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Thread: Interested in someone

  1. #1
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    Interested in someone

    Iím a 36 year old male in a five year relationship. A few months ago I went on a work trip and I really hit it off with a 32 year old female co-worker.

    Ok, so sheís married to the same guy for three years (together a total of 11), but I get the feeling she really likes me? She even made a comment about her husband not wanting to go see this movie with her, and said she didnít know what to do and might go alone..I kind of felt like she was hinting she wanted me to go.

    She told me at one point that her husband is frustrated because he wants to have a baby, and she is uncertain right now. She then acted kind of shocked that she told me that and said she hasnít told anyone about it before.

    We donít really see each other at work much, so we added each other on Social Media while at the airport and ever since then we are constantly hearting each otherís posts and talking.

    I am by no means saying I want to end someoneís marriage, and I donít want to hurt my gf. I love her, but we do fight quite a bit. I canít help thinking about this person though...even if it is completely unrealistic or unlikely that we can become anything more than what we are. I donít know what to do.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Do you want to cheat? Do you hope to engage this woman in an extramarital affair?

    You do know what to do, you just don't want to.

    I suggest you tell your girlfriend what you've been up to with that other woman. If she doesn't like what you've been doing she can break up with you and you'll be free to pursue other women. However I don't recommend you continue to go after married women.

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    Yes, Iíve told my gf that I have a crush on her. She just kinda laughs it off. She doesnít think I will cheat and neither do I, but still I do really like this person and I canít stop thinking about her. What I have been up to? We talk on FB Aand IG. Not privately though...itís all public. Not hiding anything.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Orbital
    Yes, Iíve told my gf that I have a crush on her. She just kinda laughs it off. She doesnít think I will cheat and neither do I, but still I do really like this person and I canít stop thinking about her. What I have been up to? We talk on FB Aand IG. Not privately though...itís all public. Not hiding anything.
    This:
    "we added each other on Social Media while at the airport and ever since then we are constantly hearting each otherís posts and talking."

    Thinking about her is one thing. Hoping it turns into an affair would be something else.

    I presume you don't want a crapshow. So, think but absolutely do not act.

    Oh, and stop with the hearts unless you want her husband confronting you.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member Spawn's Avatar
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    believe it when i say this, walk away now before its too late. Things really do mess up. Don't engage that lady and try sorting your current relationship, if it doesnt work out , break up clean, be single for a while.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Orbital
    Yes, Iíve told my gf that I have a crush on her. She just kinda laughs it off. She doesnít think I will cheat and neither do I, but still I do really like this person and I canít stop thinking about her. What I have been up to? We talk on FB Aand IG. Not privately though...itís all public. Not hiding anything.
    It sounds like your relationship is in big trouble. For whatever reason, your gf and you have become complacent and are taking each other for granted. Imo, the married woman is another symptom of that, a red herring, so let's leave that matter out for the time being.

    Imo, your gf's reaction shows that communication between the two of you is dysfunctional. You fight together quite a bit yet she appears to be in denial of the state of your relationship and so are you for that matter. It sounds like your relationship has gone stale and is crumbling.

    You have been together with your gf for half a decade. Most people take the next step and either get married or break up. By now, you pretty much know how your girlfriend really is as a person and whether you can see yourself being together for the long haul. Fighting quite a bit and not seeing each other eye to eye are glaring red flags. Where do you see yourself going with your current relationship?

  8. #7
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    You are playing with some serious fire here, OP.

    It's only a matter of time before this gets objectively inappropriate and you wind up with several problems: A) a brokenhearted girlfriend who tells everyone what you have you been doing, because it will be worse by the time she really understands this is more than a crush, B) a married crush who more than likely isn't going to leave her husband in the end, C) an angry husband at your door to give you a black eye and busted kneecap.

    You're avoiding how poorly your relationship is going and escaping into the fantasy of a fling with this married woman. Do the right thing and either sort out your problems with your girlfriend, or end it. Cut it off with your crush. It isn't going to develop into anything but an affair that will probably leave you with the short end of the stick because she won't have the guts to leave her marriage.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Orbital
    Iím a 36 year old male in a five year relationship. A few months ago I went on a work trip and I really hit it off with a 32 year old female co-worker.

    Ok, so sheís married to the same guy for three years (together a total of 11), but I get the feeling she really likes me? She even made a comment about her husband not wanting to go see this movie with her, and said she didnít know what to do and might go alone..I kind of felt like she was hinting she wanted me to go.

    She told me at one point that her husband is frustrated because he wants to have a baby, and she is uncertain right now. She then acted kind of shocked that she told me that and said she hasnít told anyone about it before.

    We donít really see each other at work much, so we added each other on Social Media while at the airport and ever since then we are constantly hearting each otherís posts and talking.

    I am by no means saying I want to end someoneís marriage, and I donít want to hurt my gf. I love her, but we do fight quite a bit. I canít help thinking about this person though...even if it is completely unrealistic or unlikely that we can become anything more than what we are. I donít know what to do.
    Famous last words, right here--this whole thing--of just about anyone who had an affair, ever.

    This is how it goes, every time. You can juggle around the pronouns but it's all the same:

    Her husband doesn't make her happy.
    My girlfriend and I are having problems.
    We know we shouldn't, and we both don't want to, but.....
    .....It just happened.

    If you read through some of the infidelity threads, just the original post, you'll see the same story. It's amazing how people trip themselves into the same trap over and over again when there are so many alternatives and resources out there.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What are all the fights about with your gf?

    This is the kind of conversation she would have with her mother or a girlfriend. You are interpreting it through the lens of gf-trouble and hot new coworker. So although you think this coworker is hot, she thinks of you as a male-girlfriend. Do not harass her at work or make her uncomfortable.
    Originally Posted by Orbital
    She even made a comment about her husband not wanting to go see this movie with her. She told me at one point that her husband is frustrated because he wants to have a baby, and she is uncertain right now.

  11. #10
    Member proseyxi's Avatar
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    Don`t do it. Respect your partner, break up with her in dignity and with respect, respect another man`s wife and find a new gf. Maybe she told you about her marital issues because it`s her way of clarifying: "hey, I just need to blow some steam off before I get back with my enstranged hubbie and start a family. Do you want to be my toy?" Or as Wiseman2 said, she may think you as a good listerner and male-gf tha`s why she overshared. Or she may be an oversharer in the first place who knows. That`s all I have to say, I think it`s common sense and logic.

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