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Thread: Tinder match

  1. #1

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    Tinder match

    So I matched with a guy on tinder in October a few days before. We’ve been texting everyday but we haven’t met up yet. We finally set a date to meet up in a few weeks.Last week, he told me he met up with a girl from hinge and got dinner and drinks with her. Yesterday, he told me that he got drinks with the same girl on Valentine’s Day. I know we’re both single and we can do whatever the hell we want. I also am talking to other guys from tinder because I don’t wanna be too attached to him.Based from my past, everytime I started getting feelings for a guy I was talking to, I would always end up getting ghosted. He got out of a 4 year relationship and isn’t looking to date and said he wants to let loose a little. I recently passed my NCLEX and am now a registered nurse. I know this is a good time for me to do whatever I want because I’m single and officially done with school. After I told my mom that I passed my NCLEX, she told me “you’re 23 now. It’s time to start mingling and put yourself out there”. This is also my first time doing this dating app thing so idk what to do. I dont want sound like I’m crazy when I’m texting him because I know we’re just texting like friends. This is gonna sound super hypocritical but I have 3 dates with 3 guys this month before we actually meet up. He texted me yesterday and I left him on read to play hard to get. Should I just suck it up and still meet up with him in a few weeks or just ghost him/mute him on all social media?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    If he's able to set up dates with other women now, why is it taking "a few weeks" for you two to go on a date?

    Are you feeling somehow attached to this man who you haven't even met in person? You can't form a relationship via text.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I think you're making this all way, way harder—and way, way gamier—than it needs to be.

    Generally speaking, I think people have a much better time with the apps when they use them to meet people, and quickly, rather than text for months and months and get attached to ideas of people. Unless, of course, that appeals. But if not? It's a road to weirdness. Like, you know, a total stranger—this guy—telling you about other dates from other apps and you "playing hard to get."

    I highly doubt any of that actually appeals.

    If my doubts are correct, I say ask yourself the following: Do you want to go on a date with man who is (a) telling you about other dates with other women and (b) who is says he wants nothing beyond meaningless fun? Answer that question honestly, and you'll know how to proceed without confusion. Answer the bigger question as well—what is it that you want, from dating—and you're likely to find the experience much more fun and rewarding.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Figure out what it is you want, a sexual casual relationship or an actual boyfriend.

    When you figure out what you want, find a man who wants the same and talk to him about what you want, with no games.

    Games won't get you anywhere.

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  6. #5
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    Why have you two not already met? He evidently is able to meet other girls so I am not clear why it's taken so long to get around to meeting you. It's not a good sign when it takes this long to even get to the first date.

    He has told you he isn't looking to date though, so you would be wise to listen and not expect this to amount to much. Playing hard to get is juvenile and a waste of tine with someone who you haven't so much as met in person. Don't spend so much time talking to someone before meeting up next time. It creates false intimacy and you wind up getting attached to what is largely a fantasy.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member milly007's Avatar
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    What are you looking for, OP? A relationship? If so, this guy doesn't sound like the most promising prospect.

    Between the prolonged texting, with no date scheduled until recently, his admission that he isn't looking for anything serious, and his boasting about dates with other women, my guess is that he isn't someone you want to invest your precious time in.

    Also, agree with the others that playing games won't work in your favour; they will only drive away quality guys. So whatever you do, don't engage (i.e. - play hard to get, etc.). Games will only backfire. Plus, the only guys who tolerate game-playing are the type to dish it back. Do you really want that? Highly doubt it.

    He's definitely displaying some red flags imo, so I'd be cautious moving forward. Even if you were looking for something casual, I wouldn't bother with this guy.

    Good luck. And please keep us posted!

  8. #7

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    Hi guys I really wanna clear this up and forgot to say this but as soon as we started talking on tinder, he wanted to meet up a few days later. At the time i was studying for my NCLEX, i said that i was studying for my exam. He told me we’ll meet up when I pass. During those months, he would periodically ask me when I’m gonna take my exam so we can finally meet up. We set a date after I passed and I was the one who chose the date(a really late date) because I have really bad social anxiety meeting someone new especially from online. Sorry!

  9. #8
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    He just wants to play around, is that what you are interested in?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jnc1207
    Hi guys I really wanna clear this up and forgot to say this but as soon as we started talking on tinder, he wanted to meet up a few days later. At the time i was studying for my NCLEX, i said that i was studying for my exam. He told me we’ll meet up when I pass. During those months, he would periodically ask me when I’m gonna take my exam so we can finally meet up. We set a date after I passed and I was the one who chose the date(a really late date) because I have really bad social anxiety meeting someone new especially from online. Sorry!
    Maybe online dating isn't the best fit for you. How about someone you met in nursing school? There are male nurses!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    He got out of a 4 year relationship and isn’t looking to date and said he wants to let loose a little. So if you're meeting up, what is it that you two are doing if he's not looking to date? Doesn't this clearly spell out that he wants to be intimate without ties, and that there won't be any dinners or hikes or going to the movies because he doesn't want to date.

    Does that sound like what you're interested in? If not, tell him you don't want to meet up with him because you use the dating app in order to find a guy to date. He sounds quite stupid as well. It's assumed a person might be dating others until a couple becomes exclusive, but it should be a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. It's just not very nice to hear about the person you're interested in, dating others, even though it's ethically fine.

    Your mother is prodding you to start dating? You're apparently new to it. Since you suffer from anxiety when meeting someone from online, you might try dipping your foot in the waters a bit more slowly by joining Meetup.com, or joining in hobbies that men usually enjoy, in order to meet available men in a less stressful environment. If you lack confidence, don't date until you build it up. Otherwise, bullies and manipulators will target you as easy prey.

    P.S. With the right man, you don't have to play games. He won't need a challenge. He will like you just the way you are, and will appreciate the same effort from you that he gives to you.

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