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Thread: Do you believe in rebuilding relationship

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    I'd credit her with the ability to contact you if she ever changes her mind. You can let her know that your door is open to that, but I wouldn't press her for an answer prematurely.

    Head high, and read my sig.

  2. #12
    And that's the thing that i want to ask her. If she doesn't see the reason to put effort anymore, than I at least will know that that's it and my chance is lost.

  3. #13
    I understand well that the last thing I should do is put pressure. I'm no dummy
    Thanks for answer and advice though

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    That's great you could speak candidly with each other. At least she told you frankly she's not feeling it and wants to break up. She's nice to you because there does not seem to be hard feelings and she checked out a long time ago.

    Is it possible there's someone back home? While you were coasting along she may have started to think about better times and started talking to people who at least seemed interested in her.You seem a bit passive/distant from her and the situation. No one chronically wants too hear that you are too busy for them.

    This relationship has one of the greatest lessons of all in relationship dynamics. A little too little a little too late means you can't backpedal and they have gotten tired of dealing with coasters and loafers. Get in with both feet or keep walking next time.
    Originally Posted by BestTAacc
    she told me that her feelings become dimmer because we are not seeing eachother so often like it used to be because of exam periods in college.

    during that month when she was out of town I've come up with a lot of ideas for how we can spend time together and bond more. I haven't had the opportunity to.....


  6. #15
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    she's not feeling it and wants to break up
    I've talked with her after she told me that she wants a break once because I was In shock when she told me about a break and could not say anything, so she just said her part and left in a hurry, after that I felt need to apologize to her about the times when I might have hurt her, to at least get a better closure . And since I know that most Breaks turn into break ups, when we were talking i mentioned "that time when we broke up", and she noticed it and said "Not break up, Break". Also her bff said that after we've talked then, she(my gf) told her(her bff) that she is more sure that it's a Break. I don't want to overthink this, but I feel like these minor things actually matter something.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I see this as a red flag in the relationship. Generally, whenever a relationship is smooth and wonderful on all counts, there isn't a "break" in the relationship whatsoever. Then should you rekindle the relationship, there will always be lingering doubts from the past "break" which will never go away which makes the underlying wound fester. Neither of you can truly and simply sweep everything under the rug when and if you resume the relationship because something was already lost during the "break."

    Anytime you have to work so hard on a relationship, it's NOT working IMHO. Relationships shouldn't have to require so much stressful hard work in order to sustain it. Relationships should feel easy, very comfortable and stress-free.

    If you wish to resume this relationship, you have to learn to forgive and proceed forward positively. It will always remain impossible to forget. However, keep an open mind and hope for the optimistic best. If you want to give it another go, both parties need to be very mature and want to make it work. This means don't constantly dredge up the past ad nauseum. Start fresh, start anew and always make sure both parties are kind and considerate always. You have to learn to practice to always remain selfless. This means a lot of consideration, respect, polite, well mannered communication in all forms. Remain consistent without complications nor surprises. Keep in mind, these respectful mannerisms need to be MUTUAL.

    Since she is the one who initiated the "break," I wouldn't ask her to try and start this relationship from a clear page. I'd wait for her to ask YOU to resume the relationship because this will signal that she is ready to pick up right where you two left off. If too much time lapses or she doesn't wish to resume the relationship, there is your answer. Or, if you run out of patience waiting around for her, then it's time for you to really move on without her in your life.

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