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Thread: My Strange Break Up and Dealing with the Loss

  1. #1
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    My Strange Break Up and Dealing with the Loss

    Hi enotalone family, this is going to be a long one so strap in tight.

    Me and my ex met 6 years ago. We were in our early 20s back then and we had a 4 year relationship before she decided to end it. I tried convincing her to stay with me for over a month and one day she texted me letting me know that she was moving on.

    Although we were compatible with each other in terms of ambition and interests, we used to have constant arguments because of our dysfunctional communication style. Also she had self esteem issues that caused her to always complain that she wasn't good looking enough for me. She also had no income source as she struggled to find one so felt like she was holding me back. These are some of the things she said to me in the last text.

    I accepted and I moved on. Fast forward to 7 months, I receive a text from her right before new year's eve, almost as long as a letter, telling me that she misses me and that she wishes that she could have been everything I wanted her to be, and that she wishes that she could have made a lot of money so that it wouldn't come between us and we could finally be together again.

    By this point I had worked on myself immensely, I had started a business and was making 10 times a month of what I was making at my job, my quality of life had significantly improved, I also had learned to communicate better, I was overall a much much better person because I was no longer dealing with a stressful 9-5.

    After hesitating for hours I decide to respond to her. We get talking about our lives and decide to meet.

    We have a lovely, emotional date. We are back together.

    However she had changed within these months too. We were both skeptics / atheists in our previous relationship and this time around she seemed "spiritual". She tells me that she looks up to two "gurus" and I do some research and they seem extremely like cults, one of them based in India. The leader of one is literally on the run as I write this because the authorities are chasing him for rape allegations. She followed him online and the other less worse, was a cult like church she attended weekly.

    At the time she wasn't heavily into them, and because I believed that I should respect her beliefs, I decided not to question it.

    It is also worth noting that it seemed like her sister pulled her into it, because she was always into new age stuff, and Tarot readings specially.

    Months go by and it gets worse. She tells me that her sister can communicate with spirits, angels and gods. A few months later she tells me that she now has developed these abilities herself and both of them now can hear voices and communicate with the dead etc. They feed off of each other.

    I get worried but I keep my silence because I don't want to hurt her feelings.

    By this point it had been 19 months, we had a lot of fun, and had only 2 minor arguments. It was overall a very happy and healthy relationship. It is also worth noting that she still had no source of income and I had to pay everytime we went on dates, which I didn't mind doing because I could afford to.

    So one day she starts acting strange and when I pester her about it she tells me that I need to move on. I'm completely shocked as you can imagine because it was a fun ride.

    She tells me that,

    She has opened her third eye and she can see the future because of it, and she can't see me in it.

    That she can't share her spiritual experiences with me because I don't believe them, and that I'm not the right person for her because of this.

    She came back hoping to support me but she still had no source of income and had become a burden to me. and that I can find someone better.

    And that she feels like we are not going anywhere with this relationship and whenever we date we stay stagnant doing routined things, holding each other back from progressing.

    I try so hard convincing her to say, and I eventually give up.




    4 months later one of my pets I had loved so much passes away, and in that moment of weakness I send her a message telling her that I want to talk to her, which she didn't respond to at all. In fact she hadn't even bothered to look at the message on Messenger, so that means she just swiped the notification away.

    It's been 3 months since the text and I'm now starting to realize she's not coming back.

    This whole thing angers me so much,

    1. I feel like these cults played a huge role in destroying our second relationship, and her sister was pretty much an enabler and I didn't do anything about it.

    2. Our second relationship was a fun ride, again except for the fact that she had developed different beliefs that were ridiculous.

    3. Even after the second relationship she still felt like she was a downgrade for me.

    Because of all of these reasons I'm having confused emotions. I'm not sad to the point I can't function, but I do miss her, the relationship and I do feel angry at these groups and even herself for falling for them.

    I'm ready to move on. I just needed to vent. Your thoughts on the situation would be much much appreciated as it will help me with the healing process. Also ask me questions if you have any. Love you all. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Nothing really changed except she is looking to outside sources to relieve her stress and anxiety and to find answers. This did nothing to bring you two closer together.

