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Thread: Having Imaginary Conversations with Your Ex

  1. #1
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    Having Imaginary Conversations with Your Ex

    Anyone else has imaginary conversations with their ex?

    Like when I watch a movie or a song I end up having a conversation about them with her in my head like we used to do. I express my opinion about them to her and then imagine her responding to me.

    I feel like this is keeping me from feeling the loss of the relationship because I feel like she's always with me.

    Any tips to deal with this would be much appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    It's fairly common to grasp onto fantasy to avoid facing reality.

    It's like when someone fantasizes about winning the lottery and everything they will do with the money... escapism at it's finest.

    The only way to deal with it is to face reality and to feel the feelings of loss.

    This means letting go of the idea that she is still with you and accepting that she is not... and that the relationship is over.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Pretty standard phase of mourning and letting go, all in all.

    Important part: keep having conversations in your head about how incompatible you two were, conversations that allow you to see what attracted you to someone wrong for you, and, critically, conversations that help you understand why you'd want to hold onto something that doesn't serve rather than let go.

    Hint: it's almost always the ego posing as the heart. The ego is the part of our brain that writes stories to make reality less painful, much the way the body produces adrenaline to ward off physical pain. This is a helpful response, at times, really unhelpful at others.

    If I'm broke, for instance, imagining myself a millionaire might light a fire under my behind that leads me to work like a banshee, which leads me to make money, which leads me to find peace in realizing the lofty fantasy my brain was creating. But if I'm heartsick about someone who has made it clear she is done with me? Imagining my ex is "still with me" because I think of her when I hear a certain song or eat a pan-fried dumpling I know she'd like is to choose, as maew said, fantasy over reality.

    In another thread you blamed much of your breakup on your ex's departure from reality, relying on the wisdom of gurus you deemed shady, on what she sees through her invisible third eye over the two eyes she was born with. Might be a good time apply that same skepticism to your own emotional struggles and healing, to demystify them rather than infuse them with mystery they don't warrant.

    Breakups suck. Loss sucks. Uncertainty sucks. I am sorry you're experiencing this right now. But it is a part of life, and who we are is largely the sum of how we choose to respond to hardship.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Everyone thinks aloud or has the occasional conversation in their minds. Think of it as another step in the uncoupling process. Something to work through. The best part is you can steer the conversation any way you wish. Most importantly it's wise to understand and digest the breakup. In your case she had a drastic shift ideology then ended things. The bottom line though is breakups suck whether it's due to something more inexplicable or run of the mill incompatibility.

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