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Thread: Unsure how to deal with a girl who isnt ready?

  1. #1
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    Unsure how to deal with a girl who isnt ready?

    A few months ago i decided to dip my toe into dating again and signed up on some dating sites. I dated a few people once or twice, some liked me others the same as me never really felt a connection. Then met 1 particular girl, i didnt expect the date to go as well as it did but the time flew past as we talked, she asked to see me again at the end of our first date. 2nd date was the same, she said she felt a connection, asked me for a 3rd date doing dinner and kissed me at the end.

    She then went quiet, taking days to reply to messages like i was being breadcrumbed. Anyway i called her out on it, she said some personal stuff happened and her ex got in touch around the same time, was being nasty which made her realise she wasnt ready.....although she does like me but shes scared.

    Obviously i said i understood, i liked her and wanted to see her again but would rather she was ready and sure about dating and left it at that. No point putting any pressure on the situation.

    I've not spoken to her since but i literally cant stop thinking about her this was a week ago!

    Now im thinking was she just politely trying to let me down? If she did like me surely she would have got over being scared? Was she just dating to try and paper over the cracks from her last relationship? or maybe with the things that happened that week and her ex getting in touch maybe she just thinks she isnt ready, like a tempory mind and she might be ok again in a couple of weeks?

    Should i just leave this and delete her number or try to reach out again at some point?

  2. #2
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    We can't really begin to guess if the reason she gave you was honest, as we have no idea what the history is between her and ex.

    What matters is that she essentially told you she won't be going on more dates with you any time soon, in so many words. Don't bother reaching out to her. She will be in touch with you if she has a change of heart.

  3. #3
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    She's not interested as things stand. It may because her ex reappearing has confused her and reignited her feelings for him or she may not be that attracted to you and is trying to let you down gently.

    Either way this isn't a good situation for you. I'd wish her well and move on and say if she changes her mind down the line then she can reach out then if you havernt met someone else by then.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Some people are on dating apps a nanosecond after a breakup/argument. Also people are meeting a lot of people in the beginning, so it could be an excuse. Next time ask for dates and follow up regularly. All you can do is move forward and if she contacts you great if not that's ok too.
    Originally Posted by lenovo
    she asked to see me again at the end of our first date.
    2nd date was the same, she said she felt a connection,
    asked me for a 3rd date doing dinner and kissed me at the end.

    her ex got in touch around the same time, was being nasty which made her realise she wasnt ready.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Imo, it's best to leave this. Going after someone who, for whatever reason, has stated that they are not ready could lead to very one-sided relationship dynamics.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about this. It is, alas, a thing that happens when dating. Iíve been her, Iíve been you. Since Iíve been her, I tend to have a pretty generous view when Iíve been you. Sucks, in short, but is what it is.

    Odds are that when you were swiping right on women you werenít looking for one who was ďscaredĒ and ďnot readyĒ and still tangled up in an ex. Remember that, so you donít let all that spike your interest in her, but it put it perspective, let it fizzle out rather than flame up.

    Dust off, keep swiping. If she has a change of heart, she knows where to find you. But thereís no point in reaching out.

  8. #7
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    I don't have alot of info on the past relationship either.

    I doubt i'll hear from her again, when people are ready they dont just wake up and think oooo im ready, normally they meet someone and realise they want to move forward! Bad timing on this one i guess.....gutted but.........next!

  9. #8
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    Yes, she is politely letting you down because she wants to see where it goes with her ex. Don't get so invested in someone you only went on three dates with. Only think about the next date and always be open to coffee dates with new women until someone strikes your fancy and you find someone who wants the same things/is ready to date

  10. #9
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    Theres no investment, it's more like ahhh i finally clicked with someone i wanted to learn more about and see more than twice which doesnt happen alot and she's headed.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Take the hint, get her message and delete her. She already explained to you that she wasn't ready, she's scared, however she likes you. She's telling you it's nothing personal. She hasn't recovered from her ex yet, she still has contact with her ex so consider yourself history.

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