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Thread: Girlfriend of 8 years talking to and cheating with ex husband

  1. #1

    Girlfriend of 8 years talking to and cheating with ex husband

    So my girlfriend and I have been together 8 years. We have had our break ups and have lived together off and on the past 8 years (not all due to break ups. We had jobs in different towns at times and she took care of her grandmother whom was sick till she passed and lived away over a year) anyway... so I caught her sending nude photos to her ex husband and texting with him. She told me she had never had closure with there break up and that he seemed to have changed. (They knew each other and were married less than a year) she said he said some things that made her angry so she deleted him from social media and cut off all contact. That lasted a week and I noticed she was looking at apartments online back in her old town where he was living. I confronted her and she told me she wanted to just move back and live alone and find herself. Well then a couple days later she tell me they are talking again. Well she then tells me that she just wanted to end things with me so that she could move back. Big kicker is she and her daughter live with me and she works for me at my business and is asking me to let her stay living in my home and stay working for me till she saves money to get a place to move. Well this weekend she tells me she is going to visit her best friend so the kids can play and they can talk about what all sheís doing/done and see if that helps the situation. Well as of tonight sheís shut her phone off and no one can text or talk to her. (Iíve confirmed sheís at his house) well where this is going is I donít know how to handle this all.. I mean all of her and her daughters belongings are here in my home. She still works for me. She technically has no where to go and I know she really donít have much money. I canít stand the thought of her and her daughter being out on the street and me throwing her stuff out. Iím just not that person I canít be that mean. I am flaming 🔥🔥🔥mad but I donít even know how to approach her on all of this but I know for a fact that she is with him this very second. If she wasnít 2 hours away I would go to his house but I know itís not going to solve the issue. I donít even know how to start I mean I canít deal with all the lies.

  2. #2
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    I don't know what employment laws are like where you are, but I would imagine you can't just sack someone because a personal relationship with them has ended. However, you can give her a deadline of when you want her and her daughter to have moved out. If she's looking for apartments in her old home town already then this shouldn't be too much of a problem; otherwise I imagine she still has family or friends down there with whom she can stay? She can't have her cake and eat it otherwise you'll be massively taken advantage of. Is the ex-husband also the daughter's father? If so, they need to become his responsibility.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    I don't know what employment laws are like where you are, but I would imagine you can't just sack someone because a personal relationship with them has ended. However, you can give her a deadline of when you want her and her daughter to have moved out.
    I was going to write the same thing.

    If the daughter weren't in the picture, I'd have had her things out on the front lawn before she got home from her new boyfriend's house. Given that the child doesn't get a vote and has nothing to do with it, I would give her 30 days to find a new place to live. (Contact a lawyer regarding your rights there though, to make sure you aren't inadvertently in violation of any specific law.) I would absolutely not allow her to continue to live with you beyond that though. She has a screw loose if she thinks you're going to let her live with you while she freely dates and has sex with another man.

    As for work, well, that's trickier. You are likely bound by employment laws to follow a specific protocol if you want her out and I doubt that adultery falls into the "just cause" realm of reasons to terminate someone. Look into your rights and obligations as her employer as well.

    I am astonished at how unabashed she appears to be about all of this. Have things like this happened before? Displays of monumentally selfish and inconsiderate behaviour?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. The chaotic on/off, moving around, moving in/out breakups/makeups alone is enough reason to end this. This has nothing to do with her exhusband except that he's is another symptom of this bad situationship . Kick both her and her daughter out. She has other people she and her child can live with.
    Originally Posted by 205painter
    S We have had our break ups and have lived together off and on the past 8 years. she then tells me that she just wanted to end things with me so that she could move back. Big kicker is she and her daughter live with me and she works for me at my business and is asking me to let her stay living in my home and stay working for me till she saves money to get a place to move.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'd be packing all their stuff up and leaving it on the front porch. Then I'd change the locks on both the house and the business so she can't get back into either. You're being a sucker for a woman that is using you until she leaves you if you don't.

    Good grief she must think you are a real push over to even ask you to keep her employed and housed until she leaves you. Good lord man, are you seeing what she's asking of you????

    As for the "employment laws in your area:" Just state that her position has become redundant and give her the appropriate severance pay and you should be covered. It wouldn't hurt to check with your local labour board first though.

  7. 02-09-2020, 10:20 PM

  8. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    What she is telling you is simple. "I'd like to live with you and off you while I cheat on you. Are you good with that?" The simple answer is NO.

    No, for the love of, don't go confronting the other guy or her. You are risking getting arrested and she is not worth that. She isn't worth anything.

    Yes, start packing their stuff. If she is already looking for apartments, then let her hit the road sooner rather than later. If only thing holding her back is she doesn't have enough for a deposit, then help her with that. Money well spent considering..... It will also alleviate any guilt you are feeling about throwing them out. Her staying to use you is out of the question though. Remember that she is choosing to cheat and there are consequences for that. She doesn't get to stay living all cushy with you, she loses that.

    Don't know where you live, but in most places in the US, you can fire a person for any reason or no reason at all. If firing an employee is difficult where you are, then be smart. Connect with a recruiting/hiring agency and "promote" on out of your company to some place else.

    Rage and emotions right now have to take a back seat. You need to get pragmatic and think in practical terms how to remove this parasite from your life today. Yes today.

  9. #7
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    you are kidding yourself if you think she has nowhere to go!

    If its your house, i would ask her to leave (notice as in her stuff out of your bedroom, in boxes in the living room or spare room, etc, and tell her that she has until the end of the week. she will stall and probably be there a month).

    Let her ex/the father of the child pay for her security deposit or let him take them in. She is having fun there now, afterall.
    She can sleep on the sofa if you allow her to stay a few days.


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