for a couple of days and then of course, he starts to text me back. I'm just confused. Again, I'm fine with being friends. But I don't know if I know how to be friends, lol, if that makes sense. Most of my friends don't text me every day, even when he's busy he texts me every morning to say good morning and that he's heading in to work and even when I'm busy, he texts me every night to tell me goodnight. He texts me to let me know when he's done with work, then if I answer, he calls me. I dont text or call him first anymore because I don't really understand what's going on.

    I asked him about his "girlfriend" and he told me that he doesn't see her like that. He told me that he's been hurt so much that he doesn't really have feelings for anyone anymore. That he just dates people to basically get to know them and make friends. I honestly thought that he was lying about have been talking to someone because he's literally on the phone with me or texting me almost anytime that he's not at work. It's been friendly talk for the most part. Not like it was before where it was super flirty, kissy faces, all that. He did "pump the brakes" like he said we needed to. And apparently, he did go out with his "friend" on Saturday. I'm assuming that that was why he called me early Sunday the first time to tell me he was sorry and to pump the brakes, because he went out with the other girl and then was feeling guilty.

    But anyway, I guess what I'm asking, is what does this all mean? I like talking to him. No, I don't think that I'm ready to date, but if he were to come here and ask, I wouldn't turn him down. How do I just be friends with him? And I know, most of you said I should just leave this whole thing behind, but I don't think he's trying to hurt me...but I've been cautious, trying to keep the ball in my court, so I don't know.

    Basically, I'm trying to take things one day at a time...but, is this normal in a friendship?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't fall for the car talk routine. Anyone can text from a toilet, even in a gf's house. If he is not actively asking you out on dates, don't respond to nonsense texts.
    Originally Posted by JandJMom
    he texts me every morning to say good morning and that he's heading in to work. He texts me to let me know when he's done with work, then if I answer, he calls me.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JandJMom
    I'm sorry guys, but I'm back. I hadn't texted, let's just call him my friend, for a couple of days and then of course, he starts to text me back. I'm just confused. Again, I'm fine with being friends. But I don't know if I know how to be friends, lol, if that makes sense. Most of my friends don't text me every day, even when he's busy he texts me every morning to say good morning and that he's heading in to work and even when I'm busy, he texts me every night to tell me goodnight. He texts me to let me know when he's done with work, then if I answer, he calls me. I dont text or call him first anymore because I don't really understand what's going on.

    I asked him about his "girlfriend" and he told me that he doesn't see her like that. He told me that he's been hurt so much that he doesn't really have feelings for anyone anymore. That he just dates people to basically get to know them and make friends. I honestly thought that he was lying about have been talking to someone because he's literally on the phone with me or texting me almost anytime that he's not at work. It's been friendly talk for the most part. Not like it was before where it was super flirty, kissy faces, all that. He did "pump the brakes" like he said we needed to. And apparently, he did go out with his "friend" on Saturday. I'm assuming that that was why he called me early Sunday the first time to tell me he was sorry and to pump the brakes, because he went out with the other girl and then was feeling guilty.

    But anyway, I guess what I'm asking, is what does this all mean? I like talking to him. No, I don't think that I'm ready to date, but if he were to come here and ask, I wouldn't turn him down. How do I just be friends with him? And I know, most of you said I should just leave this whole thing behind, but I don't think he's trying to hurt me...but I've been cautious, trying to keep the ball in my court, so I don't know.

    Basically, I'm trying to take things one day at a time...but, is this normal in a friendship?
    Ghaaad, this is such a huge 'yuck,' and I'm sorry that you don't have the clarity to see that.

    Please find something more productive to do with your time and energy. This guy is not worth your investment.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JandJMom
    He told me that he's been hurt so much that he doesn't really have feelings for anyone anymore.
    This guy is not your friend. You said so yourself. This isn't a way that you would interact with a friend, right?
    You said it. Repeat it yourself until it gets through.

    He's a guy with girlfriend who likes the attention of other women. You are just vulnerable enough to buy into it and he senses it. Most would have run him off by now.

    You'd date him if he asked? Why!? Especially with the knowledge that he thinks nothing of entertaining the attention of the others at the same time.

    Feel sorry for his girlfriend. Be grateful you're not his.

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