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Thread: is just post partum depression or I really don't love my husband

  1. #11
    YOu know, I have been thinking after reading all of your comments and I do agree with you all. Why stay? I am choosing to stay because my kids love him but at the same time I am scared that he is a bad example. And yes, I do feel miserable most of the time. I know that love isn's something that you need to force. I don't have to convince myself to love my husband if I really don't. part of me feels really sorry for him, he said he'll be devastated and destroyed if I leave him. But just to clear the air, I have spoken to him about his gaming and I have told him that I think it is his addiction. His dad was a compulsive gambler and his older brother was a drug addict.

    He was addicted to gaming since he was young. I admit I made a bad decision on marrying him and I regret it really but I love my kids and sometimes I feel bad to even think of leaving their dad. He does help a little around the house but most of the time he is on his phone. I, on the other hand, would rather drown myself at work than deal with it.

    Because the last time I got really mad at him and his gaming, he was soooo mad, it was like he was a different person. Although he did not hit me or anything, he was yelling and really scary.

    We've been friends before we became intimate, he wanted to settle down, I thought I need to settle down.

    I guess you can say, I wanted to escape and have a life of my own and prove to myself that love is something you can teach yourself to feel. But deep down, I wanted to be with someone else or by myself.

    I don't enjoy his company and I don't think we are at the same wavelength.

    Regarding the PPartum Depression, I think I have it, I'm not so sure though, I haven't gone to a doctor. I'm afraid to ask. :(

    As for the divorce, it is not allowed in our country.

    I am worried that I am being a bad mother to my children for having a bad attitude towards my husband.
    I am worried that my husband is trying to please me by helping a little but also can't help his addiction.
    I am worried that I am causing all the hurt in our family and that perhaps there really isn't anything wrong with my family just me.
    I am worried that if I get separated with my husband my kids will hate me.
    I am worried that if I do get separated from him his life will be miserable.

    I don't know.

    All I know is I am unhappy with the life I chose.
    I am unhappy with my decisions and if I could just turn back the time, I will not marry him at all.

    What is wrong with me

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Since you chose to have two kids with this man in this situation right now I think you have to put aside the pity party and what is wrong with you etc and shift all focus to the best interest of your child. Self-care and indulging in ruminating over why you chose to settle for a man you didn't love and make babies with him will have to take second seat.

    I think to act in the best interests of your children you should, today, start making financial plans to leave and provide for your kids -whether that means from your own financial resources/work or by consulting an attorney to make sure you get the child support you need or a combo of both. Find a suitable place to live or talk to your husband about who will remain in the family home. Consult an attorney on this too.

    As far as his life being miserable - yes, it likely will be and so will yours. For a time. But in the best interests of your children they deserve to have a relationship with their father so you also will figure out what kind of custody arrangement/vistiation makes sense. I wouldn't do the whole "he can't live without me" because basically when you married someone you didn't love and made babies with him you weren't showing a very caring attitude towards him (unless he went into this with eyes wide open -I totally get that some couples get married for convenience and/or they both want a family or they want an open marriage and a family -as long as both people are honest with each other but it sounds like he thought he was marrying a loving wife, someone who was into him the way a wife should be).

    So I'd put aside all the "I" statements in your post and shift focus to the best interests of your kids -on a practical, financial and emotional level. When you've created a stable, secure, caring life for them then at some point you can seek therapy for yourself to figure out why you made these decisions. As far as "self care" yes - take care of yourself so you don't get sick -meaning physically -so you can work and be there for your kids and take care of them. I'd wait for the extras -those "self care" things people talk about on my moms group as self -care - the manicures/massages/glass of wine/ girls night stuff - (not self care to me but whatever) - you need to go out for a brisk walk to clear your head? Do it. Go to the gym and work up a sweat while you hire a sitter. Do it. But the pity party stuff needs to wait. Your kids need a stable life and need you as a stable solid presence in their life. Good luck.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Was this an arranged marriage? Unfortunately you have no recourse. You'll have to focus on friends, family, work, your kids, sports, groups, clubs, classes and courses to cope. Get to a doctor anyway.

    Why bother thinking about leaving or daydreaming about past loves if you are forced to marry and forced to stay married? That's not solving any more problems than him gaming constantly.

    What are the consequences in your country for leaving a husband? Will they kill you or shun you or will the husband get the children? Can you talk to someone of your culture/country about how to manage in a forced marriage?
    Originally Posted by jstanthrmom
    As for the divorce, it is not allowed in our country.

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