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Thread: Im conclusively an idiot

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's best not to try to fix or change anyone. Everyone has their side of the story. Start now realizing that right/wrong wars are complete nonsense and never go anywhere but down. It just devolves into name calling and flinging nonsense at each other.

    If someone is not the one for you, have the self confidence to just leave. Name calling and fixing, changing, playing games etc is ego-driven silliness. She is not going to "see the light" because you send her one nasty, jealous text after the next.

    How old is she? This sounds like high school nonsense. You can not tell people how to use social media or who to be friends with or talk to. If someone does stuff you dislike you make a clean break. Leave her alone.
    Originally Posted by Rawksteddy
    I started writing a text. Because she wont take any responsibility for her actions and if she perceives a slight or criticism then shell get defensive and respond with something rude. Therefore there can be no compromise, no growth, and no understanding.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rawksteddy
    Thank you for your pleasant response. I had been contemplating smoothing things over with her. And I started writing a text. But I had to keep deleting it. Because she wont take any responsibility for her actions and if she perceives a slight or criticism then shell get defensive and respond with something rude. Therefore there can be no compromise, no growth, and no understanding. If I wanted to smooth things over with her Id have to take responsibility not only for my own wrong doings but for hers as well lol. Makes no sense to me. Probably best just to let things go at this point.
    You're very welcome, Rawksteddy. You can't smooth things over with people who lack emotional intelligence (EQ). It will never happen in a million years. Google the words: "Emotional Intelligence." Educate yourself in the realm of human psychology.

    Whenever people gaslight or deflect, you'll argue in maddening, endless circles. It's nothing I hadn't experienced before. These types of people are lost causes and it's like banging your head against a wall. You will get absolutely nowhere with them which is their sole purpose! You'll defend yourself ad nauseum, they'll accuse you of being psycho and defeat you. They are masters at manipulation. Then you'll end up either groveling or exiting the toxic, dysfunctional relationship. Whenever people are senseless, unreasonable and defy all logic, you're the one who has to leave otherwise you'll drive yourself insane. It's as if you're dealing with mentally sick individuals for which there is no cure.

    There are only two types of people in this world: Those who possess EQ and those who will forever lack EQ and make your life a living nightmare. Learn how to enforce healthy boundaries especially with unacceptable characters should you cross paths with them. With others, you need to permanently get rid of them in order to give yourself the right to live in peace, calm and safety.

    I've done this with various people such as acquaintances, friends, relatives and in-laws. I've never been happier nor felt more settled and at peace. It "only" took me decades to finally know better! I had to learn the hard way.

    The moral of my story is this: You can't change people. "A leopard cannot change its spots." They are who they are. All you can do is have healthy control of your own life regarding whom you allow to have the privilege of associating with you. You make the rules and you determine who qualifies and deserves to be in your life or not. Don't get frustrated anymore. Think clearly and you will feel, steadfast, unwavering and secure with your sound decisions.

  3. #13
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    These are your words: "shed instantly gone into a relationship with another guy. They dated for two weeks. Then she dumped him and came back to me apologizing."

    Are you serious, dude? Why don't you re-read what you wrote. Why on earth would you want to date her again? She sounds very disrespectful, inconsiderate and plain rude. Don't be a doormat. You would definitely be an idiot if you go back to this woman who does not belong in any relationship until she grows up and stops acting like a teenager. You don't need that drama. You need to find your self-respect and move on.

  4. #14
    Member gohawks292's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    You're very welcome, Rawksteddy. You can't smooth things over with people who lack emotional intelligence (EQ). It will never happen in a million years. Google the words: "Emotional Intelligence." Educate yourself in the realm of human psychology.

