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Thread: Please help me to identify the problem in our relationship

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    I think it is a combination of factors:

    -the age difference.
    Large age differences get less noticeable as we get older, but I think yours could still be pretty significant. You seem to convey (maybe I read into it) that you think she is being immature. Which may be true, but is she immature for her age or for your age? At 26, I was nowhere near what I was at 36...

    -Different communication styles or lack of communication.
    Two people must find a way to understand each other and resolve issues by changing behavior. If your partner is upset, a resolution is NOT deeming she shouldnt be.

    -Living arrangement
    Why are you, as a couple, living with multiple people with common living areas? That doesn't sound like healthy boundaries for a couple.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    So I also wanted to point out that there is no reason to share/overshare what you think about the physical features of female actresses with your girlfriend. My husband and I joke about what actors and actresses are wearing -not in a sexual way - just pointing out that it can be fun to poke fun at celebrities or comment on their appearances without crossing boundaries or triggering insecure/hurt feelings. I have a silly little crush on a local radio personality -or, I did -never met him, only seen him on TV once -he's not really handsome I just find him fun/funny to listen to. If I had the opportunity to meet him, I wouldn't - because it's just fun to crush on a "celebrity" but yes if I were invited free to a radio station event and he was one of the speakers, sure I might go. Have I ever told my husband this? No of course not. I know it's harmless, and I don't want him to risk feeling weird about it in any way. And I don't want to know if he finds any female actress cute, etc.

    Yes, I google exes once in awhile, and my husband's exes too. Curiosity killed the cat, right? Do I have the desire to be with any of my exes? Nope. Am I curious as to what they are up to? Sure, sometimes -and in fact I am in touch with a number of them. My husband is in touch with a few exes too professionally. One of them is a friend of mine, I like her very much. Our kids are friendly too.

    So you see couples like Cherlyn noted, work out what boundaries work for them, what feels fair and have open and honest communication if things go close to the line. But here's the thing - those talks will be few and far between because if you understand one another and want the best for one another, you'll know most of the time how to behave. And want to behave that way.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Honestly, you are not "living together" - you are living communally with other people. A 36 year old man should not be living with a whole group of people who are not his children, elderly parent, wife, etc. Its one thing to be a single 36 year old guy with another professional guy as a roommate. But bringing a girlfriend into this --- there is a saying about two queen bees living under one roof. it doesn't work. At. all.
    I have seen arrangements where someone is a pilot and is never home share with a couple but that's different too.

    If you were serious about "living together" which you should not have done, you should have found a place with your girlfriend or moved her in to your apartment, not added her to as the third or fourth or 10th wheel at the flophouse.

    she doesn't have a problem with you being friendly with female coworkers, neighbors, etc, its that 3 or 5 or 12 is a crowd. Who wants to deal with that.

    Its wrong for your girlfriend to be passive aggressive and to pout and act like you should know what is wrong, but on the other hand, maybe sometimes you either should not ask and give her some breathing room or you should just ask ONCE and say you are there when she wants to talk about it and then move on.

    SOmetimes people don't want to say what's wrong because they are afraid to say

    Anyhow, i would honestly move out of the flophouse with your girlfriend and go somewhere else together or break up. But you are really too old for that anyhow

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Stop discounting and bullying your gf and get rid of the roommates. Why do you need to share a house with people? No counselling will not help.
    Originally Posted by Richard36
    What do you think the problem is here?


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