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Thread: My Strange Break Up and Dealing with the Loss

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about this.

    All in all, it just sounds like you two have grown into people who don't fit. What I can't help but pick up on is an instinct in you to rescue her, to support her into becoming...well, the kind of stable, self-sufficient, and self-motivated woman you'd actually like to be with and, once upon a time, believed her to be.

    Alas, she's taking a different path, one she's actually been on the whole time, not something that was done to her by some spiritual huckster. Hard to accept, but it's time to accept it.

    Imagine a woman who lives life as you do, with whom you have more in common, and who, in your bones, you believe can manage the basic business of living without you holding her hand and nudging her to the light: that's who you will have a better time with, it seems, once you can both let this go and let go of a dynamic in which "supporting" another person veers into enabling the very qualities that make a relationship untenable for the long run and frustrating in the short term.

    My few cents. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I think you need to look at what's glaringly obvious here, this woman is incredibly irresponsible.

    She's not interested in being an adult and finding proper work to support herself. She wants someone else to do the work and to get everything free.
    That alone is reason enough to dump her and never look back.
    Secondly, she is willing to follow ideas that are so far out there that it almost sounds like a mental illness. She willingly follows her sister and sounds easily manipulated.
    She doesn't think things through and would rather follow fantasies than reality.

    Why you feel bad about losing this woman, I don't know. She sounds immature and no where near adult enough to be able to be responsible for herself, let alone to be a decent partner or god forbid a mother.

    These are very bad traits you should stop ignoring.

    What she is doing now is not her sisters fault. This woman could have a million different things set in front of her and if she has any sense at all, she will know that they are crazy or a waste of time. If she doesn't know the difference, then she has a serious problem.
    If it wasn't her sister that gave her these crazy ideas, someone or something else would have because she has this kind of mind.

    You truly dodged a bullet.
    Focus on letting go.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    Thanks.

    Yes she almost got into debt once trying to do something for him. I always knew the situation was beyond help because her sister was enabling her too.

    Thank you so much. But it hurts so much you know when I think about the good times. :(
    Sad but true.....she is no longer the person that you knew. I feel once you have had time to step away, and forget, you will look back without the emotional attachment.....and say to yourself, what was I thinking??

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this but unfortunately she seems very entrenched in this cult. Sadly you'll have to let go. At some point she may defect, but she may get involved with someone in this cult.

    Hopefully you've done some research/reading. My advice about her remains the same regarding her new lifestyle: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    However she had changed within these months too. She tells me that she looks up to two "gurus" and I do some research and they seem extremely like cults, one of them based in India. The leader of one is literally on the run as I write this because the authorities are chasing him for rape allegations. She followed him online and the other less worse, was a cult like church she attended weekly. That she can't share her spiritual experiences with me because I don't believe them, and that I'm not the right person for her because of this

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I think you need to look at what's glaringly obvious here, this woman is incredibly irresponsible.

    She's not interested in being an adult and finding proper work to support herself. She wants someone else to do the work and to get everything free.
    That alone is reason enough to dump her and never look back.
    Secondly, she is willing to follow ideas that are so far out there that it almost sounds like a mental illness. She willingly follows her sister and sounds easily manipulated.
    She doesn't think things through and would rather follow fantasies than reality.

    Why you feel bad about losing this woman, I don't know. She sounds immature and no where near adult enough to be able to be responsible for herself, let alone to be a decent partner or god forbid a mother.

    These are very bad traits you should stop ignoring.

    What she is doing now is not her sisters fault. This woman could have a million different things set in front of her and if she has any sense at all, she will know that they are crazy or a waste of time. If she doesn't know the difference, then she has a serious problem.
    If it wasn't her sister that gave her these crazy ideas, someone or something else would have because she has this kind of mind.

    You truly dodged a bullet.
    Focus on letting go.
    Thank you so much.

    Yes I agree. The reason I'm extremely fond of her is because she has supported me through very tough times, she motivated me to become the person I am today, she always believed in me. But unfortunately she couldn't find it for herself.

