Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 31

Thread: Typical reaction to stress?

  1. #1
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,247

    Typical reaction to stress?

    I have a friend who has been through trauma in the last couple of months (after a lot of stress the past few years). It involves the father of her child passing away suddenly -he was very bad to her, had a mistress (they were not married) and she was making lots of plans to leave him (financial, etc) - and he is not really an upstanding citizen either without going into details and it is very sad he died. He treated me politely and kindly and invited me to their home more than once. They are middle aged. I've been helping her by listening and by taking actions like helping her make connections to the proper people she needs -attorneys, financial people, etc. The estate stuff is a royal mess as are his business interests. In the past she was helpful to me -not during trauma or anything -I mean like she is the friend who goes the extra mile -who will drive your child to school on a bad weather day so she can help you get a little break, she is always the one -I am like this too -"oh you need ____ -don't buy new, I will loan you mine". We do these things for each other, she has been a great friend. I appreciate that so much and have tried to return the favors as much as possible which she has recognized (like offering to go with her to her colonoscopy which was very hard for her to ask of me -turned out she had to cancel the appointment).

    Here's my specific question - she's been inordinately focused on a very weird aspect of my health lately. She and I got flu shots. So did our kids. Her kid got some sort of mild flu like illness and she got it too. She still doesn't feel right weeks later. Last week I got a cold. I get a cold about once a year or less. It's a cold. I'm ok. Just annoying. Ever since I told her I had the cold she sends me text after text - "it is NOT a cold. It is the kind of flu you get after you have a flu shot. I was throwing up for a week and I never throw up". I have politely responded every time 'I am so sorry you are sick. I have a typical cold that I get about once a year. I need to get more sleep so I get better even faster". She won't let it go. No I am not complaining to her. I did tell her (mistake) that now my child has some sort of cold or bug (also not the flu, hope not!).

    She also texted me a few weeks ago to call her urgently as she wanted me to cancel my domestic flights this month because of coronavirus (no we've had ZERO exposure to the virus nor are we traveling overseas anytime soon).

    Her texts trigger me a bit because I'm squeamish about illness especially about vomiting. Haven't thrown up since the 1970s and only twice in my life.

    My husband who is not a mental health professional and is a stable solid guy said "you know, I think she might be losing it a bit with all that's going on with her -I'd cut her slack".

    I do think she sees a therapist. Her son is getting help for losing his dad and has some other learning type issues but nothing terrible. It's awful.

    I feel badly and awful for her. I intend to keep being there for her to help her -she is a fiercely independent resilient type so I respond to her needs for help and support in the way I think suits her personality. She is almost always so appreciative. I appreciate that. It's just this weird focus. It's getting to me. Is my husband right? Not asking if I should tell her to get help -just not going to go there - I intend to keep changing the subject and I will stop sharing anything about my sniffles. Probably the best way to go about it. I guess it's more curiosity as she is well versed in how/when to get help. If you think there is a really subtle diplomatic way to tell this fiercely independent person who is going through such trauma that her behavior is unusual I'll of course listen. Or that you think maybe I have the flu lol. (feeling ok just want to buy stock in my favorite brand of tissues).

  2. #2
    Bronze Member Leah33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Location
    West Coast
    Posts
    107
    Sorry to hear about your friend.

    I think your husband is right.

    I think I made a post not to long ago about my brother going on a tangent about a difference in some random subject that we had but he was going through a really difficult time so I eventually just said "look, you're my brother, I love you and we will talk about it later". And that was that.

    Maybe just say to your friend that you know she's going through a hard time but you prefer not to talk about the flu anymore but that you'll still be there for her.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,247
    Originally Posted by Leah33
    Sorry to hear about your friend.

    I think your husband is right.

    I think I made a post not to long ago about my brother going on a tangent about a difference in some random subject that we had but he was going through a really difficult time so I eventually just said "look, you're my brother, I love you and we will talk about it later". And that was that.

    Maybe just say to your friend that you know she's going through a hard time but you prefer not to talk about the flu anymore but that you'll still be there for her.
    Yes, you are right. I think I got waylaid a bit since this subject -especially the vomiting (and the flu to an extent) triggers me during a vulnerable time (meaning if you're not feeling well and your child isn't and it's causing some chaos those texts are particularly troubling).

    THANK YOU.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,024
    Gender
    Male
    Agree. Just pull back and let her grieve. If she's a hypochondriac simply suggest she see a doctor, etc. Try to stay out of her financial, legal and health issues. Don't turn it into an anti-vaccine debate. Change the subject and suggest professionals for health issues.
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    "you know, I think she might be losing it a bit with all that's going on with her -I'd cut her slack".

  5.  

  6. #5
    Bronze Member Leah33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Location
    West Coast
    Posts
    107
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes, you are right. I think I got waylaid a bit since this subject -especially the vomiting (and the flu to an extent) triggers me during a vulnerable time (meaning if you're not feeling well and your child isn't and it's causing some chaos those texts are particularly troubling).

    THANK YOU.
    You're welcome. Hope everyone feels better soon 😊

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,247
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Agree. Just pull back and let her grieve. If she's a hypochondriac simply suggest she see a doctor, etc. Try to stay out of her financial, legal and health issues. Don't turn it into an anti-vaccine debate. Change the subject and suggest professionals for health issues.
    I can help by referring her to professionals I know. And by listening. She's my friend and of course I'm going to listen to her issues. Doesn't mean I will get involved in an inappropriate way. That's what friends do. Nothing to do with the vaccine. She believes that people who get the flu shot can get a different type of the flu -milder but still the flu. She is correct. It's just that I don't have a flu, mild or otherwise. And her texts are intense and strange. Like the coronavirus urgent call she made to me.

    THanks!!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,624
    Gender
    Female
    I've encountered about a hundred people on my job this week who are walking around in a media-fed panic over the flu. As the death numbers keep going up, more people are flipping out. I just smile and nod, but I won't feed the beast by discussing the runny nose I had over the weekend.

    Talk about anything in the world except for your health for now.

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,294
    Gender
    Female
    Her husband died. I think any health issue will flip her out . I would just be patient for a bit. I live on our repatriation base where all our ex-pats have come home from the coronavirus region. They are in quarantine literally a kilometre from my house. I have to admit I’m a little nervous even though there’s almost no possibility I will get it.

    But having health anxiety I totally understand how she’s acting.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,247
    Thank you ! They were not married and she was preparing to leave him very very soon when he died. They were still living in his house. The mistress was harassing her. It was already awful. I really appreciate your input. I cannot imagine what they go through.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,247
    Yes. Will avoid with her. We havenÂ’t seen each other in person in months and no plans to so itÂ’s not like she would have worried about contagions. My mom friends and I often discuss these things mostly with respect to our kids.

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •