My thoughts today.

I’d do absolutely anything to chance my past. I sometimes dream about the universe deeming me worthy of another chance one day. And I’d drop to my knees and be thankful for the struggle that changed me.

She should hate me, but she doesn’t. She should only converse with me about my child, but she doesn’t. Why does she still enjoy talking to me? The coach I had a call with says “she doesn’t want to fully let go”

Why! 8 years is hard to forget. But the pain I put her through I’m so ashamed of. My little family broken and that hands of me. Numerous times. It’s so ed up.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562943

A link to my journal, if anyone would like to read. Or not, whatever.

Just airing my feelings here today. I’m up, I’m down. But I’m never out. But god when I’m down I’m lower than low. Anxiety beyond belief and I feel so insecure, mainly about my looks. A breakup will do that to you I suppose. As if she left me for that, what a fool I am. “I would have been with you forever, i worshipped you” she said.

I had my shot, and I scarred the f**k out of her. And now she’s gone, but not?

Now I’m scarred for life. A prison sentence I call it, because now I love her like I did in the beginning, maybe even more. Not good enough I’m afraid, fool. Cause now she loves someone else, and no one could top what I did.

I will support you forever. And it goes without saying I’ll support our child, I’m the best dad and she knows that. But I can’t deny the hope that on you’re times of darkness, you’ll turn to me and something will click. If not, it’s okay. I understand. I did this and when all’s said and done, no matter what happens I’ll be grateful forever that you even treat me like a human being.

Keep being beautiful.