Iíd do absolutely anything to chance my past. I sometimes dream about the universe deeming me worthy of another chance one day. And Iíd drop to my knees and be thankful for the struggle that changed me.
She should hate me, but she doesnít. She should only converse with me about my child, but she doesnít. Why does she still enjoy talking to me? The coach I had a call with says ďshe doesnít want to fully let goĒ
Why! 8 years is hard to forget. But the pain I put her through Iím so ashamed of. My little family broken and that hands of me. Numerous times. Itís so ed up.
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A link to my journal, if anyone would like to read. Or not, whatever.
Just airing my feelings here today. Iím up, Iím down. But Iím never out. But god when Iím down Iím lower than low. Anxiety beyond belief and I feel so insecure, mainly about my looks. A breakup will do that to you I suppose. As if she left me for that, what a fool I am. ďI would have been with you forever, i worshipped youĒ she said.
I had my shot, and I scarred the f**k out of her. And now sheís gone, but not?
Now Iím scarred for life. A prison sentence I call it, because now I love her like I did in the beginning, maybe even more. Not good enough Iím afraid, fool. Cause now she loves someone else, and no one could top what I did.
I will support you forever. And it goes without saying Iíll support our child, Iím the best dad and she knows that. But I canít deny the hope that on youíre times of darkness, youíll turn to me and something will click. If not, itís okay. I understand. I did this and when allís said and done, no matter what happens Iíll be grateful forever that you even treat me like a human being.

Keep being beautiful.