    I don't understand why she is still unemployed. No restaurants or retail establishments are hiring? She can't find a temporary gig at a fast food place?

    She doesn't want to be together, which is really all the answer you need. Delete her number from your phone and then disable any means for you two to contact one another. Delete any social media connections.

    Then when you're ready, look into meeting women who are self-sufficient and who have more in common with you.

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Nothing really changed except she is looking to outside sources to relieve her stress and anxiety and to find answers. This did nothing to bring you two closer together.

    I don't understand why she is still unemployed. No restaurants or retail establishments are hiring? She can't find a temporary gig at a fast food place?

    She doesn't want to be together, which is really all the answer you need. Delete her number from your phone and then disable any means for you two to contact one another. Delete any social media connections.

    Then when you're ready, look into meeting women who are self-sufficient and who have more in common with you.
    Thanks.

    Well she never wanted to have a job, she always wanted start her own venture or do some freelancing work. Which she did try doing, but she gave up after a couple of attempts and couldn't find any clients. She's had trouble staying committed to a goal in the past.

    Speaking of social media she barely uses them unless she has to interact with some of these new age pages. I mean her profile picture hasn't been changed since 2014.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    Thanks.

    Well she never wanted to have a job, she always wanted start her own venture or do some freelancing work. Which she did try doing, but she gave up after a couple of attempts and couldn't find any clients. She's had trouble staying committed to a goal in the past.

    Speaking of social media she barely uses them unless she has to interact with some of these new age pages. I mean her profile picture hasn't been changed since 2014.
    So how does she presume to support herself?

    How nice that she "doesn't want" a job, but most people support themselves with gainful employment.

    That alone would turn me off. I work, so I expect an SO to work too.

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    So how does she presume to support herself?

    How nice that she "doesn't want" a job, but most people support themselves with gainful employment.

    That alone would turn me off. I work, so I expect an SO to work too.
    Both of us wanted to start our own things. I managed to. But she didn't. And yes when this failed she never considered getting a job an option.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Dude nothing has changed. All she has done has found a vice to avoid her problems. That's why she's still unemployed, etc. Don't let the "emotional/spiritual" deal steer you away from the reality that nothing has really changed. You had real motivation to self improve and done well...all she has done is read some bs books, and got sucked into a higgery jigery belief to band-aid her issues. It wouldn't surprise me that she starts wearing a bed sheet and go out into the street with a tambourine to beg for money for this guru.

    You my friend have it all together which means you will find yourself a nice lady that has her life together...and you will live happily successfully ever after.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    Both of us wanted to start our own things. I managed to. But she didn't. And yes when this failed she never considered getting a job an option.
    So how does she get money to pay for her phone, food, shelter and other basic necessities?

    One thing I do agree with her...she is in no place to be in a relationship.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    So how does she get money to pay for her phone, food, shelter and other basic necessities?

    One thing I do agree with her...she is in no place to be in a relationship.
    From her parents who are extremely abusive.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    From her parents who are extremely abusive.
    But not so bad she's willing to get a job so she doesn't have to rely on them.

    You are well rid of this situation. She's currently in no shape to be in a relationship.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Dude nothing has changed. All she has done has found a vice to avoid her problems. That's why she's still unemployed, etc. Don't let the "emotional/spiritual" deal steer you away from the reality that nothing has really changed. You had real motivation to self improve and done well...all she has done is read some bs books, and got sucked into a higgery jigery belief to band-aid her issues. It wouldn't surprise me that she starts wearing a bed sheet and go out into the street with a tambourine to beg for money for this guru.

    You my friend have it all together which means you will find yourself a nice lady that has her life together...and you will live happily successfully ever after.
    Thanks.

    Yes she almost got into debt once trying to do something for him. I always knew the situation was beyond help because her sister was enabling her too.

    Thank you so much. But it hurts so much you know when I think about the good times. :(

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