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Thread: My Strange Break Up and Dealing with the Loss

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Have you wondered if she might be showing symptoms of an underlying mental illness?

    While some of what she says might indeed be attributable to the cult-like influences around her, I would be concerned that some of it could also be pointing toward a more serious problem related to her mental health. Keep in mind that such vulnerable souls are often the targets of so-called cults, because they are frequently more susceptible to manipulation or distinguishing between reality and illusion. They tend to be more easily led. I therefore wouldn't be so quick to assume this all down to third-party interference, but could also be coinciding with more significant issues within her.

    In any event, she sounds very emotionally immature and not at all prepared for the sort of relationship you want. It took two attempts for you to really see it, but this relationship isn't going to work and is better left behind you.
    When she started speaking of having special abilities and hearing voices yes I started questioning her mental health.

    Her sister did it first so I felt like she kind of convinced herself she could do it too.

    They would even claim to have spiritual experiences together. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. 02-09-2020, 09:16 PM

  3. #22
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    She sounds unstable. You should not have ignored al the 'spiritual stuff' of it does not align with your thinking.

    Why is she incapable of getting a job? I'm sorry, but she sounds like mooch and a loser. You need to aim much higher in partners!

  4. #23
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    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    When she started speaking of having special abilities and hearing voices yes I started questioning her mental health.

    Her sister did it first so I felt like she kind of convinced herself she could do it too.

    They would even claim to have spiritual experiences together.
    Right, and does that sound like something an balanced, emotionally-mature and rational adult would do?

  5. 02-10-2020, 05:44 AM

  6. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That explains a lot. Read up on "Magical Thinking" Google it. It can be a symptom of many things including mania.
    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    Her parents haven't been officially diagnosed, but I have reason to suspect that they have BPD. They are extremely abusive, so much to the point they would yell at her in public. but it seems like she's not willing to cut them out of her life.

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  8. #25
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I may be an outlier here in that I actually do believe it's possible to communicate with spirits, that travel (through dreams or meditation) to other dimensions is possible, and that meditating several hours a week is a wonderful way to get grounded and spiritually connected... it doesn't automatically mean someone is mentally ill, or in a cult. I mean, it's no more fantastic than believing that a man existed that was half God / half human that was capable of all sorts of magical things.

    At the end of the day none of that really matters. She felt that you were incompatible the first time you were together... and getting together again just reinforced those beliefs for her. Trying to understand why, picking her apart and taking her inventory isn't really going to help you in the long run if you want a healthy relationship.

    Keep working on you, your communication with others, and think about what you want from a relationship... as well as what you can offer one... this will help you attract people that are more compatible with your relationship goals.

  9. #26
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    What stands out to me, OP, is that you are almost willfully ignoring the glaring incompatibilities between you and her. The first 4 years sounds like a lot of drama and dysfunction and arguing as a result. A high stress sort of a relationship. Sure, communication can be a part of it, but the flip side is that often issues with communication point to issues with compatibility. Two people who are more compatible with each other won't struggle so much to communicate.

    Even on this recent stint, you are focusing on the superficial "fun" while completely ignoring the massive differences and incompatibilities between you. Again, you are looking to blame the cults, the sister, the chicken down the road rather than open your eyes and go "oh this lady and I are just waaayyyyy too different to work well together."

    What's driving you to stick your head in the sand like that? Something you might want to think about long and hard because if you keep getting involved with women who are not compatible and just totally ignore those red flags while fixating on making it work, you'll keep drifting from one messed up relationship to the next until you are too old to date.

    I'll make this work is great when you are looking to succeed at work, business, sports, etc. However succeeding at relationships requires a completely different skill set starting with the capacity to walk away when the person you are dating is too different from who you are.

  10. #27
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Sad but true.....she is no longer the person that you knew. I feel once you have had time to step away, and forget, you will look back without the emotional attachment.....and say to yourself, what was I thinking??
    Yep. When people say that they "can't" let go of their emotional attachments to someone who is bad for them, what they actually mean is that they "won't" let go.

    So switch those words for accuracy, then make a better choice.

    It's a decision.

  11. #28
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    What stands out to me, OP, is that you are almost willfully ignoring the glaring incompatibilities between you and her. The first 4 years sounds like a lot of drama and dysfunction and arguing as a result. A high stress sort of a relationship. Sure, communication can be a part of it, but the flip side is that often issues with communication point to issues with compatibility. Two people who are more compatible with each other won't struggle so much to communicate.

    Even on this recent stint, you are focusing on the superficial "fun" while completely ignoring the massive differences and incompatibilities between you. Again, you are looking to blame the cults, the sister, the chicken down the road rather than open your eyes and go "oh this lady and I are just waaayyyyy too different to work well together."

    What's driving you to stick your head in the sand like that? Something you might want to think about long and hard because if you keep getting involved with women who are not compatible and just totally ignore those red flags while fixating on making it work, you'll keep drifting from one messed up relationship to the next until you are too old to date.

    I'll make this work is great when you are looking to succeed at work, business, sports, etc. However succeeding at relationships requires a completely different skill set starting with the capacity to walk away when the person you are dating is too different from who you are.
    I agree about not being compatible during the second run, but during the first we were. It's just that both of us came from broken homes and we were very young, so we didn't know how to have healthy communication. On top of that I was always stressed out from my job so we got into arguments all the time.

    Yes however I do agree that we are not compatible anymore and that I need to move on. Thanks

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