    Whenever people gaslight or deflect, you'll argue in maddening, endless circles. It's nothing I hadn't experienced before. These types of people are lost causes and it's like banging your head against a wall. You will get absolutely nowhere with them which is their sole purpose! You'll defend yourself ad nauseum, they'll accuse you of being psycho and defeat you. They are masters at manipulation. Then you'll end up either groveling or exiting the toxic, dysfunctional relationship. Whenever people are senseless, unreasonable and defy all logic, you're the one who has to leave otherwise you'll drive yourself insane. It's as if you're dealing with mentally sick individuals for which there is no cure.

    There are only two types of people in this world: Those who possess EQ and those who will forever lack EQ and make your life a living nightmare. Learn how to enforce healthy boundaries especially with unacceptable characters should you cross paths with them. With others, you need to permanently get rid of them in order to give yourself the right to live in peace, calm and safety.

    I've done this with various people such as acquaintances, friends, relatives and in-laws. I've never been happier nor felt more settled and at peace. It "only" took me decades to finally know better! I had to learn the hard way.

    The moral of my story is this: You can't change people. "A leopard cannot change its spots." They are who they are. All you can do is have healthy control of your own life regarding whom you allow to have the privilege of associating with you. You make the rules and you determine who qualifies and deserves to be in your life or not. Don't get frustrated anymore. Think clearly and you will feel, steadfast, unwavering and secure with your sound decisions.
    Omg your so right!!! Having healthy control of my life and thinking clearing and having sound decisions , are all things i really need to work on!!

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  6. #15
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    Grass is greener types are a complete waste of time. Even if you got back together she'd dump you as soon as she met anyone else she had a slight bit of attraction towards. Keep her and her friends blocked and move on.

  7. #16
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    Don't listen to liars who gas light you into believing you did anything wrong. You were trying to rekindle things, and there's no room for a 3rd wheel, which she was obviously keeping on the hook and back burner.

  8. #17
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    I said it in a previous thread you had. All these emotions good and bad, all these confusing thoughts that drive you crazy is because you want them and you asked for them.
    Last month you were at a fork in the road. One road had her in your life and all the baggage that came with it, the other road removes her from your life and all the drama that comes with it. You decided you wanted her in your life.. That means all feelings, sadness, anger, depression, confusion, drama, is because this is what you wanted.
    This has nothing to do with her not accepting blame, nothing to do with her not taking responsibility for her own actions, this is about you wanting what you can not have and wanting to control what you can not control. The cycle will continue until you get off the ride. Its that simple.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by No1
    I said it in a previous thread you had. All these emotions good and bad, all these confusing thoughts that drive you crazy is because you want them and you asked for them.
    Last month you were at a fork in the road. One road had her in your life and all the baggage that came with it, the other road removes her from your life and all the drama that comes with it. You decided you wanted her in your life.. That means all feelings, sadness, anger, depression, confusion, drama, is because this is what you wanted.
    This has nothing to do with her not accepting blame, nothing to do with her not taking responsibility for her own actions, this is about you wanting what you can not have and wanting to control what you can not control. The cycle will continue until you get off the ride. Its that simple.
    Welp. Pretty much hit the end of the line for me. I think that relationships are supposed to benefit both people involved. This one has made me feel drained and anxious. I cant change anyone else and refuse to try (not to be confused with being supportive). I think Ive learned from the situation. But now its time to move on because unless Im in a healthy relationship, its better to just be single.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    These are your words: "shed instantly gone into a relationship with another guy. They dated for two weeks. Then she dumped him and came back to me apologizing."

    Are you serious, dude? Why don't you re-read what you wrote. Why on earth would you want to date her again? She sounds very disrespectful, inconsiderate and plain rude. Don't be a doormat. You would definitely be an idiot if you go back to this woman who does not belong in any relationship until she grows up and stops acting like a teenager. You don't need that drama. You need to find your self-respect and move on.
    Because she was probably hot af. Sometimes that's hard to let go of.

  11. #20
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    Welp you kinda of said that last time. At this point its not what you say, its what you do. You don't have to convince me or anyone here that its over. You have to tell yourself that. So the question still has to be asked.. Do you still want her in your life?

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