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Thread: My GF hired a stripper - Impartial advice please

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Its none of my business really but it would stop me wanting to get a mortgage with her.
    I don't blame you. Think long and hard about this because she has proven to you that if things go south, you might get the short end of the stick.

    Mind you, if I felt that way about my partner, I'd end things. If you don't trust them financially, then it's not going to work.

  2. #12
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jbone
    In my opinion it is unfair for a court to award her with 80% of the equity and have half his pension and he only gets 20%. Yes i have been through a divorce and my x wife was very fair and we split everything 50/50. Just because a judge thinks someone should have 80% it doesn't mean its right. She has said that she pushed for more money because of the way he treated her. Its none of my business really but it would stop me wanting to get a mortgage with her.
    Were there children involved in your divorce? If so, that makes a huge difference.

  3. #13

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    So you think its ok for someone to lie to you and not tell you it happened. I dont think thats controlling

  4. #14

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    Thats what i thought to be honest.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I don't think your feelings right now have anything to do with the stripper, but with trying to address your "trust issues" by dating someone who sets those issues on fire.

    Want to date someone still going through a divorce? Fine. But you can't insert yourself into it, judge how she's handling it, or take any of it personally. Not easy, I know, which is why many people will advise that you wait until the smoke has settled or be honest with yourself if the smoke is too much for you to breathe with grace.

    You, I think, have not been honest with yourself about all that and the result is a lot of anxiety is swirling around inside of you, with your go-to means of quelling that anxiety being "addressing" your feelings about her divorce with her. Not pretty or productive. Keep heading down that path and words like "controlling" will start to apply.

    The stripper? I think it's just stirring up anxiety that was already there to be stirred. You can feel about that whatever you feel, of course, but it's kind of like her divorce, and settlement. You can live with it, or you can't. Seems you can't live with a lot of what she brings to the table, so the respectful thing to do is own that, and accept it, rather than fight it and fight with her in the process.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Some things to consider....

    You felt like there were three of you in the relationship because there WERE three of you in the relationship. You can't call the man a jerk or controlling when his wife already has a new man in his house and his children are exposed to that and they aren't even divorced yet. He is well within rights to be asking questions and having a problem with that. So on that note, you might want to give it some thought on why you got involved and stayed involved in such a messy situation.

    Second thing to consider is that you don't know the truth about her ex husband or their marriage. You only know what she told you and what you are learning now is that her character is not stellar to put it politely. Consider that his "crazy" could well be triggered by her behavior.

    The pushing for all the money she can get sounds vindictive and let's be real here, courts and judges aren't known for fairness when it comes to divorce or any judgments. The party with better lawyers wins and that's just the harsh reality. Litigation is not a fair business, it's a competition. Anyway, the fact that it is triggering some alarms is a good thing. It should be alarming to you as vindictiveness is not a good trait in a person.

    Finally, the stripper thing. There is no right or wrong, only what's right and wrong for you. If it's a problem for you, then it is what it is. You are entitled to feel however you feel and to hold whatever values you want. If you don't want to date someone who will run with that kind of a crowd and engage in those kinds of things, it doesn't make you unreasonable at all. Plenty people out there who are more like you. I'd call that one of those fundamental compatibility issues.

    Overall, I think you got involved in a situation that comes with a lot of drama and an expiration date no matter what. You basically signed up to be a divorce crutch and a rebound. Never a good foundation for a lasting relationship and unfortunately once people do get that divorce decree they do tend to decide to stretch their wings and fly off. I think if you haven't dumped her it's only a matter of time before you'd have gotten the "I need to find myself" conversation.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Did she lie to you? Or fail to disclose?

  9. #18
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    If youíre in a relationship with someone who brings baggage from a previous relationship, donít unpack it for them. You have to be ok with the fact that it takes up a little space in the proverbial room, but other than that, you have to have nothing to do with it. If you canít do that, then you have to honestly ask yourself if itís something you can accept.

  10. #19

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    Thank you for your reply. I totally agree with everything you said. I am not controlling and would never tell someone they cant see a stripper but its personal choice and if im not happy with it and it makes me feel like then its up to me if I want to be with someone that does that sort of stuff. To be honest i wouldn't have reacted the way i did if she was honest with me. It also bothers me that it was in a private house as anything could have happened. Its not like being in a club where there are rules and security ect.

  11. #20

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    The first time i found out was a naked pic she accidentally flicked past on her phone. She told me she was having a quiet weekend away with the girls.

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