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Thread: Jealous Guy BFF

  1. #1
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    Jealous Guy BFF

    I noticed that my guy bff has become a little possessive lately. This usually happens when I hangout with my other friends, most especially if he knows that I'm going out on a date. He is a little chill with the former; he just asks who I'm with and where I'm going. With the latter though, not so much. There was this one time where he scheduled a work meeting on the exact day of my date so I have to call the poor fella to resked. Even some of our friends notice his jealousy, and would suspect that maybe he likes me romantically but would choose not to prod him.
    There are times when I can feel that there may be something romantic going on. The prolonged looks, the slow dances, the deep conversations. We are tiptoeing the line between friendship and...I don't even know what to call it..the wall beyond friendship? What confuses me is that he is currently dating two girls. He talks to me about them with a mix of egocentricity and perhaps trying to elicit a reaction out of me. To be fair I am seeing someone too but he knows that it is not serious. But these girls..he started bringing one of them to our group outings and he seems to be in constant communication with them more than with me. And why couldn't he be possessive with them like he is with me?
    I told him that we have to limit hanging out alone out of respect for his ladies but really it is just me distancing myself from him. Self preservation maybe? I just don't want to get hurt. We stopped seeing each other for 2 weeks then he contacted me, said he missed me and wanted to hangout. We talked but we just only skimmed the surface. He wants the friendship back. Said that his dates would have to understand that I am a part of his life, and that we are just friends. Somehow on my part I don't think it's fair because I'm starting to feel that he is stringing the three of us along. A
    Should I continue to distance from him? or continue hanging out with him at the risk of possibly getting hurt?
    Last edited by phoenixlyza7; 02-11-2020 at 09:21 PM. Reason: additional info

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    He doesn't sound like either a good friend or a good bf. Possessiveness is not a good trait. You like him as a boyfriend, and that hasn't transpired, so you two have two different relationship goals. Your title of him being a BFF is false, obviously. Male/female intense friendships usually happen in youth when people aren't dating anyone seriously. If you started dating some guy, he would see the dynamic you have with your supposed BFF and likely ditch you.

    This friendship was meant to be temporary, so why not rip the bandaid off now since the friendship is toxic and full of anxiety?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Why did you have to reschedule a date just because he had a work meeting? Is he your boss?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    This doesn’t really sound like friendship, I’m reading it as you like him and you’re both enjoying the attention the other gives and you’d be open to there being more but you aren’t really getting that vibe from him and you’re hoping his ‘jealousy’ means he wants to be with you.

    Am I close?

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why did you have to reschedule a date just because he had a work meeting? Is he your boss?
    I didn't understand this bit, either.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Focus on getting over your divorce and therapy for being cheated on. Your boss is not a "bff", stop flirting with him. Do not discuss your dating life at work. Go to work to work and be more private about your personal life. He is not into you so trying to make him jealous won't work. Stop the imaginary romance.


    My advice remains the same about this obsession with him: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by phoenixlyza7
    I can feel that there may be something romantic going on. The prolonged looks, the slow dances, the deep conversations.
    We are tiptoeing the line between friendship and...I don't even know what to call it..the wall beyond friendship?
    What confuses me is that he is currently dating.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    This has been going on for some time now. Neither of you cross the line and there seems to all sorts of reasons not to.

    In order to preserve your friendship, stop sharing information regarding your dates and divert the discussions when he talks about his escapades. Make it your personal goal to not want to know. Because to be curious suggests you want more than his friendship. The same for him.

    But this hasn't gotten anywhere doing what you have been doing. So, do something differently.

    Practice setting some boundaries

    See if that works first.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You were married to a narcissist who cheated on you and discarded you, but then kept trying to pull you into his sick triangle with his OW.

    Now you are getting involved with another narcissist who is playing and triangulating multiple women, you included.

    What on earth is attracting you to these men and this toxic dynamic? How many times do you have to get hurt and burnt before you learn that you shouldn't stick your hand in the fire and hold it there?

    Please get away from this creep and stop treating or calling him your BFF. He is a lot of things but a friend is not one of them. You are being duped and you are way too willing to be duped. Please get your head screwed on straight and start making better friends and otherwise get into some hobbies, start hanging out with better quality people so you can detox from your past and learn what healthy friendships and healthy interactions actually look like. Right now, you are literally stuck in the kind of toxic cycle that I wouldn't wish on anyone.


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