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Thread: Why Do My Single GF Flake On Me?

  1. #1

    Why Do My Single GF Flake On Me?

    Hello.

    I am straight and over the decades, I have had an easier time / better time / feel more comfortable taking my lesbian girlfriends out; girl friends w/ boyfriends; or a married women out on dates ('date' as in a date is set for a one-on-one activity outside of the house) than my single girl friends. And I have done so with their significant other's knowing. In fact, I prefer to ask them out then single girls; heck, I prefer ask my gay friend out than single girls. But, when I take my single girlfriends out on dates -even if the date is not romantic at all- they flake.

    They don't say "no", they say nothing. It's like they are computing something. I often imagine smoke coming out their ears.... Or, they will delay some how -perhaps hoping I would forget to ask again- and then when I see them again, it's as if nothing happened... why?

    Some of these single gf, I've known for 10 months. Some of them I've known for years. Some of them are coworkers. I've hung out with their friends; they've hung out with mine.

    It's more upsetting to me that a girl can't be honest with me and say 'no' than the 'no' itself. I've done my research. Women don't want to say 'no' directly b/c they fear a violent reprisal for hurting my feelings. But I don't buy this argument in my case. These girls know me. Their friends know me. All of them have known me for many months. They know I can take rejection. Lesbians and married women say no to me, sometimes they say yes too. I move on. I might ask them again at a later date.

    But my single GFs give me the silent treatment. And I've been told never to bring it up if they ignore your offer, so everything is back to normal, we are friends and I'm left wondering alone, "what the hell just happened?" But why can't I bring it up? Can't I follow up or ask why they aren't responding if I have known them for months, even years?

    I really like to know what I am doing wrong. Eventually things get awkward. Many times my single GFs don't want to look at me. Many times they fall off the radar. I must have hurt them somehow, but I can't ever get an answer. They can say no, and we can still be friends again... what is wrong with that?


    Here's some boring details about myself which you can skip, but if it helps with your answer (see the last question for the latest example)

    Do I shower? Yes. People have remarked that I often smell like baby powder. (I use arm&hammer powder fresh deodorant)

    Do I have a job? Yes. One year I made $225k, but most years I make $150k.

    Do I have wealth? Not really... I own two townhouses that I rent out.

    Am I short? I'm 5' 11". So... no?

    Am I physically unfit? My currently goal is to look like Chris Evans in Captain America, but most of the time I'm not that far from it. So... I'm okay?

    Am I stupid? I studied theoretical math in college and biomedical engineering. I split most of my time between math and piano, occasionally I'll go to a studio to keep up my drawing skills.

    Am I boring? Maybe? I've been playing classical since I was 2. I figure sketch. I've taken an improv class. I signed up for a Lindy Hop Dance class. And I signed up for another improv, b/c its fun for me, but maybe single girls do not find me funny enough. I've played competitive billiards. I do interesting things? But maybe not enough.

    Am I not fun? Well, I'm volunteering for a dog surf competition in California. I'll be helping dogs back on their surf boards. How fun is that? I like to do goofy fun things. Maybe single girls think this is just a dumb idea.

    Do I have bad texting skills? Probably. I rarely text. Maybe single GFs need some re-assurance through texting. But, when I'm at home, I'm neither bored or lonely, but playing piano, math, and doing things. I'm assuming they are doing something interesting too?

    Maybe I'm old? Yes, this is a possibility. I am 47 now. But, my question still stands. No matter what my age, it has always been the case that single gfs who I have known for years, flake out on me. But a rebuttal to my age... there's a 21 y/o lesbian that I hang out with now. We have a fun time just yapping away at Panera for hours. I hope to fly her to my house so we can write music when she is done with college. And, she is looking forward to that. She plays the guitar and I play the piano. And she plans to go dog surfing with me in California. How swell is that?

    Maybe I'm just ugly? Last Friday I got stood up by a 30 y/o coworker. I asked her out for V-Day, just for fun b/c she complained to me how she never had a date for V-Day. She never responded to me. I knew she was going to flake out on me, the moment I asked. We have mutual friends through work, and within a year we (friends included) have gone to parties together and have hung out. I waited a week to see if she would respond, but I knew she wouldn't. I was a little upset that she just can't say 'no'. So I went out on my own. So who approaches me at the bar that I go to? A Patriot cheerleader and her physically hot friends. I did not solicit their attention. I get their numbers, but I'm not interested in them. So I don't think I'm repulsive. I think I'm okay looking.

    Here's the thing, my 30 y/o coworker is obese, but I would rather be with her than with a Patriots cheerleader and her hot girlfriends. I actually find my 30 y/o coworker physically more attractive, because having a connection can more than make up for a lack of physical beauty, in my mind. I strongly prefer someone interesting than someone hot. I find hot girls to be annoying and boring as hell.

    Well, I already know what's going to happen. It doesn't happen all the time, but I've seen this one before. My 30 y/o coworker will nod her head down and look to the side to avoid eye contact. She will then discreetly leave my social circle. And things will be so awkward that I won't have a chance to say I'm sorry for whatever I had done.

    thanks for your time.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Married women and lesbians are not your GFs they are friends. Why haven't you tried quality (paid) dating apps? Read up on "The Friendzone". Try to tone down the intensity and boasting, be a bit more approachable. Do not harass women at work, it's not a singles bar
    Originally Posted by gtdeserted
    Women don't want to say 'no' directly b/c they fear a violent reprisal for hurting my feelings. Lesbians and married women say no to me, sometimes they say yes too. But my single GFs give me the silent treatment. I am 47 now.

  3. #3
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    If this happens time and time again, I would venture that there is something about the way you approach these women that puts them off. You are the common denominator here, after all. What exactly do you say to a woman when you're asking her out?

    You describe a well-balanced life, and no significant issues at least at the surface level, so it leads me to wonder if your demeanor when interacting with single women is the underlying problem. You may be giving off signals without even realizing it, signals which they don't find appealing. It's hard to say without seeing you in action.

  4. #4
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    Have you considered that you are not asking out the nicest girls? I can't imagine flaking on someone as it so rude. Are you asking out the hot girls or girls with character?

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  6. #5
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    Sorry, I don't quite understand the question...? Are you actually trying to ask these women out on dates? Or just to be friends?


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