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Thread: My GF hired a stripper - Impartial advice please

  1. #21

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    I do agree with you. They had been separated for three years when we met but i do feel like i have been a divorce crutch or a distraction to help her through all stress. I have struggled because her x treated her like but has been a good guy and helped her allot with money since which is why it upset me when he got screwed over as i didnt feel he deserved it no matter what happened between them. She wasn't a saint either. I would never get into a relationship with someone that is going through divorce again. I have been divorced myself over 7 years ago but was very amicable with no drama.

  2. #22

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    She still wants to be with me and has spent hours trying to change my mind but all the stress and drama has messed me up and i need a break.

  3. #23

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    This makes allot of sense, totally agree with allot of this.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    What exactly is she trying to convince you of?

    She enjoys watching men strip for entertainment. She will lie to you. She will get nasty financially if things don't work out or will leave you holding the bag.

    Literally, what does she have to say about all of it?

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  6. #25
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    To be honest, I think the stripper is the least of your worries.

    You are involved with someone who has still not uncoupled - at least in an emotional sense - from their ex, and has a whole load of baggage around that. Her ex is likely still to be involved with her and their children for a long time yet.

    Your reaction to her divorce settlement also suggests you have different values. Do you and your ex-wife have children? If not, then that would explain why it was easy for you to split everything 50:50. With your current lady, it is clearly a different scenario entirely.

    Speaking from personal experience, I would not date a divorcee within five years of their actual split unless it was very clear that the ex was out of the picture for good. It takes a long time to really process the emotional impact of a divorce, especially if it's a complicated and messy one, and during that time, the ability to commit emotionally to another person is limited by that - though you may well be a welcome crutch. It's a form of bereavement, really. That's why she wants to be with you; you are a great source of support to her.

    However, this whole situation is really chewing you up - and it seems the stripper is the final straw. Walk away from this one; she may be wonderful in many respects but right now she has nothing to give you.

  7. #26
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    Look I see a few problems here...I'm sorry but I actually think regarding her divorce and getting 80% of everything or whatever, you were wrong. It's nice of you to be a fair and compassionate person and sympathise with her ex. But the problem is that this situation is actually none of your business. I think in all fairness you don't really know the real truth about it because you weren't inside their relationship. I could be wrong but usually a court makes a decision on actual proof. I don't think it would have been enough for her to just say her ex-husband treated her badly. There must have been at least some proof of it. And if she has full custody of the children then she may have gotten all that for that reason too. And maybe he did treat her really bad, you don't know...

    If you're concerned she would take everything from you if you were married/defacto, then yeah that is probably a valid concern. But the divorce with her ex husband is nothing about you and it's already been done. So I can see how it didn't go down well. You were too opinionated and outspoken about something that didn't concern you.

    Regarding the stripper. I agree, there is no right or wrong. At the end of the day though you need to date someone with the same beliefs and values as you. I'm bisexual so I like going to both female and male strippers. My ex didn't mind me doing this and he even went with me to both a number of times.

    This is only my personal opinion but I feel that looking at porn or at a stripper isn't like being with a "real" person. I know they're real but in the case of the stripper it's just their job. They are also not a prostitute so they don't have sex with their clients. Normally the interaction just involves looking. Yes of course she would have been attracted to him but just from an objective point of view. Like, she wouldn't have had real feelings for him or wanted to date him.

    The only thing is though that if I want to go to the strippers, I'm always very upfront about it and tell my partner. I never hide it.

    If you're not OK with it though, that is fine. It's not wrong, it's just how you feel. I think your girlfriend should have told you about the stripper but maybe in her mind it wasn't a huge deal. Like if I go to strippers, I don't ever think I'm going to hook up with them or anything. I'm basically just looking and I know it's just their job.

  8. #27
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    I have hired a few strippers, taken people to strip clubs, and I am completely grossssssssed out by strippers. I mean, grossed out. But I do it because it's a special occasion or something. My friends might danced with the dude, but I'm so standoffish, they stay completely clear of me.

    But you two are already broken up, so why does it even matter?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    First of all it's not uncommon to hire this type of entertainer for bachelor/bachelorette parties. Secondly how do you know the dancer isn't gay? The thirdly it's doubtful prostitution/sexual encounters was the goal here. Why would you assume this?

    It sounds like you've been to your share of strip clubs and therefore assume it's a more saintly safe situation? Unfortunately it seems too much about her and her life bothers you, which may mean you're incompatible or that you've got stuff to work on or possibly a bit of both?
    Originally Posted by jbone
    I am not controlling and would never tell someone they cant see a stripper but its personal choice and if im not happy with it and it makes me feel like then its up to me if I want to be with someone that does that sort of stuff. It also bothers me that it was in a private house as anything could have happened. Its not like being in a club where there are rules and security ect.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Did she actually search for, select, hire and pay for the stripper?

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by jbone
    In my opinion it is unfair for a court to award her with 80% of the equity and have half his pension and he only gets 20%. Yes i have been through a divorce and my x wife was very fair and we split everything 50/50. Just because a judge thinks someone should have 80% it doesn't mean its right. She has said that she pushed for more money because of the way he treated her. Its none of my business really but it would stop me wanting to get a mortgage with her.
    Yes, its fair. A spouse is entitled to half of the assets from the marriage. Whatever the pension or 401k would have been in those 18 years of marriage, she is entitled to. She is not entitled to what he saves after they divorce.

    The equity in the house could be because she and the children will be living in the house and it could be that there are other assets he kept in exchange for it. you have no idea about that.

    As far as you getting a mortgage with her, it will be a 50-50 situation. you are not married - you are two people buying a house together.
    I do not think you should buy a house together. She should keep her house that she received in the divorce unless she sells it and you should buy a house by yourself . If she lives with you that's your choice.

    But i honestly think that she is too fresh out of a divorce for a commitment and if you move her in - you have to live with the kids and deal with the ex as well. Do you really want that??

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