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Thread: Caught boyfriend leaving hearts under other womanís Instagram photo

  1. #41
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    True I feel like the experiences from the past protect you from future hurt though.
    Yes and no.

    I've been cheated on, been hurt. But I don't try to "find out" whether my current girlfriend is doing anything that might hurt me as I've been hurt in the past, however. Because what did that past pain show me, in the end? That I can handle it. I'm living, breathing, and there's really nothing she could do to me, save for homicide, that would change that.

    When we're still driven by past pain something funny happens: we seek it out without realizing it, even inflict it onto ourselves. A familiar state of suspicion gets triggered, and instead of feeling that "trigger" as something to walk away from, we walk toward it. Something to think about. If dude struck you as above board, or if you looked in the mirror and saw a woman who could handle anything a dude could throw your way over a 30 day period, I don't think you'd be looking for signs of the apocalypse on social media.

    Moving forward, you can kind of think about this stuff from two angles. You can emphasize who you want to be, in your skin and alongside another person, or you can emphasize "finding out" everything about another person to feel comfortable in your skin. I'd say the former is more self-empowering than than the latter, and a more surefire way to not get burned or feel burned.

  2. #42
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    Who doesnít have baggage? And who wouldnít want to look through their significant others Instagram? I agree with Sherry, looking has saved me a ton of wasted time.
    My husband and I didnít share our FB pages for like 10 years. He got rid of his I dunno 2 years ago maybe. He has Twitter I donít patrol his Twitter. It occasionally comes up in my feed. We have been together 30 years married 26 in a few months. For me it is not a huge thing.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I agree with you Seraphim, I am the same with my husband. However married couples versus a new man, are two different worlds.

    I think it's smart to look and see what you might be getting into. Had I not done it, I would still be wasting my time with a cheating, lying piece of dung.

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    Who doesnít have baggage? And who wouldnít want to look through their significant others Instagram? I agree with Sherry, looking has saved me a ton of wasted time.
    My husband has a nominal facebook he never checks, he has a twitter account for professional reasons. I have an active FB and Linkedin account and have an inactive twitter. He's never checked either. I follow him on twitter but I'm not really a twitter person. I suppose everyone has baggage. So? My husband and I trust each other. I trusted him when we dated the first time around (pre-internet -can you believe it??) and the second time around when the Internet was very popular of course. I would never check his phone or email unless he asked me to. I don't want him checking mine because I like my privacy, my personal space - I want to chat with friends about stuff that I might not want to share with him or not share with him then. Nothing to do with betrayal or cheating or anything of the sort. But we're not joined at the hip -we have our private time, our friends, our things we do not with each other. And we're in a committed ,loving marriage.

    When we first met there was no internet. We worked for the same company. I considered him to be a person of character and integrity. 25 years later I still do. I might have mentioned him to some mutual friends, it was important to me that my close friends and family meet him and approve of him (they did).

    I do think spouses should have access to each other's phones in case of emergency. We don't - we should -no bad reason why just laziness I guess.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You're really lucky, Batya. I ran into a number of bad apples pretending to be decent men before I found my husband.

  7. #46
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    At the end of the day mayflower ...it isn't right/ok/acceptable for you ...and that is what is important

    I do agree with the others who are telling you to choose your battles as you move forward ....take each man as an empty page not a script already written by your own experiences .

    You did the right thing by ending it because for you ....this was unacceptable so you haven't let it drag on .

  8. #47
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I guess I was just lucky. I found my man at 22 and been with him since. We had a few bumps where he did some questionable stuff but not in about 18 years.

  9. #48
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Well if it isn't Pippy Long socks..lol...long time no see. :)

  10. #49
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    Who doesnít have baggage? And who wouldnít want to look through their significant others Instagram? I agree with Sherry, looking has saved me a ton of wasted time.
    Bro you didn't just go through his Instagram. You were scrolling through his friends and then clicking on individual pictures to see if he'd liked or otherwise engaged with it. How many women did you click on before you got to this one? How many did you go through afterward?

    In any case, a few posters have already outlined the distinction between what's perfectly fine as a preference and what crosses the line into being needlessly dramatic. You found out he "hearts" pictures of chicks in lingerie irrespective of whether he's been dating someone a whole month. Again, if that leaves a sour taste or you've lost respect for him, nothing can or should stop you from voting with your feet. Believe me, I've been completely turned off from women I've dated for much less. But tying it in with some history of betrayal and turning it into some serious threat or sign he is or will be looking to cheat on you is where you're crossing the threshold.

    If you're serious about not wasting your time, you could have saved yourself a whole lot more holding off on dating altogether so you're not having to dig through pictures of his friends, needlessly confronting him over something he can't change and you know is a deal breaker for yourself, and subsequently venting your insecurities on forums. Yes, everyone has "baggage." Ideally though, you'd like it to at least fit in the overhead bin.

    Not trying to sound mean. Just consider taking some time off. You were recently here seriously debating the idea of introducing a man you'd known for three months to your son. You were venting all the frustrations of dating just weeks ago and getting heart broken over a dude you suspect had a girlfriend after like one month. I don't think your head or your heart are in the right place to be playing the field right now.

  11. #50
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Sounds like a lot of drama for 8 weeks of dating, no?
    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    Thanks, I decided Iím going to break up with him.

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