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Thread: My ex and I are still communicating because I can't let go

  1. #1

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    My ex and I are still communicating because I can't let go

    Three weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. We were together for a year and a half. For the most part, our relationship was good and healthy. We both struggle with mental illness and it's a weird time in our lives where we are trying to work with that and also figure out what we want to do with our lives. (We're both 21, I'm F, he's M) We did our best to help and understand one another but it just wasn't working. I think trying to help ourselves while also trying to help one another was more stress than we could handle, and left us both very on edge majority of the time. A lot of huge arguments happened as a result of very minute things that wasn't going to matter after 5 minutes, but we would allow things to get out of control. The relationship became very exhausting for me, and I know he felt the same, but didn't want to admit it.

    When the breakup first happened, I told him I still wanted to be with him, now just wasn't the right time. We both need to grow and heal as individuals before continuing our relationship. Now that a bit of time has passed, I'm not sure if that's what I want. Part of me wants him, the other doesn't. I don't know if I'm holding on because I want to be with him, or if it's just because I've grown so accustomed to caring for him 24/7 and that's why I can't let go.

    Any advice is appreciated. Thank you

  2. #2
    Platinum Member gsxr104's Avatar
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    This is just my opinion but I think time away from each other will be a tell tale indicator for the both of you. I had been told that it's much easier to get a better glimpse of a situation when we take a step away from the circumstance and look at it with a clearer mind. Years ago I would not have understood what you meant about " ... wanted to be with him, now just wasn't the right time. " in this day I totally understand what you mean and I think that's a smart thing to say. As you already know any relationship is going to have its' up's and down's and there are times when one person almost seems to have to hold up the foundation for the two of you. If it gets to a point where neither one of you feel like you want to then I think that's the point where the minute things that weren't going to matter five minutes later get out of control. You don't necessarily need to let go just take the time to see if he's something that you can't live without.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If you're unsure what you want, your heart and mind are not fully invested in the relationship. You either know or you don't know and you either know he's the one or you're in doubt. When in doubt, get out.

    Instead of feeling sentimental about memories caring for him in the past and now, listen to your uncertainty because uncertainty is telling you it's time to go your separate ways.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Make a clean break. Don't string people along. Set both of yourselves free for a happier life.
    Originally Posted by hda1234
    Three weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend.
    When the breakup first happened, I told him I still wanted to be with him, now just wasn't the right time. Part of me wants him, the other doesn't.

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  6. #5
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    You have been broken up for a minute. You are not letting go because you are in communication. You need to cut all contact. Block and delete.

    You guys are not compatible, and you won't be down the road. You said two different things: The relationship was good for the most part, and that you were also on "the edge the majority of the time." This does not make sense. I am thinking that it was the latter.

    What do you mean that you were "caring for him?"

  7. #6
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    Iím sorry to hear this. Time to cut contact and not make any promises about the future with you two.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    My ex and I are still communicating because I can't let go
    Change the word "can't" to "won't" for accuracy. Then make a better choice.


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