Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: I accused my bf of cheating and now he wont forgive me.

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    1

    I accused my bf of cheating and now he wont forgive me.

    Im going to try make this as short as possible.

    Me and my bf have had a rocky relationship from bad mental health on both sides to him messaging other women when we were on a break.

    We are on solid ground again and things have been going really good. Last night he fell out with is mum and walked out her house and im guessing the plan was to stay with me. Which i dont mind. I can tell he was stressing about his mum from last night and when he gets stressed he goes cold on me. Anyway i got up this morning before him and i was cleaning the house, hes got up in a bad mood and not really spoke to me. I then walk through to the bedroom and i see this long message on his iphone that he was reading. When he realised i was in the room i thought it looked like he jumped/looked nervous and he came out the message quickly. I asked him who it was and he said he was reading emails. Emails dont come up blue like messages. So i got annoyed and paranoid because is seemed like he was lying to me. We argued a bit and he really was angry at me. He told me to check is f**ing phone if i wanted. I didnt not.

    After i could visibly see the stress on his face and i tried to talk him down but he just got mad and started crying.

    Now hes saying our relationship is sh*t again and he was trying so hard to make it work etc etc he cant believe i would ask him such a thing and he said i obviously dont trust him. Iv apologised and told him it was just a knee jerk reaction, i got a fright and didnt mean to put more stress on him. I told him i do trust him and we have been getting on so well. But he wont accept my apology hes making it into this huge deal and i feel like our relationship is in the balance over a moment of stupidity from me.

    Am i wrong in thinking hes over reacting ? What can i do to fix this because he wont tell me ?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,975
    Your relationship is still rocky.

    How long have you been "on solid ground"?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,699
    At some point you have to weigh the good and the bad and once the bad outweighs the good you call it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,931
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry about this. Can I ask how old you guys are and how long you've been together?

    Anyhow, it's hard to fix things that don't work. When I hear "rocky relationship" and "him messaging other women when we were on a break" what I hear is a dynamic between two people that does not work, one where "fixing" might be letting it go rather than hanging onto it. Think about it like car. If something small breaks in my truck's engine—yeah, I can fix it. If I drive to truck off a cliff—well, it's just a broken truck, unfixable.

    You may have something unfixable here. Not what you want to hear, I know, but I'm just being honest.

    I can see this present moment from all sides. Is he jumpy with phone stuff because he's shady? Or because he knows you're hardwired to get jumpy? Kind of doesn't matter, if you zoom out. Tension is tension, distrust is distrust, and that's what all that is: two people living in a state of tension, paranoia, and distrust.

    I can't imagine it's what either of you want from romantic partnership, so it might be time to be real about what this relationship is rather than what you'd like it to be. Do you want to be with someone who reacts like this, who calls your relationship sh*t? Do you want to be someone who goes into a panic when you see a large block of blue text on your partner's phone? Those are the questions to be asking right now.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,278
    Gender
    Female
    You've already been on a break and now his "mental illness" has caused him to over-react to a simple bloody question. Your "mental issues" have caused you to be paranoid about something he clearly lied about (which when someone is clearly lying, it would make anyone paranoid).

    The ongoing events that have transpired in your relationship with one another is clearly telling You that you are with the wrong person. Can you imagine walking on eggshells for the rest of your life, afraid to question his questionable actions? Think about that and then hopefully you will realize you are with someone that will make a lousy lifemate and then you'll have the conviction to call him up and tell him that the relationship is over and not to contact you again.

    I hope you have enough love of self to do that for YOU.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    36,956
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Don't enable his bad behavior. You're not a hotel or spa or psych facility. Also on/off means there are unresolved issues. He needs a doctor and a therapist, not a gf. Do not try to fix, cajole or remake him into someone who is not a moody-broody entitled guy.

    This bad boy act gets very old very fast. He's dragging you down. You can do better than some jerk who camps at your house giving you the silent treatment and messaging others, lying etc.
    Originally Posted by Katie339

    Last night he fell out with is mum and walked out her house and im guessing the plan was to stay with me. Which i dont mind.

    hes got up in a bad mood and not really spoke to me.

    Now hes saying our relationship is sh*t again
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 02-08-2020 at 02:42 PM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,533
    Gender
    Female
    This is like pulling a cart with a broken wheel. It's not working and you are simply kidding yourself that it is. Get out now and start fresh with someone better.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,540
    The way I read it, he answered your initial question fine enough. If I were reading through a large text while more generally going through my emails / correspondences, I might mindlessly respond similarly. If my wife were to then default to accusing me of cheating, it'd be an instant call to a marriage counselor, and that's simply out of respect for the vows we exchanged. Were the knot not tied, the bags would be packed and I'd be out the door. Life's way too short to gamble time and emotional energy on building trust again once it's demonstrably lost.

    That out of the way, it's difficult to isolate the incident if your relationship was previously rocky to the point you found yourselves taking a "break." So while I think accusations of infidelity are among the most valid reasons to sound the death knell, it might be worth reflecting on whether this it might not be the best decision for you both to stick a fork in it.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    2,076
    I don't think you should blame yourself for this break up.

    Its either the straw that broke the camel's back. Which it sounds like it could be. From both your previous actions, not just yours.

    Maybe he is talking to ther women, maybe he has mental illness that you can't fix, maybe you're better off.

    Rocky relationships tend to stay rocky... its because its not working for whatever reason. A good patch that could be so easily derailed, probably want such a good patch after all...

    Also people that fly off the handle like that, use that as a defense mechanism or a way of deflecting the actual conversation to avoid being accountable for whatever and explaining themselves-- because they're hitting something.

    The other thing could be, he wants to break up and used this to make it your fault.

    Only he knows for sure.

  11. #10
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    936
    Gender
    Male
    If you are both mentally ill this relationship sounds like a. Massive uphill struggle.

    I don't think either of you are in a place to be in a relationship with anyone let alone each other. I'd break up and stay single till you feel better mentally.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •