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Thread: He still lives with parents, and no job.

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by nutbrownhare
    This guy has been given every advantage in life, and STILL ends up as a loser...!!!

    There's no way he's going to change in the foreseeable future, and you need to stop waiting and hoping that he does. He and his mother are in an unhealthy toxic relationship with an unwritten contract ("If you make sure you fail at everything you try, I'll support you financially, emotionally, everything as long as you don't leave me!"/ "I will, as long as you protect me from ever having to grow up and stand on my own two feet!") And, by the way, I very much doubt that he was scared of failure; much more likely that he was scared of succeeding, which would then have then blown the whole thing and forced him to cut the apron strings.

    It's important you look at what people do, not just what they say.

    If your future plans include marriage (to an adult, not a spoilt little boy), a family home and children, you have chosen absolutely the wrong person to be your partner.

    He doesn't need support, he needs to grow up. He has no incentive to do this. Effectively he has two mothers, and he has no longing for the independence you have always wanted and needed. Now YOU need to be "selfish", i.e. practise self care and take responsibility for decisions which will affect your life for years to come.

    You're only 27; plenty of opportunity to find an appropriate partner and forge a future together. It just isn't this guy!
    Agreed completely nothing to add. Agree with the others who have expressed similar sentiments.

    But - what do you mean his mother never had to work? Do you mean her son had a full time nanny 24/7 from the time he was a newborn so she never had to do any child care? And for the times he was home from boarding school? Or do you just mean they had enough $ so she didn't have to get a paying job outside the home?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to run.
    Originally Posted by Roseanna
    She has already told me she wishes he was dating an orphan so she would never lose her son to another family.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Sounds like you're distracting yourself with irrelevant questions that miss the point. Your title says it all. Is this guy really what you want to settle for?

    Raise your bar.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Telling yourself that he is just immature, needs to grow up is a nice fairy tale and wishful thinking. The not so nice reality is that he is a grown man and this is how he is and who he is. What you see is what you get. There is no other version of him.

    He goes shopping with his mom and pleases her and she pays his bills. He tells you whatever bs you want to hear about building a future, getting a job and you provide all the gf benefits for him. He is living a very nice life and he is clearly adept at manipulating both of you and why not? He doesn't have to work, he gets to have fun and all he has to do is bs a little.

    OP, IF he actually wanted to get a job, he'd get a job instead of just talking about it or planning or making plans for school only to quit, etc, etc, etc. The harsh reality that you need to face is that he has exactly zero intentions of ever getting or keeping any job.

    Since I have some life experience, I can tell you right now that it doesn't surprise me at all that you have your life together. He chose you for that reason. Not because he wants to be a partner to you, but because he is a parasite and you are a nice, competent host. Someone who has a house, who has a job, who can pay bills. On that note, don't hold your breath that his parents will continue to support him. He already fell out with his dad - bad news. He may well get cut off support completely and when that happens, it will be 100% on you to support his "attempts at working but always mysteriously failing....don't you just feel terribly sorry for him and want to buy him a gift to make him feel better?" I'm being sort of facetious with that but not really because that's your future with a man like that or some version of that. Forever hoping he'll "grow up" while never understanding that he is living exactly as he wants.

    If you really want your dream family, you'll have to kick this guy to the curb and find a man who is actually there with you. You can't have a dream life with a manchild. Contrary to popular myths, they do not grow up, they just become better at using others.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Never been a fan of posts like this because there's really no sport on ****ting on the guy. You found a dude freeloading off his parents. You knowingly entered into a relationship with him. You've voluntarily remained in one with him. What do you want us to say? Yeah, dude's a bum, but it's the life he chose and has been living since you two have ever been a thing. He's not hurting anyone nor has he seemed to really misrepresent anything, so whatever.

    You on the other hand are making this decision, so I'd do some self-reflection on why you're choosing a man like this. In my experience, 9 times out of 10 it's because someone can't do better and simply goes for the lowest hanging fruit, hoping for the best in lieu of working on themselves so that they actually can do better.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    You found a dude freeloading off his parents. You knowingly entered into a relationship with him. You've voluntarily remained in one with him. What do you want us to say?
    Yep, this ^^^^. What is the outcome you're hoping for, OP? You can't magically change the mother or the guy's relationship with her. So question whether this is what you envision for your future, because unless you make a better choice, what you see is what you get.

    We never get any wasted time back to live over again.

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