    You're right about her being easy to manipulate. When I first met her she was a critical thinker though, but during those 7 months we were separated that had gone out the window. Oh well it is what it is.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Sad but true.....she is no longer the person that you knew. I feel once you have had time to step away, and forget, you will look back without the emotional attachment.....and say to yourself, what was I thinking??
    Thank you so much. For some reason i feel worse than I did after our first break up. Because the first one we weren't having fun. I look forward to my future.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this but unfortunately she seems very entrenched in this cult. Sadly you'll have to let go. At some point she may defect, but she may get involved with someone in this cult.

    Hopefully you've done some research/reading. My advice about her remains the same regarding her new lifestyle: [Register to see the link]
    Hi Wiseman. I accidentally left out some key information in my original post. I apologize for this I just got lost in my thoughts writing that huge wall of text. lol

    She left both of these organizations. But not because she denounced their views, but because she thought the two communities weren't very welcoming of her or her sister. They just didn't like the other members.

    However the beliefs she developed while she was in them remained, in fact they got worse. After she left them she started meditating several hours a week and that was when she started telling about hearing voices, communicating with other dimensions, talking to the dead, opening the third eye etc. All of those cult stuff you'd imagine.

    The damage had been done.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's sad because yes she's lost and these cults instead of bringing any "enlightenment" usually do damage. Is it possible she has neurological/neuropsychiatric disorders?

    While anyone can fall prey to these cults during transitional times the fact that she seemed to wish to align with whatever this dimension is before joining and then exited the cults, seems to point to something else going on. At any rate she's out there. And sadly it seems sincere, not one of those 'it's me not you' excuses.

    Do mood or thought disorders run in her family? Not to be alarmist but early signs of schizophrenia and certain brain tumors can present like this. However that is less likely than her simply searching for some type of meaning or religious experience.
    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    However the beliefs she developed while she was in them remained, in fact they got worse. After she left them she started meditating several hours a week and that was when she started telling about hearing voices, communicating with other dimensions, talking to the dead, opening the third eye etc. All of those cult stuff you'd imagine.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    However the beliefs she developed while she was in them remained, in fact they got worse. After she left them she started meditating several hours a week and that was when she started telling about hearing voices, communicating with other dimensions, talking to the dead, opening the third eye etc. All of those cult stuff you'd imagine.
    Have you wondered if she might be showing symptoms of an underlying mental illness?

    While some of what she says might indeed be attributable to the cult-like influences around her, I would be concerned that some of it could also be pointing toward a more serious problem related to her mental health. Keep in mind that such vulnerable souls are often the targets of so-called cults, because they are frequently more susceptible to manipulation or distinguishing between reality and illusion. They tend to be more easily led. I therefore wouldn't be so quick to assume this all down to third-party interference, but could also be coinciding with more significant issues within her.

    In any event, she sounds very emotionally immature and not at all prepared for the sort of relationship you want. It took two attempts for you to really see it, but this relationship isn't going to work and is better left behind you.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It's sad because yes she's lost and these cults instead of bringing any "enlightenment" usually do damage. Is it possible she has neurological/neuropsychiatric disorders?

    While anyone can fall prey to these cults during transitional times the fact that she seemed to wish to align with whatever this dimension is before joining and then exited the cults, seems to point to something else going on. At any rate she's out there. And sadly it seems sincere, not one of those 'it's me not you' excuses.

    Do mood or thought disorders run in her family? Not to be alarmist but early signs of schizophrenia and certain brain tumors can present like this. However that is less likely than her simply searching for some type of meaning or religious experience.
    Her parents haven't been officially diagnosed, but I have reason to suspect that they have BPD. They are extremely abusive, so much to the point they would yell at her in public. Her parents are constantly in war with each other. Because of this I never liked them, which she also brought up during the break up conversation saying me not liking her parents could affect our relationship in the future. This was specially confusing to me because she herself admits that they are abusive, but it seems like she's not willing to cut them out of her life.

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