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Thread: Bf hasn't planned anything for Valentines.

  1. #1
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    Bf hasn't planned anything for Valentines.

    We've been together 3 months and have spent pretty much everyday together since we started dating. Tomorrow is Valentines and there has been no mention of it whatsoever. I suspect he's not going to make any effort at all...Hell I doubt we would even go out for dinner. Is it wrong to feel let down by this?

    I can't help but think to past experiences with more thoughtful guys. It's not about the money spent but the effort made. I just don't think he appreciates me the way I deserve to be appreciated. This is hard because I'm in love with him. I haven't loved anyone in years, but there you go. :l I can't help but feel pretty hurt.

    With his ex, they apparently went to nice restaurants twice a week and he saved up. I just don't understand why it has to be so different with me. I must have been way too easygoing at the start and it's set a precedent. :/

    For people thinking I'm all about gifts, I'm def not. I've bought him several pieces of clothing and have pretty much contributed financially 50 percent. My ex treated me like a princess and it's never been so obvious until now. I feel sad.
    Last edited by Honeycomb8; 02-13-2020 at 06:18 AM.

  2. #2
    Member proseyxi's Avatar
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    Hey there,
    Listen, I can understand what you are saying. My ex bf never made any effort either and especially on V day. But this is too little info you are giving out to actually be able to give good advice. Is he always minimal to zero effort (you can also us a scale 1-10 from minimal to full effort)? If so then yeah, I would be upset too and actually considering leaving him asap. Needs being unmet are worst than being single believe me. But if it`s just about tomorrow then I wouldn`t be too worried. Of course I would communicate to him my disatisfaction but hell, the guy may be just not into that kind of stuff.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    1. read about love languages, if that phrase is new to you.
    2. stop comparing with when he was with someone else. its unnecessary.
    3. All the information you need is within you. You allowed yourself to attach to this man, despite the fact that you feel devalued by him and somewhat invisible to him.
    4.You have no faith in his awareness, desire,and ability to meet your needs.
    5. You are not the match you think you are.

    Either he is disinterested, or you don't see and/or don't value the way he expresses affection.

    In other words: you do not have faith in nor do you appreciate your bf. Appreciate what he does do, or accept that you misjudged his appropriateness for you and end it.

    i am sorry this is painful.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, don't over-invest in something this much after 12 weeks. Or spend this much time together. Get him a card and see what happens. If he's talking about the ex this much focus on that and observe. Spend much less time together.

    This type of over-saturation leads to taking things for granted and burn-out. It sounds like you're both on the rebound reminiscing about how great your exes were. Not a good thing. Observe that very carefully.
    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    We've been together 3 months and have spent pretty much everyday together since we started dating.

    I just don't think he appreciates me the way I deserve to be appreciated.
    With his ex, they apparently went to nice restaurants twice a week and he saved up. I've bought him several pieces of clothing and have pretty much contributed financially 50 percent.

  5.  

  6. #5
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    Perhaps he simply doesn't believe in it. I don't. I think it's a load of nonsense.

    If he does feel like this and you are completely the opposite then that is incompatibility and you need to decide whether he's worth sticking with or not.

    If he generally treats you well then I'd accept his viewpoint. If he doesn't and this is another strike against him then I'd call. It a day while it's early.


    Also continually comparing him to others is not right. He's his own person. You simply need to decide whether you think he's a good partner or not and proceed from there.

  7. #6
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    I'm sorry but saying that u adore someone after two months is scary and full on.
    ^^^^ your words to another poster who came for help ....maybe you should take your own advice and stop being so nasty to others who come for help . Your relationship is only a month longer yet you are in love and feel you deserve so much .

  8. #7
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    Not everybody places much importance on Valentine's Day; I don't, and neither does my partner. His rationale is that if you're going to be romantic then it shouldn't be confined to one 'special' day. That said, we buy each other gifts/plants/flowers on random occasions because either of us has seen something that the other would like.

    However, if Valentine's Day really matters to you, and doesn't to him - that's an incompatibility.

    If he's generally neglectful of your feelings, and takes you for granted - that's also a more serious issue within the relationship itself. However, if he's thoughtful and attentive but just isn't particularly interested in Valentine's Day, that's something you need to talk about. If it's something you haven't discussed, then it doesn't make sense to feel let down when he never promised you anything in the first place.

    You need to find out what his thoughts are on this. Nothing's stopping you from suggesting something yourself!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    I'd be interested to know what effort you are putting in for him this?

    If you have a need to feel like a princess to feel special to him, then I'd suggest you work on your self esteem. Else, what does it matter?

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    You can plan for Valentine’s Day. For instance I suggested to my husband this we go up north to visit his cousins. I really like his cousins and we haven’t seen them in a few months. We had enough loyalty points for a free hotel room. Since we didn’t get to see his cousins around Christmas time we will take them all out for dinner. That is our Valentine’s this year.

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    First, you don’t yet know what he is doing. He could have a big surprise got you and you don’t even know. However, I’m concerned that you’re spending every day together and you’ve bought “several pieces of clothing” for him, yet you’ve only known each other three months. Maybe you’ve set a precedent that you are buying him gifts. You shouldn’t buy guys so many gifts so early on. You should be letting him come to you, give to you, but you dinner. not buying for him, giving to him, etc. Why are you buying him gifts anyway, was there a special occasion?

    Also you mentioned that you contribute 50% to the relationship—if you’re not going out to dinners, what are you doing? Does HE buy YOU gifts?
    Last edited by DaisyMayPorter; 02-13-2020 at 08:58 AM.

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