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Thread: What is this guy trying to do or doing?

  1. #1
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    What is this guy trying to do or doing?

    Hi, Female 25.
    I just started working a new job and training with my supervisor(he's 26). He helped me with everything and was pretty nice about everything. A week later, he started playing with my hair, putting hands around my waist to get around me, checking me out when I walk away, interlocked pinkies once and helped me out the minute I asked.
    We also used to text pretty much everyday, and they were pretty good conversations.

    So we went out for drinks one night after work. I blasted music in his car and he started tapping his fingers on my thigh to the beat of the music. When we got there, we had 1 drink at the table and talked, and then the second one, we went to sit at the pier and talked there. He payed for my drinks. Anyways we ended up talking on the pier till the restaurant closed and we got locked out. We eventually got out and he drove me home. After that, he went on vacation for 5 days, but did hug me and tell me to take care of the hotel before going on his trip.

    When he came back, I ended up working with him. My manager wanted to speak to him and they ended up talking in the back for like a good 30 minutes. When he came back, he became distant, rude, and mean.
    Then at the company holiday party, he was dancing near me the whole time, but I was just having fun and didn't even notice until later from a video that my coworker took. Also on New Years, he came into work as I was ending my shift and my friend was parked next to my car waiting for me to go out and celebrate the New Year with her, when she saw him park his car behind me and was looking at my car and inside my car. I still have no idea why.
    So he's just been really rude, mean and distant. Anytime I ask for help, he says "you should know this by now" and makes me feel incompetent and bad at my job. He helps all my coworkers easily, willing to help everyone. But when it comes to me, he's just a huge jerk at work.
    A couple of days ago, I got fed up and asked him to meet me after work. Pretty much the moment he came to meet me, told me he had a girlfriend and that she was expecting a call from him. I asked why he was being this way, he told me it was his way of ''teaching'' me to be good at my job. We hugged and I went home.
    The next day, he came in as I was leaving and didn't even acknowledge me at all. The day after, I had to ask for his help with something, and he again was reluctant to help and barely did help.

    So the point of this is,
    What happened from us being friendly and nice to each other to him turning into a complete ? Is there anyway I can make him stop being this way? Can we go back to being friendly?
    Please help!!!

    PLEASE BE NICE, IM ALREADY CONFUSSED

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about this.

    Best I can see, he has never been "friendly" with you so much as "inappropriate" in a two extremes. Playing with your hair, putting his hands around your waist: that is not how any man should treat any woman in a professional environment—or, well, any environment unless it's consensual, romantic. Totally out of line.

    Did your manager give him a talking to about that? Perhaps. Wouldn't be surprised. And in response, instead of being a grownup, he showed displayed another form of inappropriateness: turning into a petulant child and punishing you for his behavior. Granted, I wasn't in the room with him and the manager, so I'm guessing a bit. But regardless: also out of line, big time.

    Is there a way for you to ask for a different supervisor? I'm very sorry you've had this experience at a new job.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    I think the Manager told him to stop flirting with you. Its a place of business, not a pick up joint.
    Also seeing as he has a gf it was highly inappropriate to do the things he was doing.

    He isnt going to change his attitude, so you will either have to put up with it or find another job.

    In the future, dont let random guys play with your hair, touch you, hug you, text you all day while at work. It is very unprofessional & you can see the damage it can cause.

  4. #4
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    I agree with Bluecastle; the way he was behaving towards you was inappropriate rather than friendly. Not only is it unprofessional, but it could also get both this guy AND his boss into a lot of trouble.

    My guess is that the manager told him off about his behaviour, which is a wise thing to do because if he had been complicit in it, i.e. had noticed it but not done anything about it, he could be liable if you were to bring a case of sexual harassment.

    The way this guy's handling it is petty and immature; rather than behaving appropriately, he's now being petulant and sulky. Sadly, there's nothing you can do to stop him behaving like a complete **** because, frankly, that's what he IS.

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    So basically,
    you guys are all saying he's being a piece of because the managers said something to him?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedF25
    So basically,
    you guys are all saying he's being a piece of because the managers said something to him?
    Not exactly. More like the manager said something to him because he was acting like a POS, and, because he is one, he has continued to behave like one.

    Nowhere in your description of him have you portrayed a man who has ever acted in an appropriate manner around you.

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    This guys a clown and bad news. Avoid like the plague.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member Spawn's Avatar
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    He is very disrespectful towards you, have you spoken to HR or your manager about his behaviour. That's the first step.
    Tell him strongly to behave professionally at work place, maybe you are not the first person for him so this can be reported.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He took advantage. That's not something you as a woman should feel flattered over. He basically treated you like a twit and thought that you were too dumb to know better.

    I doubt he had any real intentions. Just having fun until his boss told him to smarten up and start behaving like a decent man.

    Don't let men at your place of work treat you this way, it's a type of sexual harassment and you as a woman should know better.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    He probably has had other women complain about him and then the manager saw he was doing it to you.

    He's being a jerk probably because he's mad you never hooked up. He was faking being this great guy because he wanted to hook up.

    But here's thing with this kinda guy...

    He'd probably be this way if you did hook up with him....

    He's a loser. And get away from him as soon as you can. Better safe than sorry, b4 anything mote happens.... move on from this guy asap!

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